why do people call the Birth mother and father's either drug addits or sperm donors?
Ever time I read a answer it's almost always the mother is a drug addit or the father is a unknown sperm donor or no one talks about him. Most of you adopted couples wouldn't have told this mother that's how you feel before you got her child. You should be glad she LET you raise there child.Who gives you the right to throw stones I should hate my son's ex for what she did to him but she told the adoption social worker and the hospital and the couple who the father was and it was them that talked her into all the secrets. I don't like what she did but I'll never down grade her for given my grandson life.
2008-07-19T09:21:54Z
Would you call GOD a sperm donor?
2008-07-19T09:39:32Z
Dear Blue, If all the adopted parents felt like you there would be a lot of well adjusted adoptee's when they get older. My son get's his son for the whole month of July for visitation he also has his daughter same mother of both children. The mother wanted the daughter for the weekend so my son went to met her with both children she never even looked at the baby. Mad NO- this is her lost..
2008-07-21T05:41:38Z
I understand a lot of the birth mother and fathers are trash but there are also quite a lot of adopted parents that kill there adopted children or abuse them so what do we call all adopted parents Killlers. What about that the fact that of all the serial killer's are adopted but we label that adoptee's are troubled children. I'm so sorry if I upset anyone with my question. But I guess if your calling these birth mother's addits then you must also say they didn't have enough brain cells to abort which would have gave them so pain killers. Even with what happened to my family I'm greatful that the birth mother didn't abort this wonderful child. I'm upset at the way the couple who wanted to adopt went way out of there way to steal the child. OH they knew from the very begining that the father wouldn't consent to adoption they even went from one social worker to another to get them to do this.
Anonymous2008-07-19T09:24:29Z
Favorite Answer
I think that in many cases, people who do this fear the competition from the natural parents. A lot of mom's come here asking if their new husband/boyfriend can adopt their child because the "sperm donor" is a jerk, or ran off, or has never been around, etc. A FEW others are AP's (this doesn't seem to be the norm, although I could be missing it), and in those cases, I think it's the same thing. They fear the competition. What if the child loves the natural parent(s) more? I must talk them down, act as though they are evil people, pretend that they don't count, be as mean about them as possible, so that MY child won't want to find them or like them, and certainly s/he won't LOVE them, much less more than ME.
I think most of the AP's who post here regularly are a lot more emotionally prepared for the future than that. Most of them would love for their kids to find their natural parents, and I would think that at least a large portion are aware that they are good enough parents, and good enough people in general, that their kids aren't going to run for the hills the day they turn 18. So, there's no need for competition. Kids, and adults, have this really cool ability to love more than the people who raised them.
ETA: Some folks also don't seem to understand that even if all the father EVER did was "donate sperm", he is still half of that child, and therefore, he is NOT just a "sperm donor". It's disrespectful to call ANY father that, no matter how little he has to do with his child. He is a part of every friggin' cell in that child's body, so NO, he is NOT a sperm donor! (Any more than the mother is an "egg donor".) Can you get any more disrespectful to that child?
I don't know anything about my daughter's parents (China), however, I choose to believe, until I discover othwerwise, that they were good people that made the best decision they could. My daughter was left in a highly populated area where their risk of getting caught was very high, but they wanted their daughter found quickly. This tells me a lot about them. We speak very lovingly to our daughter about her mama and I do believe that has made a positive impact.
We are currently in the process of adopting from foster care and so far everthing we have been told about the children's parents is that they were drug addicts and the children have suffered because of it. You can't sweep addiction under the rug. If someone is an addict then they are an addict, but that does NOT mean that aparents should be speaking disparaginly about the first parents, if for nothing else than damaging their children's sense of worth and esteem. Many aparents are angry at what the first parent's addiction did to to their children and that is natural, but I don't think it is healthy for the children themselves to have to hear about it. Kids need love and acceptance... leave the fparents issues where they belong... with them.
I highly doubt that any aparent on here is saying negative things about fparents to their children. This is an anonymous place to vent without anyone getting hurt. Everyone needs to let it out sometimes.
It's never a good idea to talk bad about the birth parents or aparents or any parents. My parents divorced when I was 16. My mom never said a bad word against my dad even though there was plenty to tell. It was not until I was 25 yrs old that I figured a lot out on my own and it was then that I knew how hard it was her to keep quiet and I had the utmost respect for her. At 17 I was pregnant and hid myself from the world. I lived the lie and kept the secret but I never said a bad word against my boyfriend who later became my husband. It was just as hard for him to give our daughter up as it was for me. It made us stronger people in the end. We have a son and even though my husband could have been a better father, I have never said a bad word against him. He was not just a sperm donor and I am not a druggie and never have been. It doesn't do anyone any good to bad mouth anyone.
I'm sure not EVERY birth parent falls into those categories, but ALL the children my parents have fostered said their parent(s) abused drugs. Most have NO idea who their fathers are, except for the one set of kids who were adopted after the parents died in an accident.
My bio mother wasn't a drug addict (that I know of), but she hung out with a prostitute and "married" (common law) a felon/abuser. My bio father WAS a sperm donor, never knew his name and was gone before I was ever even born.
My little brother & sister were also adopted by my adoptive parents, and their bio mother WAS, in fact, a drug addict.
So my answer to your question is: because an awful lot of the time it is true.