One of my best friends just told me that she is falling for another guy but she's married! She asked me for advice but I don't know what to tell her cause I'm not married. She says she's falling for a guy that she's talked to over the computer since she was little. I don't know what to tell her. Help!
C L
Favorite Answer
My advice to her would be to stop talking to him.
People tend to believe there is something lacking in their relationship IF they CAN develop feelings for someone else.
Being married is a choice - you are not dead, just taken! IF YOU SPEND A BUNCH OF TIME with someone else - OF COURSE they start to look good!! They are a fantasy, he can still be sexy and fun! You have no babies with him, no bills with him, he hasn't been bugging the life out of you for 6 months leaving the toilet seat up!
But IF SHE LEAVES THE MAN SHE MARRIED FOR THIS GUY... in a yr it'll be the same.
If she lets herself have an affair and then doesn't leave her husband - she will either have to live with gut wrenching guilt, or be selfish and break her husbands heart and shatter his world "to confess" so she can be forgiven and make herself feel better - then he gets the heartache.
There is no good answer except to grow up, and be a wife. Not some little good time girl looking for the most and easiest fun. Marriage is HARD IT'S WORK!!! If she didn't realize that when she entered, she sure should by now!! These are other lives she's screwing with, so tell her to stop being so damned selfish and spend as much time and effort reconnecting with her husband as she has been with the exciting forbidden fruit and he will most likely be just as interested in her as the new guy.
It's time to cut off all communication with this man. ALL - if she knows she is having those kinds of feelings... if she can be honest with herself she will be able to admit it would hurt like hell to discover her husband was doing that to her... It's the same thing! If you allow yourself to get involved with the opposite sex away from your spouse and without their knowledge that's a high risk - because something new is always more exciting & appealing. It seems like it would be easier - but it wouldn't. Whatever she thinks their problems are AT LEAST 1/2 of them are her. Plain and simple (unless he husband is a substance abuser or is physically abusive of course!)
So, she will take those same problems with her into any relationship she enters.
I'd tell her a lot nicer than I just told you... lol - but bottomline, I believe she needs to grow up and put the energy into her husband.
Sparkles
I hope you aren`t buying that she is falling for a guy that she`s talked to over the computer since she was little. She met him on the internet probably in a chat room or online dating. She is not even telling you the truth about how long she has known this guy.
Trinity
She is making a mistake. As long s you cannot see the other person, you can not say you are habing a real conversation. The other person could be a jerk, and teling you what you want to hear. he probably writes while hlding another woman, of kissing another man, for the lopve of God whay woudl she want to jeopardise her marriage becasue of a virtual man? what iof he never was?
Tell her to get serious with life, this is not a dress rehersal!
xyz00192
I'm not sure exactly how to answer this, but this is my opinion.
She's married now, and if anything she needs to sit down and think about her marriage and think about her loved one. Is it going anywhere? Is she really ready to live her life with this person? Chances are people will always find someone more compatible than their current partner, but remember that life is always full of mixture of feelings, its what makes us human. So, this could be a temporary crush/attraction. She should really just think really really hard and you gotta be there to be her shoulder and wisdom.
I hope this helps, take care and good luck~
Anonymous
is it really your place to tell her anything? i mean, i understand that you think it is wrong of her to do this and you don't want people looking down upon your friend for her actions, but they're HER actions. Any advice that you give her would probably be in futility anyways because if she is talking about getting a divorce, whether she does it for this computer guy or not, she has probably already made up her mind about her marriage.