So, my husband and I are having some serious issues. He has turned very controlling, telling me what I can and can't do. Being very judgemental. I can't take it anymore. He has more than pushed me away from him. Thus, that being said..I'm not in love with him anymore nor do I care to be intimate with him. We have not had sex in 3 months and we're newleyweds. I'm thinking about taking a break from him and staying with my folks for a week or so. We have nothing in common anymore and I'm truely not happy. How do you break someone's heart to suite your own happiness? Is that crudy? I love him dearly, but I'm not in love with him. It's not fair for either one of us to continue on like this.. Please, any advice would be helpfull! Thanks.
Anonymous2008-05-12T09:40:57Z
Favorite Answer
I wouldn't worry too much about breaking his heart, as he doesn't seem to care about yours. His ego will be bruised, but he'll get over it.
Better to get it over with early. I take it you don't have children. That would really complicate things.
I'm assuming the question is in reference to a boyfriend / girlfriend, and not a family member or general friend. When somebody says, "I love you, but I'm not In-Love with you.", then be very aware such person is extremely confused. It is not possible to love, but not be in-love, because falling in love comes before actually loving the person. So when you hear such cheap statements, then it's your first clue the person doesn't know what true love is because he/she has never experienced it yet. You might also consider moving on and looking for someone else, because you're probably wasting your time with that person. 1st gear - There are different torques (strengths) of love in a relationship, but "falling in love" is only 1st gear, because it is the initial infatuation seed being planted in the relationship. How it grows from there is up to the couple. This is also where intimate affection may occur and Oxytocin is being released into the brain. You really can't get anywhere at all without Oxytocin (look it up, it is essential in pair bonding and romance). 2nd gear is care. You care deeply about the person and would do anything for the person. 3rd gear is sacrifice. You're willing to make sacrifices for the person, and to keep the person in your heart. 4th gear is commitment. You're willing to make serious promises that the person will always be your one-and-only center of your universe. 5th gear is marriage. You would rather die than not be with the person forever. 6th gear is maximum true love. This is where you have sworn your soul to love the person even beyond death. If the person dies before you do, then you will never seek another. Hope that helps
Seems to me you already have the answers to your questions. It's not fair to either of you to continue on this path, I'm assuming there are no children involved in this seeing your newly weds. Just think if there were how unfair it would be to the children. If I were you I would take that break away from my husband, then search deep within myself and ask what was it that I seen in this man to want to marry him in first place. I take it, there was some sort of courtship wasn't there? Ephesians 6:10-18 if you read you will realize how these verses prepare us for warfare. One of the battles is against those things that keep us from having strong marriages and families. The first half of chapter 5 discusses husband-wife relations with marriage. These instructions help us see clearly that there is a way to keep marriages and family strong. A lasting marriage is of great value but you must be prepared for warfare to preserve it. You say you love him dearly, try to fight first to save marriage then if all else fails. At least you can say you tried, this may not be your season. The Lord may have other plans for you both with other people just not with each other. God wants us to be happy there is light at the end of the tunnel.
Well love is a decision you make and if your choice is to not be in love with him anymore then that is what you have done. He doesnt show you any respect and if he wont talk about it or change the way he is dealing with things then he is really pushing you into making the choice for him. Im sorry you hav ealready lost your marriage to the divorce gods. Hopefully there were no children involved. Just get on with your life. Marriage is not all its cracked up to be and life is to short to not be happy.
wives should obey their husbands, BUT that doesn't mean they can take full advantage of that plus more! that's just sick! I believe there is such a thing as loving someone but not being in love...i'm in the same boat as you. Expressing feelings& telling each other what you both find wrong does help...he just has to respect you. If you know he doesn't... tell him you're off to your parents. Hope all goes well.