Initially, I didn't want to get married. I thought adopting a son later on in life would suffice my need for a family of my own. However, our Prophet has said that, ""Marriage is my tradition who so ever keeps away there from is not from amongst me".
Despite the fact that all my friends have gotten married, I do not feel the pressure, and thankfully enough my parents do not instigate. However considering marriage is a sunnah, I feel as though I should initiate the first step.
Now the main problem lies in the fact that I don't think I'm ready for marriage, nor do I feel the need to find a partner yet. Should I actually wait till that feeling kicks in (I doubt this is going to happen any time soon) or should I initiate the first step to meeting people? The latter is rather difficult since I've made some drastic changes in my life, and the only people I do meet are my best friends. I am trying not to disobey God here, but how do I get things started when in fact I have no interest?
2008-02-13T08:56:04Z
Oh by the way, I'm 29 and I've seriously accepted a solo life ahead but being a Muslim, I should follow our Prophet's sunnah. I guess I'm just really confused on how to approach life right at this stage. If I decide not to do anything for now, and end up not marrying, is that a considered a sin (for example, if there isn't any candidate in the potential list)?
All your contributions will be much appreciated. I just want different perspectives for this conflict of mine, since it's been in my head for the past couple of months. Thanks again!
2008-02-13T09:17:12Z
* My culture is pretty flexible so it isn't a determining factor in my decision at all. I just wanted to know a wholesome Islamic point of view of one who decides not to get married, since it's against the sunnah.
Doll, that's really profound! Merci!
Anonymous2008-02-13T09:05:24Z
Favorite Answer
Although marriage is generally considered a highly recommended act, yet from the point of view of fiqh (Islamic jurisprudence)—because of diverse circumstances—it can readily fall into one of the four categories listed below: Fard (obligatory) or mustahabb (recommended) or haram (forbidden) or simply halal (permitted).
1. Marriage is considered fard (obligatory) if a person is so tormented by sexual desire that he/she fears falling into the sin of fornication. Since staying away from fornication is obligatory, and since marriage is the only avenue for legitimate sexual satisfaction, it becomes obligatory on such a person to get married. This is based on the principle in jurisprudence that says: “If an obligatory thing cannot be fulfilled except by fulfilling another, then fulfilling the latter becomes equally obligatory.”
2. If, however, he or she is not so tormented by sexual desire, and, hence, there is no fear of falling into sin, then it is highly recommended to get married if one has the means to do so. By doing so, one is fulfilling one of the great Sunnahs of the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him), our perfect role model.
3. If a person knows for certain that he or she cannot fulfill the duties required in marriage, and there is no fear of his/her falling into sin, then it becomes haram for such a person to get married. Islam forbids us from doing injustice to another person; this would definitely be the case if one were to neglect his/her spousal duties.
4. If a person has no means to marry and is, therefore, incapable of fulfilling his spousal duties, but has strong desire, it is permitted for him to get married—provided he tries earnestly to seek an honest source of living. Allah has promised to help such a person. We must also add here a further note that the Muslim community has a duty to assist such people until such time that they become self-reliant.
If, however, no such measures are available, and a person finds himself unable to fulfill his spousal duties, he is advised to curb his desires through the discipline of fasting and other acts of sublimation.”
~
Edit: Your welcome =P Good luck with whatever you choose!
I used to think I wouldn´t marry, well, maybe when I´m 40 or so.... kids, well..... they would just hold me down.
Allah had different plans. I married at 24 and had my first child at 27. ha ha. Although there have been all sorts of ups and downs, I do not regret it a bit. I was a very independant person, and was happy enough with that. But now that I´m here (married for 13 years), I see how important it was for me to continue developing my personality, my character. Maybe this sounds wierd, I hope you understand a bit. I married into another culture (he´s Turkish, I´m Cdn, I became Muslim much after marrying) and we live in Germany, and have 3 kids. It´s all a bit mixed up and crazy, which to be honest, fits my lifestyle. I have a few female friends who are my age and are NOT married. There are times when I look at them and think they have it "good". They have time and money for any course/trip/activity they want, they stay healthier (no kids), they leave a partner when things get rough (ok - to make it clear, I AM Muslim , they are not!). But then I remember that they are actually using those things to fill the gap - they are YEARNING for what I have! Our marriage has had it´s hard times, and al-humdulillah, Allah has brought us through, and it has all made us both better people for it. This is only some insight I have gained, which I could never have had before. I´ve travelled a lot, studied, done SO many things, but it was Marriage which really brought me down to earth, which really gave me the security I wasn´t even aware I was lacking.
I had no idea I´d write this much, sorry. Hope this might have helped a little bit, and didn´t sound like an old grandma giving advice (I´m only 37, and don´t think I´m THAT wise yet).
Marriage is a sunnah but it is a not obligatory. It is best you do what it right for you now. And wait to see if the desire to do so arises later and then act upon it. Although marriage is a good thing the Prophet Muhammad(PBUH) said that of all the things that Allah allow the most displeasing is divorce and if you aren't ready to marry or are doing it not because this passionate desire to be with and share your life with another person that makes you incredibly happy then there is always the possibility that marriage could lead there. When the time is right and marriage is for you you will know don't rush it. And in all honesty true love tends to happen when you aren't really looking for it. It finds you and when the time is right Allah will send it your way.
Marriage is not a trivial matter. It is legal protection and has benefits that go to one of the partners if one of them dies; it simplifies some matters and complicates others but ultimately, it is not just a 'piece of paper.' It is also a committed lasting bond before God between a man and a woman. If you don't want that, take legal steps to protect yourself. If you are gay, civil unions are available. Marriage is not a trivial matter - ask anyone who's ever been divorced. You never know that it is going to work. But it IS the end of screwing around, shopping around, sampling and having performance-type sex with people you don't know very well. If the last thing describes the kind of sex you are having with your wife or husband, then the marriage isn't going to last! A couple can know that they are going to marry the other person the moment they meet. It happens. But most people want to get to know the other person really well before marriage. Whatever you can do to know that you truly know the person, however long that takes is the right amount of time. Living together doesn't mean much except as a 'test drive' - people who live together get divorced in just as high numbers, if not higher, than people who waited until marriage to live together. Children need to be born to married couples - just because children need all the support they can get! It's not easy to walk away from your husband or wife but sometimes people do. They would certainly have walked away if they weren't married, too.
Maybe you should try to really think about why you're not interested in it. Sure it can be hard work but doesn't the thought of having a life long companion sound nice? Someone to hangout with all the time? And sure, someone to do physical stuff with. And adopting is great mashallah, but wouldn't you also like a child of your own? Maybe change your perspective on marriage but if not, it is a waste of your time as well as the woman's.