She is 7 years old (November BD) and the youngest of the class. She has difficulty to follow the curriculum and have even more problems with reading. She was struggling in 1st grade but with a lot of extra work she was doing a little better. We are now in second grade and having the same problem. It is now affecting her self-esteem as she (and her classmate) realizes that she does not read as well as everybody in the class. Should we have her struggle every year to keep up at the risk of changing her personally and self-esteem or should we make her repeat the grade so she can have it more “easy”? I know that repeating a grade might be hard for her as well…. Thanks for your help
musicpanther672007-04-05T13:58:40Z
Favorite Answer
This must be very difficult for you. There are pros and cons to holding her back.
Pros: She will have a better understanding if she is held back next year. She will come into the new school year understanding more than she did this year and therefore her grades may improve greatly and thusly her self esteem. She may be very upset with herself because she isn't as advanced as the other children. Explain to her that everyone learns in their own special way. There is nothing wrong with her and she is a very intelligent child who has a lot to learn and that's what school is for. If you hold her back she may be of a benefit to the other children just coming into second grade because she will know some of the work already and could help the others. My son helps the other students in his class and it really helps his self esteem.
Cons: She will be the oldest in the class now and the kids that moved on may tease her about not advancing. That may be a shocking blow to her self esteem. If you do decide to hold her back prepare her for this so it won't be such a surprise to her. Have her have some comments ready. I don't mean to say mean things back to the other kids. Just things like "My mom made me stay back!" See, then you get the blame and hopefully the other kids will not tease her although they may think you're a mean mom but that shouldn't matter to you.
In the end, it's up to you if she is held back or not. I think if she's really struggling maybe she should be. Is there some sort of help at school? At my son's school they have "intervention" which helps children who are struggling in certain subjects. It's after school and it does seem to help the kids a lot. Can she do that? Do they offer summer school classes where maybe she can make it up?
You really just need to think what is best for your daughter in the long run. Yes, if she's held back she may be teased and it will be hard but it may save her more trouble in the long run.
I wish you all the luck in the world with this because I know it must be very hard.
One thing I'd like to suggest as far as the reading is work with her on it. Just try to take 20 minutes a day and read with her. Let her read whatever she wants the point is is for her to read. I used to be a RIF rep {reading is fundamental} for HeadStart. I helped families understand the importance of reading and helped get books to families who couldn't afford them. I don't claim to have all the answers and I don't envy you having to make this choice. In the end though, I think you'll do what's right for your daughter. Wow that was really long!
If you are going to have her repeat a grade do it now. As early as possible, because the older she gets the more stigma it will hold.
I have known two little girls to repeat grade. One was a good friend of mine Sarah (now 26 yrs old). She repeated the 2nd grade. From what she has said, at first she *was* upset about it. She had always felt dumb compared to the other kids and at first repeating the grade confirmed that for her. However, she says that as the year and time went on she realized that wsn't true. When she repeated that year she realized she wasn't dumb but just needed a bit more time to understand things. She made honor roll in 2nd grade and felt very proud. She continued to make honor roll in future grades as well because once she had the basics from one grade down it was easier to learn the material in other grades too. She was also the youngest in her grade, who then became the oldest. She said it wasn't too obvious she had been held back after a few years because she still had kids her same age no matter which grade she was in. Since it happened in 2nd grade, the older kids eventually forgot she had been in their grade and the ones she was with assumed she had always been there. Only she had that memory.
The other girl, Kelsey, repeated 3rd grade a few years back. It was the same story. At first she was ashamed and felt really bad about it. She flunked a state test we have here in Florida. She wasn't alone since 2 other girls flunked with her. All three of these girls were put in the same class and they all did very well. Kelsey ended up making straight A's even though new textbooks had been brought in that year. By halfway through the year she was a much happier child who actually felt smart for once! She would proudly tell people that she made good grades even though all her books were different, which meant she actually GOT IT. The teacher would use the 3 "flunkies" (who were now all straight A students) to tutor other children in their class. This made all 3 girls feel special and as if they really had learned. Kelsey also continues to do much better in future grades and never really struggled too much afterward because once a true basic understanding was there she could move on without much issue. She was not a youngest in her class, but just a little immature for her age and the extra time did wonders for her.
So, if you do it she will feel very bad at first. However, given some time and support she should do just fine. I'm sure in a few years no one will know she repeated unless she tells them. If you do it, just do it early. The earlier it happens, the less obvious it will be to new peers. As far as they will remember she will have always been with them.
According to studies, retention has not been shown to be beneficial with the exception of repeating kindergarten.
If your daughter has a learning problem that is affecting the way she learns, repeating a grade isn't going to help. She needs to have this problem addressed.
Has the teacher brought the student to the Student Assistance Team or something similar at your school, so she can get screened for these concerns you have? Does the teacher share these concerns?
This year one of my students is being retained by parent request. I'm not too concerned with her academic performance, but they are. I just wish they could compare her with the students I'm REALLY worried about - they'd see she's just fine!
Also, I'm wondering if she is an ESL (English as a Second Language) student? These kids tend to be a little behind their classmates anyway, just because they're processing everything in a different way. This especially shows up in reading and writing. Something to think about!
I am going through the same thing right now with my 8 year old son. He can read, but has problems comprehending what he reads. I initially thought about letting him repeat the 2nd grade. I spoke with several people who said that while allowing him struggle will hurt his self esteem, so will repeating the 2nd grade. I decided that he still has 9 weeks to improve. So we are working extra hard to work on comprehension. I tell him everyday that I believe in him and that I know he can do it. Hopefully we will see some improvement this semester. If your daughter's self-esteem is affected, try reassuring her more. Work extra hard and she will get it.
Also I called Sylvan Learning Center as well. Sylvan was more $ than I was willing to spend. So I decided to work with him myself. So in between answering question on Yahoo, I'm typing up age appropriate stories with multiple choice questions for him to answer. It's actually fun for both of us. Plus, he will be attending summer school. Good luck!
I used to be held again in second grade and i made passing grades. My studying phases have been slightly low and that i was once struggling somewhat, but i passed. It was once undoubtedly less difficult the second time round and i felt more constructive going into 3rd grade after doing 2nd grade twice. I'm not even definite ADD has anything to do with what is going on with your daughter. Sounds more like nervousness about taking tests. Some youngsters make rather excellent grades, however on the subject of taking the experiment, they freeze up. Identification look extra into the nervousness than ADD.