I need some advice or opinion about adopting.?

Last year my cousin was killed in a car wreck. She left two little girls. Her boyfriend who is on the birth certificate as the Father was sent to prison for drugs just a few months ago. He lost all parental rights by the court. The girls were living with their grandma, my aunt. They always slept in the bed with her on morning they woke up and found her dead. (heart attack) They were then living with their aunt who was sent to prison for driving drink and killing their mother and little cousin. Needless to say these girls at the ages of 7 and 8 have lived a tough life.

They are living in a foster home which is my uncle, their great uncle. It's a good home but because of my uncles and aunt age they are not sure about adopting the girls.

My wife and I have always loved the girls. And I have been very concerned about them since their mother died. Now we are considering, if my uncle deciced not to, adopting the girls. One problem we have is we already have 4 kids of our own. continu

2007-07-09T12:37:42Z

We are more concerned about their ages. One of them is very friendly and loving, the other was like her until lately she has become very rude and mean to others. I know they both really need a loving home my wife and I are very concerned about the older one. Will she always be like this? If she is we are stuck in a bad situation. We are afraid of a rebellious teenager. Remember we have 4 kids now ages 12,11,10, &8.

Another thing we are concerned about is their family is my family. But I have not had a lot to do with them since we have been adults. They are drug abusers, the girls aunts & uncle, my cousins. I don't want to be around those kind of people who only want to think about getting high. I am afraid of how they may affect my kids and my cousin's kids. They do love to have that conection to their dead sister. Do you feel that would affect the kids anyway to have drug heads visiting? It doesn't seem right to me.

Should we adopt?

2007-07-09T20:21:36Z

Kristina W I have a 6 bedroom home that is about two years old. Do you think that may be enough or do you think we might have to add another bedroom? It would be 6 kids and 2 adults. in the home. (3 baths)

2007-07-10T08:17:26Z

angelktb5684 I know teens are rebellious. But what we are concerned about is the oldest already has a bad attitude. My hope would be with a loving hope she would calm down and return to some sense of normal before her mother died. If she doesn't this could be hard on the entire family. They both have a reason to be this way. They both handle it differently. I would love to give them a loving home it's just all these questions I have. This will not just affect the eight of us but our extended family also.

I am leaning more toward adopting them. Everyone has been very helpful.

Please star this so I can get a bigger response. Someone may mention something we haven't thought of.
Thank you all.

2007-07-11T06:54:47Z

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Malak

You all have been very positive and helpful. Yall seem to understand the situation.

A special thanks to John the Baptist. The best testimony a person can have is a good testimony that others say about you. Thank you.

His Way Thank you also. This seem to be the closest I have seen to my own situation. Children will not always be perfect but with the help of the Lord everything will work out ok.

The Truth you have given the key to everything in life. Seek God first. Wait on the Lord. This is what I will do. As much as I love these girls I will seek and wait on the Lord. Thank you.

cookingpancake also mentioned the same thing. I thank you both.

2007-07-11T07:02:36Z

Malak you have the same thoughts as what has been running through my mind. If we do adopt I will do as you have said. What is best for all the children is my concerns and to keep them away from such things as much as possible would be best for all. When they do see these people it would be closely supervised.

The Truth2007-07-10T05:15:46Z

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Dont move wait until, God opens your eyes, God will provide a way for you. Spent time in praise meaning praise God for the answer. Remember this God own s everything and there is nothing to hard for him. Get outside of yourself. Meaning Ask God for what you want and desire. Your heart is in the right place and cause your lips to speak to God and let him know what youwant to happen. PLEASE DONT WORRY, to worry is to sin. To praise God is to profit. I hope you understand me. Please fast, take sometime just for you no wife no kids no phone just you and the Lord and your eyes and heart will be enlightened and you will walk in the power of God concerning these things. Look not on the problem to long but look to the problem solver. Remember God is not the author of confusion but the are of peace,

Anonymous2007-07-10T07:07:51Z

Well, it will be hard, nothing worthwhile is ever easy. I think its a great idea. The older child will relax and calm after being adopted, the fear of not knowing what will happen to her will lessen, giving them both a chance to just be kids. She's angry, she's lost a lot, but its not permanent. They've had a rough life, but you can change that. I hate to break it to you, but with kids the ages yours are, you will have to deal with rebellious teens way before these two girls get to that point, its part of life. Any parent who's raised teens without any rebellion had that kid locked in a padded room until they were 20. Rebellion is a natural part of growing up, testing their wings so to speak.

