Malachi Constant asked a question about the gender of our contact lists. Curous, I checked and discovered that 70 or 80% of my almost exclusively LDS contact list are you ladies. I'm pretty sure that it is a coincidence caused by the preference of female types for communicating online (as opposed to gaming etc) but I thought that I'd check with you. I am getting married again on Saturday and want to cross all of the t's and dot all of the i's. I'd appreciate your feedback.
strplng warrior mom2008-05-12T11:43:08Z
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In my opinion - so long as you are honestly representing yourself, sharing the fun of Y!A with your fiancee and open regarding your dealings - there's no problem. Is there really a difference between your dealings/friendships here and the ones you may have in your ward or branch? Are there not some people of either sex whose opinion you admire and whom you enjoy talking/listening to? This is not inappropriate. I have had a couple emails with members of the opposite sex regarding questions & life - but they're not inappropriate nor seeking to establish a relationship which would threaten my marriage [in fact, I share many of my 'conversations' with my hubby - who loves it as it helps him fall asleep; and my parents - who enjoy the thought provoking discussions and perspectives involved [my mom's trying to figure out how to find r/s & my father is scared to try it for fear he'd become addicted].
So - the moral is: share it all with your sweetheart and all will be well.
I think that as long as the line does not get crossed by emailing back and forth, flirtations, etc., you are good. I would show your list to your fiancee and ask her input. If she feels uncomfortable, then follow that up. My DH knows who is in my address book and I, his.
I think though that keeping things open is there. As married LDS folk with an online life, we must always make sure that our spouse is the first person that we turn to and we allow nothing to come before them.
I got married about 6 weeks ago- and have a number of male contacts on here. I don't think that is inappropriate- for me the point of having contacts- especially LDS ones is the ease of finding LDS questions to answer. There are also those who I like their questions and answers. I think when you start chatting and forming relationships with them outside of YA- then it becomes a problem. Also if you have an "r&S" wife that is not your real wife- that I would find inappropriate.
I would introduce your wife to R&S. But really just limit your contact with female members of this site and you should be fine.
If you are just using them as contact to review questions they ask or answer, no big deal.
The problems start when you begin to develop a personal relationship with someone of the opposite sex, via e-mail, phone, chat, etc. If you ever feel like hiding something on here from your wife, that's a problem and you should stop immediately.
A good article to read would be Pres. Uchtdorf's talk "See the End from the Beginning", from the April 2006 conference. http://www.lds.org/ldsorg/v/index.jsp?vgnextoid=2354fccf2b7db010VgnVCM1000004d82620aRCRD&locale=0&sourceId=b209e2270ed6c010VgnVCM1000004d82620a____&hideNav=1
Also, "A Tragic Evil Among Us" by Pres. Hinckley from the Priesthood Session of Conference in October of 2004. http://www.lds.org/ldsorg/v/index.jsp?vgnextoid=f318118dd536c010VgnVCM1000004d82620aRCRD&locale=0&sourceId=00dd8fbe352fe010VgnVCM100000176f620a____&hideNav=1
If you mind the counsel given in these two wonderful talks and remain open and honest with your almost wife, I'm sure you'll be just fine.
I think it's much ado about nothing. I don't even think about the male/female ratio that are in my contacts. When I find a person's answers intriguing or informative I add them without thinking about their gender. If someone has added me to their contacts, I will usually check out their profile to see what kind of character they are, but again, I do it without thinking about their gender. By the way, congratulations on getting married. From this question you asked it seems obvious that you are trying to do the noble thing by considering her feelings even down to the detail. I don't think you have anything to worry about.