I asked a few days ago about where does the soul go. Now I know. (in my own belief). How do I speak to these people ? He was a friend. I don't know his family. I'm speaking for his work buddies. He took his life.
Dances with Unicorns
Favorite Answer
I think it's just good to say that you will miss him, presuming that's true. Positive anecdotal stories can be nice, or if he helped other people in a particular way, you can mention something like that. If he made a difference in your life, talk about that. More than anything - speak from your heart, and it's hard to go wrong.
My sympathies on your loss.
Deirdre H
First, I'm terribly sorry for your loss. I sang at the funeral of a friend last spring under similar circumstances.
What would I say?
First, I would keep in mind the fact that suicide is a symptom of an illness. It is the final stage of the disease of depression or Bipolar disorder or other similar mental illnesses.
I would remember what that person gave to the world. Obviously he had friends. Obviously he cared about people. He loved and was loved, but unfortunately an illness took him.
So many people are shocked with suicide. They can understand a person dying from diabetes or heart disease or some other illness, but so many fail to recognize mental illness as a fatal illness. It truly is.
Many people might feel guilty that they didn't notice or weren't able to help. Many people might think "If I'd only been there" or "If I had only been able to talk to him". I still have these feelings at times when I think of my friend.
I've also been on the other end of mental illness. What I know is this: Nobody could have prevented the attempts that I made. I knew that people loved me, and I love them. The despair of depression is so great though, that I KNEW that these people would be better off without me.
It might be hard, but I might remind people that your friend died because of an illness. You could do no more for him than you could have for any other illness. Had you been there, you might have been able to intervene, but you could also perform CPR if you show up as a person is having a heart attack.
Please don't feel guilty; it's not your fault.
What are my own thoughts on my own friend's passing?
I sang "Into the West" by Annie Lennox for her. Here are the words.
Lay down your sweet and weary head
Night is falling, You have come to journey's end.
Sleep now, and dream of the ones who came before
They are calling, from across a distant shore.
Why do you weep? What are these tears upon your face?
Soon you will see, All of your fears will pass away
Safe in my arms
You're only sleeping.
What can you see, on the horizon?
Why do the white doves call?
Across the sea, a pale moon rises.
The ships have come to carry you home.
And all will turn to silver glass
A light on the water, All Souls Pass.
Hope fades, until the world of night
Through shadows falling out of memory and time.
Don't say, we have come now to the end
White shores are calling, you and I will meet again.
And you'll be here in my arms, just sleeping.
What can you see, on the horizon?
Why do the white doves call?
Across the sea, A pale moon rises
The ships have come to carry you home.
And all will turn to silver-glass
A light on the water, all souls pass
Into the west.
Your friend is at peace. Your friend died as the result of illness, and there should be no judgment regarding his courage or integrity.
Remember your love. Remember the joy you shared. Remember the good things.
If you need to feel anger, then please direct it at the negative attitudes that portray those with depression as weak. I am more than willing to bet that there were many times when you saw your friend as more than merely strong. That is part of the reason why people are so perplexed about suicide. We are taught to believe that it is a sign of weakness, but we find people who we thought were so strong doing it.
Again, I'm sorry for your loss. I hope that my words were in some small way helpful.
Blessings,
--Dee
stogen
As with all of life, some of the happiest times are the memories of good friends and family. Don't get ahead of me here. Your'e not there to enlighten the family, but your words can help comfort some and help them appreciate the memories that were made during the life of______. (If you have a favorite memory, tell others especially if it is lighthearted.) Something that you shared. We get so busy in life, we forget to tell others how much they mean to us and the impact that they have on our lives. The loss of a loved one or friend is what makes us stop and re-evalute the importance of life. That is when we think, "Wow, wished I could have done something." Death makes us appreciate the time we had with a friend or family member. We are calling forth Our Memory. Death is a part of life. Some have struggles during their life and make decisions they think are in their best interests, though the matters at hand have over-whelmed them and they can't think clearly. It is a good thing if we can, during each day, clear our minds and reflect on our favorite memories or just let the mind calm. With these things in mind you can relay what a fun person he was, or funny thing that happened at work, something memorable he did. You will do just fine......stogen
Wolfeblayde
Speak lovingly and honestly from your heart. Talk about the things you enjoyed about him and the experiences you had together. Keep your eulogy simple and comforting, the way you'd want someone to talk to your family if the situation was reversed.
You don't have to delve into theology: that's not what people go to a memorial service to hear. You knew a side of him -- the working side -- that his family and friends may not have seen. Share your memories of him with the other mourners, and you'll do just fine.
Brother Jonathan
Like so many others have said, please let me add my condolences at this time. I pray the Lord Jesus Christ will speak peace to your soul as you speak to these co-workers. No doubt they'll be confused, upset, mad, depressed, and many more shades of emotions too.
One idea--if you have the time before the service begins, try to go to a Christian bookstore, and see if they will let you borrow or make a copy of a service for a suicide victim. My grandfather was a minister for many years and gave me a copy of his minister's manual before he went to be with Jesus. If not, or if there isn't a bookstore, the suggested reading focuses on Jesus at the tomb of Lazarus. We need to remember that Jesus knows and cares, both for the one who departed and for those left behind. Because He cared for people in the past, and because He cares for all people even now, we can rest assured Jesus will care for everyone, no matter who they are or what they've done.
Best wishes to you all, and I pray the Lord will make you an instrument of His Peace during this time.