I would suggest limiting the time spent with the druggie relatives though. For example, you could let a couple of them come over to visit for about an hour once a month, on a Sunday afternoon or something, strictly supervised of course. Otherwise, don't feel bad about cutting them off from these people. Would you want your kids associating with these people? If you adopt these little girls, they shouldn't be subjected to anyone your own kids wouldn't be subjected to. These girls need love, structure and commitment and its commendable that you're considering it. You're right about the great aunt and uncle, it would be devastating for these girls to lose anymore caretakers as young as they are.

On the up side, 7 and 8 is fairly young, you'd have a good chance of connecting with these littlle girls and giving them the life they need. Remember, instilling in children a sense of self-worth is the greatest gift you can give and from what they've been throught, I'd say they're desperately in need of that.

Anonymous2007-07-10T06:58:36Z

These little girls need all the love you can give them. After what they've been through, behavioral problems are normal and just show how much help they need. At the very least you can provide her with some professional help. I'm 42 and can't imagine waking up next to a dead person! The bottom line is the extended family needs to get together and discuss what is best for these children. Where can they go to finally have some peace and stability? Who is able to provide that for them in the best way considering the circumstances? Have you discussed with your own children how lucky they are and will they support your decision to help? About the drug use, that's a tough one but maybe you can let them around once in a while, in your home and under your rules. If they show up stoned, send them away. But no matter what you decide, love these girls, be a part of their lives and get them some help. I wish you all the very best and congratulate you for wanting to care for them.

God Bless.

Vajranagini2007-07-10T07:01:42Z

I think it certainly could work if you enlist everyone's co-operation. You must talk to your own children and explain the situation clearly. I would not "hide" the fact of drug-taking from them; in fact i would use it as an object lesson in the sorrow that such activities can cause. I would also speak to the little girls and ask them how they feel about the situation, and would they like to come and live with you? If they feel they have some say in their situation and that they are welcomedthey are less likely to be so angry and hostile. If there must be visiting, I suggest that the people come to YOUR house, and that you do not send the girls to visit them; that way you control the environment. Tell the people involved that if they show up "high" they may not see the girls. It is their business what they do in private, but around the children they must "mind their Ps and Qs". Also, if each of your children speak to the girls and show that they are welcoming them, this will also go a long way towards smoothing the path. Point out to your children that this is 'Christian charity in action', and the inconveniences cause by a bit of overcrowding are to be regarded as "sacrifices" one makes in the 'cause", and a little co-operation and assistance from everyone will go a LONG way towards "smoothing the path" and making everyone's life a LOT easier!

debbie22432007-07-10T07:12:37Z

Your home is adequate. Your heart is in the right place. The child that is acting out is depressed and confused. Her life is over as she knew it. Her mom is dead. And her father is unreliable.
Your children will learn a valuable lesson in love and family if you take in these children.
I raised 6 children and I would do it again.
The house was always humming with laughter and excitement. There was always someone for my kids to play with.
Your children are fortunate to have you. The other children would grow up in a beautiful loving home.

Anyone on drugs would be forbidden from seeing the children at your home.
You can arrange once a month for them to meet at a neutral place to keep in touch with the children.
And it might make them all sober up to see you have high standards.

One of my cousins has a sister that is forbidden from contacting her children because she is a bad influence.
So it can be done.

The only drawback is financially you would have to spread the wealth 6 ways instead of 4 but God will bless you and so will the community. Blessings will roll in from every source. And the children might be eligible for SSI since their mom is dead and they have no father.
And there is always food stamps, grants, and scholarships.

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