Should I Be Offended If My Parents Wont Take The Time To Visit My Terminal Mother In Law?
She has been battling Cancer since march of 2005 going into remission for a 9 month period and has been hospitalized. She lives in the Bronx (has a view of Yankee Stadium) NYC and they have NEVER visited despite being invited for her 70th Bday and to visit her while ill. They have never once visited her in the hospital in Manhattan NYC at Columbia Pres and Lenox Hill both safe neighborhoods.
My wife's mother is an angel and has a place in heaven. She absolutely loved my parents and became very hurt when they decided not to come to her 70th Bday party and with there seeming lack of caring and inability to carve time out of there schedule to visit her in the hospital at least once although she's never said as much.
Do we have a right to be angry? Is it o.k. to expect that they would take the time to visit at least once?
How do I keep from damaging my relationship permanently with them?
Anonymous2006-09-28T12:43:13Z
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Where do your parents live in relation to her?
Just remember, just because you value and love your mother in law, your parents might feel differently. It doesn't mean they love YOU or your wife any less. Maybe they just don't feel all that close to her. There's no sin in that, there's nothing that says you have to get along with others or even like the people in your extended family.
And yes, you have a right to be angry in the sense that NO feelings are wrong...they just are, whether they make logical sense or not. I can understand why you feel hurt - you and your wife are learning by their actions that they just don't care that much. If they visited after you decided to confront them, they wouldn't feel any different- they'd feel the same, but be doing it just to appease you. Is that really going to make you, them, or your mother in law feel any better? My guess is your Mom in law will be able to sense they're doing it just out of guilt.
Yes you have a right to be upset, but keep in mind that visiting someone who is terminally ill is very hard on people and some have a difficult time just going into a hospital.
My mother in law passed away two weeks ago from colon and liver cancer - she fought a tough battle for 6 months and the last two she was in ICU. My husband and I went from seeing her 4 times a week to just once because her body was just breaking down and it was physically and emotionally exhausting us. My mom and grandma went to visit her once a week too and I was really grateful for them to do that.
Your parents should go see her - even if just a couple times for a half hour or so. It will mean so much to her, and to you.
I would just be honest and tell them that you would really appreciate it if they visited her in the hospital as she wont be here forever. If they live near by then you surely have a right to be upset that they haven't seen her yet. If they live pretty far away then you may give them a little leaway. Depending on how long you have been family is another factor in deciding on how upset you should be. Just explain to them that she would really enjoy their company even if it's just once while she is in the hospital. Be honest and blunt but respectful!! You may also talk to your wife and tell her that you would like them to go see her and that it bothers you that they haven't. She may be able to help you make it happen!!
Don't be angry, but you certainly have a right to be disappointed. Usually family supports one another. I'm sure this will colour your relationship with them, and that's fine - it's what they close. It would be really interesting to know why they would not go see her. Maybe there is a tactful way you could ask. It's very touching that you feel so strongly about your mom in law - you must be a very kind man. That's the kind of relationship my husband had with my mom before she passed away.
No, you should not be offended that they have not visited. No matter how much we'd all like for both families to come together and become one, that just isn't how it always goes down. Your families are separate and if your parents don't feel close to her, you guys should not make them feel bad for not going to see her. I'm sure they do care and don't want anything bad to happen to her. This should be enough for you and your wife. Focus on spending this time with her. All of the rest is unimportant.