would you go to a different state if the adoption agency payed your way to have your child. This is in order for the father or others to know about the birth. Would you go?
What I mean is their are adoption agencies out there that will take a birth mother to another state to have the child so the father won't know where his child is going to be born so if he doesn't find out in time he can't claim. Would you go anyway?
MamaKate
Favorite Answer
No. It is immoral and illegal to hide a child from it's parent without proving the parent to be unfit in a court of law.
If a father is abusive, I feel that his rights should be determined by a court of law rather than a mother "taking justice into her own hands" by concealing the existance of a child all together or omitting the father in decisions pertaining to an adoption. I have seen too many cases of women who claim "abuse" in order to shut a father out of a child's life. Divorce courts are full of them. (With the exception of rape, I always have to wonder,"If this man is so terrible, why did you sleep with him?")
I am not implying that a woman should not protect herself and her child from physical harm, merely that there are ways to protect one's self while still being morally and legally upright. I know there are exceptions and emergencies which call for special consideration, but in general, there is a reason we have laws concerning just this. We have systems and resources to help and protect women in these situations, use them. Restraining orders, battered women's sheleters, protective patrols, arresting abusers, etc. are all available for these women and children to use.
If a man is unfit, he should be stripped of his rights by the court. I realize our system isn't perfect, but to entirely disreguard the rights of another person without due process is wrong. I always want to ask these mothers, "Would you want someone to do this to YOUR son?"
This is an issue which is a huge problem for me in adoption. It causes heartache for fathers, their families, adoptive parents and the CHILDREN. It wastes court time and resources to have to hear cases where someone has skirted the law to place a child for adoption and the court must now determine who is entitled to a child. TPR of an unfit parent can be done in less time, with less damage and is morally far more respectable.
Putative father's registries are part of the problem. While the were invented to give "lip service" to father's rights. They essentially force a father to "claim" what is ALREADY rightfully his. They violate father's rights by allowing loopholes for pregnancy/child concealment, underhanded adoption practices and placing an undue burden of proof on father's in court.
Father's rights is a subject very near and dear to my heart and I could rail about it for hours, but I'll stop here! :) (I'll probably come back and add later though!)
Your son and his son should not have to be going through this. Your family is in my thoughts.
PS
I have several good links to info about father's rights on my MySpace page, you may find some helpful info:
http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewprofile&friendid=234712244
Ocean1
Please be careful in your decision. My husband and I are looking for a birth mother now and in trying to educate ourselves on the process we have learned that if a father is not contacted, then he could later go through the court process to get the baby back. He needs to know that the baby is born. If the agency has any idea who the father is they will try to contact him. If not, there is a waiting period (differs for different states) that must be gone through where the father is notified through public means (newspapers and such) and given the chance to parent or legally give up his rights.
Granted a father usually has to prove he has supported the pregnancy through out and things like that, but if he has and you hide the birth, the baby could end up with the father, even after the child is given to the adoptive family. Keep in mind that in most states it is at least a 3-6 month process that adoptive families go through once the baby is in their custody before the adoption is final. Be very open with your agency, there are rules and guidelines that need to be followed to make sure the adoption is completely legal and the adoptive family can keep the child.
God bless you in your decision...
utahyoda
I believe the father has the right to know, but if the mother fears for her safety or the safety of the child, then leaving the state may be the only safe thing to do. Yes, there are programs that help mothers leave the state, and some adoptive parents will take the birth mother in while she is pregnant. Talk to a couple of agencies.
snowwillow20
No, I would never go to another state to give birth just to keep the father from knowing when his child was born, unless he was psycho and I feared for my life and my baby's life. I believe the father has the right to know his child.
chelsea s
Well, I was and still am in a committed relationship with the father of the baby we relinquished. So no. I think the decision should be made by everyone involved. Hopefully everyone involved is mature enough to make a responsible decision.