"Disrupted" adoptions? How can we stop things like this?

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Yes, I read about this situation. It makes no sense. I wonder what we're not being told.

I think what we can do to prevent disruptions is lots of education for pap's and lots of support post adoption for families experiencing difficulties. So many agencies don't have a good education program. You may be told how to answer rude questions your family might get, but you may not learn about the behavior problems, attachment problems, medical issues that can be unknown until adoption and how to find services if you experience problems. I truly believe that it is the parents responsibility to become educated. After all it is THEIR family and THEIR child, whom they are responsible for whose well-being is on the line. However, too many times, when aparents seek out lots of experiences and try to be prepared (not that all do), they may never come accross the tough stuff.

BTW, a great place for pap's to seek education and aparents to seek support is informedadoptions.com...Show more

I have ready many articles about this in the news. The main problem, it appears, is attachment - at least that is what the Dutch diplomat is blaming it on.

It makes me wonder many things. If we assume that their natural sons were raised the same in infancy as their adopted sister, their attachments to this couple shouldn't be much different. Perhaps, in this case, the couple are simply more tolerant and accepting of their natural children. If this is the case, I would be willing to bet that all the kids had nannies - the LAST thing an adopted child needs.

If we assume the little girl had attachment-related trauma *before* joining this Dutch family, then they were woefully ignorant of the attachment challenges for adopted children - the same ignorance I see here in the U.S. every day, I might add.

This little girl is acting out with her eating habits (among other things) - and probably has been for a very long time - to her adopters' WILLFUL ignorance.

They claim they have had family therapy. Maybe they have. But, if so, the therapist was clueless about adoption and attachment issues as well (unfortunately, not unusual). Otherwise they would have helped this child early on. It would not have come to this.

To think that people can just procure someone else's infant and then go about their normal business is absurd. People need to understand that raising adopted children is not only different but far more challenging than raising one's bio children.

Separation trauma MUST be recognized and worked through. It cannot be ignored without repercussions.

I am extremely angry with this couple's agency who approved them and arranged the adoption. They obviously provided NO information to this couple. I am also extremely angry with this couple who, assuming they are well-educated, have not cared enough for this little girl to bother doing their own research on adoption and attachment issues....Show more

In this country it's not so easy to disrupt an adoption. How do we prevent this from getting to this point though? A couple of things are already in place. 1) states require that you "foster" a child in your home for 6 months before you proceed to adoption. During this time there are home studies done, background checks performed, finger printing etc... 2) full disclosure. The parent should know everything about the child from that child's case worker. Many times parents take a child in not knowing the birth families past history. These are important things to know when the child starts "acting out". It will help to know (somewhat at least) why the child may be behaving they way he/she is....Show more

If she is still fairly young, a language barrier isn't such a big deal as you are making it out to be. I am Armenian from Iran and I moved to the United States when I was 3. By the age of 3 I could speak Farsi, Armenian and English with French, just because around some people, they spoke Farsi, at school Armenian, and I was an American now so English kids are what I played with. My grandparents spoke French to me just so maybe I'd pick it up.
Korean isn't a hard language to learn, I know a little, I have been with a Korean boyfriend for a while, and it is just easy to pick up when you have instant immersion into that.
Food? Maybe she has medical problems. A baby not eatting particular foods isn't a big deal either, those parents are just idiots...
Hopefully life will go easier on her. I would take her if I could :'(...Show more

The poor kid! I'd have her! And who wants to eat Dutch food anyway, the only Dutch food worth eating is those waffle biscuits with honey inside. Sound to me like the adoptive parents just wanted a "pet" and when it doesn't work out, they think they can just give it to someone else....Show more