My son is about 10.5 years old, very unmotivated and it is like pulling teeth to get him to do anything. HELP!!!! Any ideas are appreciated.
I try to get him to pick up his cars and clothes and things like that, along with general things such as take the dog out sometimes and put dishes into the sink.
nease174
Favorite Answer
try getting him into a sport.... My kids are in karate (11 and 7) and they love it... find what he loves and support him all the way... maybe its art or music or sports... try all sorts of things until you find it...the GO with it..
tech_girl
It is important for kids that age, ADD or not, to have clear expectations with corresponding rewards or consequences. If you ask your son to pick up his cars, give him a deadline, and a consequence if he doesn't do it, then follow through with the consequence. It is important that kids have choices, but also that they know the choices they make will come with rewards or consequences. This allows them to feel as though they are in control. When there is a consequence, you are able to remind them they choose the consequence over the reward. My son is also 10 1/2 and ADD and not taking meds during the summer, and this has worked fairly well. We also have a list of chores - minor things like carrying his dishes to the sink, feeding the dog, etc. and he is allowed 3 strikes during the month - 3 times he can choose not to complete a task. If he gets through the month without more than 3 misses, he is rewarded with a $20 gift card to a store of his choice. He can choose to purchase something right away, or save his cards for a larger purchase. This works well for us. The important thing is to find a system, explain it clearly, then stick to it. Good luck!
fertile_myrtle
Teach him that having ADD is not a character flaw or disability, he just thinks differently than most people and will have to learn to concentrate on the necessary tasks. He needs to know that HE is in charge of his body and can make it do what he wants, even if it is harder for him to be motivated or stay on task than the average person. The more experience he has with successfully paying attention and staying on task (and also and as he gets older/more mature), it will become more easy for him. Start small and give him little chunks of what you'd like him to do. Simple one-direction/ one task at a time is best or else you will loose him in the detail of the job. I notice with my son that he just doesn't see some things like I do. He doesn't notice if he missed putting something away because he hasn't given the job the attention that I would. So for my son, now he is working on finishing a job completely, looking around when done to see that it is all complete. My son is much older now, but when he was your sons' age we would just tell him that he had to learn to rule his body and that he could do it. Also, we focus on the awesome abilities that my son has. He is very creative, very high IQ, just an awesome kid! I am convinced that ADD is part of who he is. God makes people different and we *need* different types of people in this world. Not everybody is going to fit the mold of what the world sees as the typical person, and yet there are very important things these extreme personalities are going to do in life. These are the the ones that do things like invent the internet, discover cures to horrible diseases, or keep us entertained.
sillyfrog
I too have a son with ADD. He's 25 now. When he was young, I had to give him short achievable goals. Any planning or long term efforts overwhelmed him. Offer rewards in a currency of his desires like renting a movie the same day or playing in a swimming pool.
The medication is helpful but hard to get the personal dosage correct without trial and error. Why not meds.?
Still he has probably developed some habits that meds. won't correct alone. ADD usually is not a lonely affliction. There are other "quirks" that go hand in hand with ADD, like ODD(oppositional defiance disorder). If you can make him feel like he is initiating the activity, he may be more willing to do it!
marshfield_meme
My son was 5 when he was diagnosed with ADD. We refused to have him placed on medication; but, we did look into changing his diet. I also explained to him that I knew he wanted to be a good boy and not get into trouble; but, there was a monster that lived inside of him and the monster liked to sleep a lot. When he ate sugar or red things they awakened the monster and then he had difficulty being good. It worked like a charm. He policed himself when he was at school or a friend's home. At home we avoided processed foods as much as possible and eliminated white flour and all sugars and red food coloring.
We saw a huge change in him within 6 months. He may have been unmotivated; but, I wasn't. I motivated him to no end. I made a chore chart on the refrigerator door - for him and his sister. It had to have pictures because they could not read yet. There were pictures of a tooth brush, a shirt, a bed, a comb, a face. They indicated morning chores.
We also talked to the school and requested that he be challenged achedemically in first grade. We knew he was smart; but, bored in class. The school put him in a bilingual immersion class in which only Spanish was spoken for all but one hour each day. That was the end of misbehavior in class. He had to pay attention to understand what was expected of him.
I would like to report that he will be 36 next month. He has served in the Marines as a scout sniper in the gulf war. He currently serves this country with Homeland Security and is not only fluent in Spanish but also in French and of course English.
So, get tough mom, any kid is tough to motivate unless you are willing to serve up some consequenses. Hang in there.
Good luck and God bless.