Should my husband and I consider adopting outside of our race?
My husband and I want to grow our family with biological and adopted children. Our hearts are open to any race that God would want in our family. Because of the area we are in the likelihood of us receiving a child from another race is very promising. This is exciting to us. My husband is in the military, we are both Caucasian and we both grew up in very diverse areas. Right now we are living in Mississippi and there are a number of racist people here. We will probably only live here for about two years. Should we allow the stigma in the area we are in stop us from adopting outside our race for now?
2008-02-28T15:51:06Z
I would like to say that the majority of the questions in these forums are to see different view points. My husband and I want ANY child God wants us to have . .may I refresh that point. We would not second guess our choice based on an area or not. I think that this topic is a good one to talk about. When people scrutinize you for a question, you just are turned off from ever wanting to have an educated discussion.
allip872008-02-28T15:03:23Z
Favorite Answer
Don't let other people's opinions put a stop on something that you both want to do. You'll be helping a child and yourselves for doing such a lovely thing! Race has nothing to do with the love you can give that child or vice versa and other people need to see that as well. By doing something of the sort in an area where there are racist people, hopefully you can open their eyes to new things. I think what you want to do is great and you shouldn't let anyone stop you!
We are a caucasian couple who adopted African children.
To be honest, the community in which your children are raised, will impact them. That's unavoidable. But the question is, how will you deal with it? You will get some rude and racist comments wherever you live, but granted, it may be worse in your community than others. You will also be noticed, as a family unit, wherever you go. Every time my family goes into a restaraunt, heads turn. And they always will, but we don't pay attention to it as much as we used to. Some looks will be approving and some will be disapproving. Both types of looks can and will come from both caucasian people and African american people.
There is something about adoption that makes people feel entitled to approach perfect strangers and ask some very personal and often rude questions. Most of the time, people are simply curious. Curiousity, I can deal with. But the fact that our social mores about what is, and is not, appropriate to ask strangers point-blank, is sometimes ignored when adoption is involved, just boggles me.
It is very important for children of a different race than their parents to be exposed to positive role models of their own race. There is also the matter of skin/hair care to keep in mind. I can't do cornrows or microbraids to save my life, so we take our daughter to an ethnic stylist. It's extremely important that you take care of your children's hair/skin for the self esteem of the child.
And the African American community will judge you, as a caucasian couple, by the condition of your children's skin/hair. I can't tell you how many times I've been approached by African Americans in the street and been complimented that we take the time and effort to ensure that our children (particularly our daughter) has neatly groomed hair. This may seem off-topic, but it's important that if you can't braid hair, there is someplace you can bring your children where it can be done.
Bottom line, discuss this with your husband, the rest of your family and your friends. If you think it would be best to wait until you leave this community, do so. If you think you can deal with the racism there as well as provide the children opportunity to meet and know positive role models, then go for it.
Good luck.
Edit: Mom5girlz is right, "In their own voices" is a great book! So is "Inside Transracial Adoptions." We read both frequently before we adopted.
i am a biologically hispanic person. my parents are as white as white can be. i was raised in a part of texas that is a majority hispanic. i have fine thin reddish curly hair and a wide nose. i have been asked,"what are you" more times than i can count. no one was nice until i grew up. i was called a white wanna be( it hurt when i was little) and told that i was a race trader because i couldn't speek spanish. the white kids sometimes befriended me but mostly only the "bad" kids that couldn't get other friends.I was from a wealthy christian family,but most of my peers thought i was less than them and some even called me dirty.the mexican kids didn't want to be my friend because i was not one of them either. my mother and i both think that if she knew how miserable my childhood would be she would have NOT said "whatever child God sends me will be a blessing". we are a very close family and i am very blessed,but i do have problems with self esteem and acceptance and trust. i can't seem to believe that anyone could want me for me and not have an ulterior motive. it has given me the ability to truely believe that race and "culture" do not matter and i think that is a blessing all people should learn.but i also tend to think negative thoughts about hispanic females in general.
Okay, let me prefaced my answer by telling you I am the adoptive mother of a child of another race, and I love my daughter more than anything. I am so proud to have her as my child. We have a wonderful relationship, and I would never trade our life together. My husband and I are caucasion, our daughter is Hispanic. When we went through the adoption process, we were asked if we would consider a child of another race. At that time, in the place we lived, the people Hispanics were nice people. We didn't think there would be any problems. About the time our daughter turned 5, the eco/social climate of the community we lived in began to change, and a different class of this Hispanics began to move in. By the time my daughter reached middle school, she began to have problems. Many of the white kids prejudice against her because she was 'Mexican', many of the Hispanic were prejudiced against her calling her a 'wannabe'. and other things..... What would my advice be? From what I watched my daughter go through, and seeing how she suffered from the cruelty of others, I'd advise you not to. Before you adopt a child of another race, think long and hard about it. Remember, it isn't just about the 2 of you, but consider the feelings of the child, and what they are going to go through at the hands (and mouths) of others who. And just moving to another part of the country won't get you away from prejudice. It is everywhere in the world.
No reason not to get a mixed race child,God Bless you and your husband. The child will be in the right home. As a Southerner I must defend the people of Mississippi,they are on the most part very gentle and loving people and Christians too. Anyone that attacks a child because he is mixed blood is a coward and is beyond a racist and they are everywhere.So with the strength you and your husband seem to have don't let that stop you. And thank your husband for his military service.