So I am defiantly transsexual, and I came out to someone very dear to me who acted in disgust at even the mention of it. It was my girlfriend, who I am totally in love with, and she broke up with me.
I just want to know.... do you think it is worth it to not act upon my feelings so that I can be normal? I don't want to lose the people I love, and I have been crying over my GF for days. Is it worth enduring the pain knowing that I am in the wrong body so that I can be with the person I love?
2008-04-27T08:29:37Z
Sorry for the confusion, I'm a guy, not a girl (the picture is misleading)
Anonymous2008-04-27T11:19:18Z
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I'm sorry this happened to you. The reaction is common though, I have some links you can look thing up in to find out about what is going on and a little story to tell you. I decided not to transition because a church told me it was wrong and I got married instead - my life became so stressful that I had a nervous breackdown and now I am permanently disabled. Here is a description of the condition http://www.harrybenjaminsyndrome-info.org/
Here is a link for people 14-30 to get together and discuss their problems with it http://www.trueselves.com/
Here are some more helps http://www.tsroadmap.com/ http://www.transgendercare.com/ http://www.annelawrence.com/twr/index.html http://www.tgguide.com/ http://www.gendertree.com/ http://www.samiscloset.com/
A lot of us have been exactly where you are. Let me first address this statement
"do you think it is worth it to not act upon my feelings so that I can be normal?
What exactly IS normal? From what you write here you 1) know your transsexual 2) Know you are a girl inside. Please do not demean yourself by assuming that your feelings are abnormal, they are not and you are not a bad person for feeling this way. You were born into a condition that you can't be responsible for.
With that stated let me point out one big issue with late onset transition. When some if us were younger this condition was not only shunned but there was very little educated information on it. Knowing that we would be treated poorly most of us force ourselves to live a life that society is deemed proper for our birth gender. We go into very masculine roles to prove we are the men society expects us to be, we get into relationships, have families with the perception that we will either grow out of this or that love will simply be enough the change us. In the end it can lead to the break up of relationships because the people in our lives feel they have been deceived.
If you are truly transsexual then the older you get the stronger these feelings get. It will be with you your whole life and when you add that into the dynamics of a relationship without the consent of your partner it can really do more than just 1 person a lot of damage. The deeper you go into suppressing this the more you end up self hating and feeling resentful of the people around you because you are living a lie
You did the right thing by telling her and I'm very sorry that she couldn't understand you enough to be there for you. While I know that must hurt tremendously I can tell you that she simply isn't the girl for you and you would be wrong to force this on her. You need someone who can love you unconditionally and this girl simply doesn't have that capacity...
Don't feel bad about your feelings and who you are. Do find yourself a gender specialized counselor to help you sort out your feelings, learn self acceptance and learn that what you are feeling is valid. Set out whatever plan you need to feel right about yourself whatever that might be. Only you can determine that with the help of counseling.
If you don't take care of this I assure you that it will just get worse and you will go into any relationship with way too much baggage. You deserve to be happy and in doing so you have more to offer any person you get involved with long term.
If you need someone to talk too you can email me through my id or even go see my blog.
Good luck and remember, you're worthy of being happy.
This is a horrible situtation...I'm so sorry. And I'm sorry your girlfriend reacted the way she did.
But, I'm afraid you can't undo anything now. She already knows, and you can't easily say "Hey...uh...I'm not transsexual now! Take me back!" although I wish, for your sake, that you could.
But I really think you did the right thing. By not telling her, you'd be living a lie. And although you love her and it seems that living a lie is just a small price to pay for being with her, you know deep in your heart that its best to be true to yourself.
I'm so sorry about what happened with your girlfriend...but you *will* find someone who accepts the fact that you're transsexual and still loves you just as much as you love them.
i have the same problem the pain goes away but trying to fight being a transgendered person and pushing that side of you away make you live a very unhappy life you have to be who you are or you will never be happy and you also have to understand that some woman think it is nasty to be that way but some enjoy it just be yourself and maybe she'll at least be you friend through it all
firstly..I am sorry to hear of how your g/f reacted.
for some people anything different to them..is too uncomfortable for them to deal with...Who knows..maybe your g/f will rethink what she has done when she realizes it is all a part of you...you are not different..
Differences in people is what makes us all unique. Personally..I think it was wonderful that you wanted to share that part of yourself with her..
Is there a transsexual group in your area?..Something you can join and perhaps be able to connect with others and get some advice from them?..If you are feeling alone in your desires..I can guarantee there are more then you realize who share the same passion as you do.