What's the best way to tell an aging parent that it's time to stop driving?
Telling someone close to you it's time to give up the keys is a dilemma we'll all have to face some time in our lives.
Telling someone close to you it's time to give up the keys is a dilemma we'll all have to face some time in our lives.
Anonymous
Favorite Answer
Your state might have a "driving test" that you can ask them to take. This certainly made us feel better when "mom" passed this test.
You might have to get your parent's eye doctor to disquality them officially.
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people over the age of 65, its a tough thing to admit that you are too old to drive. I love to drive and cannot ever see myself giving it up. I will say that as a 20 year retired firefighter older drivers do a lot more damage out there then the public knows. Some cause accidents and don't even realize it. When is the last time you were in Florida, in the fast lane of I-95, cruise set on 80 and come up on a bluehair doing 50 that won't move to the slow lane. The worse part is that they vote more then anyone else and the AARP is extremely strong, so doing anything political about this never ending problem would be political suicidefeel comfortable or safe any longer. I have heard the horror stories but they are the exception not the rule,many older drivers continue to be first rate and responsible. We must keep in mind these same people are seasoned adults and must be shown respect and compassion, not treated like children. We all get older that's just a part of life and should be seen as a reward not a punishment. Having options so that one does not feel a burden or dependent can really smooth the transition for older drivers. How we deal with this issue now could affect how we will be treated in the not to distant future. After Mom or Dad hang up the keys you best be available to take them where they need to go and be happy to do it.
gvaporcarb
THIS IS THE BEST ANSWER! READ ON!; You're not going to tell 'Em Anything ! See, even if You're 60, and Your Aging Parent is 90, in Their Mind, You're still Their "Child". That being the Case, Your Aging Parent is going to very much Resent taking "Orders" from You. Again,That being the Case, I would Suggest Contacting Your Local DMV Driver's License Examination Office. Explain the Situation. Find out if it is Legally Possible for the DMV to Mail a Letter to Your Aging Parent that an Examination is Now Required . The Problem may be when Your Aging Parent Asks Why. Perhaps a "Periodic Random Examination of Drivers over the Age of 75 [?] is Now Required". Also, does Your Aging Parent have any Recent Traffic Violations ? This could also be Justification for the Examination. See, if Your Aging Parent has Truly become an Unsafe Driver, a Detailed Examination will Reveal it. Perhaps, as a Compromise, a Daytime Only Driver's License can be Issued, with a Thorough, Comprehensive Annual Driver's License Exam Requirement. See, if Your Aging Parent Fails the Driving Test, as well as the Written Examination, which also should be Required, then You are Absolved of any Guilt Trip ! But, when Your Aging Parent needs to get Groceries, go to a Medical Appt., Etc. You are going to become the "Gopher"! It will be a whole lot Easier when a "Higher Authority" Lays Down the Law !
Julie C
First, be ready to accept the fact, that even if the parent is included in the decision making process, you will always be the bad guy that took away the keys. If you can live with the barage of guilt trips and angry remarks -- you're already half-way home.
It can also be a whole lot easier if all siblings show a united front. Let's face it, not all senior drivers are the same. For some, it's a vision problem. For others it's a reaction-time problem. All parties need to take a ride with Mom or Dad so that all family members know and understand what's going on. Many a parent has pit sibling against sibling with the sole thought of not surrending those keys.
A doctor can also be helpful, but when all is said and done, sometimes it just requires a "tough love" approach. They have to be told that you don't want them driving because you would hate for them to get into an accident where they get hurt or worse, hurt or kill someone else.
Many senior drivers have already cut back on their driving, but unfortunately, the driving that they do is often the most dangerous to them and others. Backing out of that parking spot at the grocery store and not seeing other people coming and going is a very common event.
But just taking away the keys is not the total answer. Before that happens, alternative transportation has to be secured, especially if they are outgoing independent seniors. Many cities have low cost senior transportation available. While outings now have to be arranged 24 hours in advance, they can still maintain independence. Ofcourse, any driving that can be done by the children or grandchildren is always appreciated when it's done with love and not out of guilt.
GA_metroman
This is a very tough one indeed. The answer is very tricky, because by the time a family has decided it's a problem, it is usually because of the elder's impaired reasoning capability. So, reasoning with the elder isn't as effective as if the issue were eye-sight, or some other physical impairment. Still, if a family can have the family physician be the messenger, I've found that most effective. The physician can even apply a motorskills test and let the results determine the outcome.
Be forewarned. Families have to be prepared to make adjustments once that freedom of mobility has been denied. The best way is for the elder to live in a community that provides outings. Next best thing, to keep peace in the family, regularly scheduled outings for the elder work for the whole family. Wednesday is grocery day. Every other Saturday is mall day, etc.
If at all possible, weening the elder off of driving instead of cold turkey, is effective. This gives them a chance to see that the scheduling thing works.
Good luck.