I recently met a guy, I like him, I'm diggin his style and his attention. We get along, have a lot in common, it's all good. Whenever he calls and wants to do something, I say yes, without a problem and eagerly. In my years of dating, I have found that men have a very low attention span for women and seem to get bored fairly easily and quickly. My question to you is...should I start the gaming process and say no to this guy ever so often when he wants to make plans with me?...just to keep the interest there, maybe to even heighten the interest even more? Fellas, tell me if I am on the right track with my perception of you (getting bored easily and women who always are available when you call on them), and advise. Ladies, tell me what you think about games the sexes play with one another, and give me some advice on my situation.
Personally, I hate the games and just want to get on with it, man! But this isn't my world, I accept that I am just a squirrel trying to get a n*t...
Nicole C2006-06-19T07:32:51Z
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I do not like playing games either, but I do not think that you should make yourself readily available to anyone. I mean most of us dodge our jobs and we KNOW that we are going to get paid for the time we put in. You do not know him well, you do not know where this is going. Slow down if he is what you think he is there will be plenty of time for the two of you to spend together. And on the contrary this is your world! Especially in this situation! All I can say is take your time if he is worth it saying well I kind of made other plans today is it OK if we reschedule this for (2 days later), will not turn him around. I think you are saying to yourself gotta get it while the getting is good. That's why you jump on it every time he calls. It seems that you would like to keep him around for some time so take some time. If you turning him down turns him away then that is just letting you know that he is not the person that you thought or hoped he was.
I would love to say, "No, just be honest and true. Games won't get you anywhere." But, that's not realistic. There are certain actions that psychologically trigger reactions in people. If you want a person to want you...then there are certain ways to act. The concept of 'game' has a negative stigma, but it's just life. When a peacock flashes his feathers...that's game. It's the mating ritual. The human mating ritual is pretty complicated. But it's also fun. And you can play the game without hurting anyone or being dishonest. Put it like this. Females appreciate a man with a certain amount of game. One that's not going to be constantly available. One that's a little mysterious. One that's a little hard to pin down. Now, if I know that, and I become that, and it makes you more attracted to me, is that wrong? The only person who thinks so, is the lame, boring guy who's catering to your every whim but isn't getting any action because you're with me.
Hahaha. I think you're on the right track. We all complain about the games, but on some level, we need them. That's why foreplay was invented. People loose interest. If you know everything about someone, there's not much left to do. If you want to get to know them, then you have a reason to hang out, you have a reason to date, to have intimate conversations, to be around each other. Given, too many headgames and whatnot that some women play get downright rude and annoying, but a little playfullness may be healthy in the dating forte.
Actually it is more about being able to read people. Each individual is different so you have to learn how to read their moods & their responces. Sometimes I will let a realionship peter out on its own because I find I am just not that into the guy or that we are just too different as I get to know him better. If I really like him though, I will go about my life as usual & be available if it fits in with my plans or let him know if I have something else planned & suggest another time that would work out better for me or going to do something else. You are right that we get bored if it is too easy, & not just the guys are guilty of that. Be sure & complement him & let him know how attractive you find him, but still retain your own individuality so he can enjoy the chase a bit.
I don't know if I would call it a game. But, yes you definitely need to keep things interesting....especially at the beginning when you want to keep the attention long enought to see if there is a real connection. Think about this.....how interested are you going to be if he's ALWAYS available and eager?? He doesn't even get the chance to think about you, desire you, or miss you if your so available. If a man see's too available to me, I have to wonder why he has so much free time and why no one else wants him. I also loose interest. As goofy as it sounds....men are "hunters" by nature and instinct. To keep their attention....give them a good hunt. I think you need to take relationships a little slow at first.....keep some mystery. Trust me, it's a good thing when he starts to wonder where you are, or what your busy doing. It's human nature to want what we can't have. And girl....FLIRT! For all it's worth....flirt! I don't mean trashy slutty flirting(well, unless it's only sex your after).....I mean the type of flirting that makes a man look twice. If your confident with yourself, and sexuality it will come across in you flirting. The most effective flirting for me is with your face. You can give so many different looks with your eyes, you smile, coy looks, demure looks, sexual looks.....whatever works for you. If your not a good flirt ...practice. It's not hard , it a matter of being comfortable doing it. Start with the guy at the grocery store....gas station....where ever you have nothing to lose until you've build up your confidence. besides, men are pretty easy....they're just as eager to flirt back. Its fun! If you want to keep him interested....become interesting. I'm not saying fake...you have to be yourself. But you have many sides to your personality....start showing them. But, yes....too available and eager is often the kiss of death to a new relationship. And do not sleep with him right away. Trust me....I'm all about sexuality.....but woman, you are cheating yourself by giving it up too easy. Enjoy the sexual tension, his panting after you, his sexual inuendo's, his trying to charm your pants right off you. Entice him, blow a little heat onto his curiosity or desire. He will end up spending a good part of his day thinking about you , and wanting to be with you. And, guess what?? The hotter he gets wanting you....the better for you in the long run.