I've been married almost 10 years to a woman I love. recently she told me she doesn't love me. Never really has. Not the way a woman should love her man. Guess I was blind. Never saw it that way. Frankly, I don't believe "every" word.
But I've been doing my best to make her feel special and bring back that loving feeling.
She gets back rubs and foot massages 3-4 times per week. I make dinner more frequently, clean the house, put the dishes away, do laundry, try to appear positive and treat her to small things often.
I love her more than life itself. Just looking for some other things.
Let's hear your best. Money's a little tight right now so no extravagant trips/jewelry.
Anonymous2008-09-07T19:08:51Z
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This is the thing... you can TRY to make her love you (which you can't make anyone love you...love is something that just happens when it does and when it doesn't it's not there at all) but you are trying for someone who doesn't deserve it. Worse, yet, you are trying for someone who admits to never loving you, which means she's made you live a lie.
I know it hurts to not have love. But, understand that it's just as painful to be lonely AND married... If you get out of this situation now, you at least have a chance to try and find someone who will appreciate you. If you stay with this woman now, she will only hurt you further by continuing to use you or worse yet, finding someone else and leaving you high and dry...
***Edit***
Please, don't listen to the sentimental saps who tell you that you're doing the right thing... I am sorry to have to tell you this, but you aren't. You should NEVER have to try to make someone love you. They should do it on their own. Spending money and time on someone who said they NEVER loved you is immature... Please, don't do this to yourself! You will feel damaged later when it turns out to be for nothing...
Sounds like maybe she didn't feel appreciated and figured this may wake you up. It also could mean she never really loved you to begin with and has now got the backbone to tell you that. You sound like someone who most woman would kill for so maybe you would be better off letting this one go so you can find someone who will love you and give you some proper womanly love. Because I would seriously bet you not been getting the sex. I hear you man it has been ten years of your life and you do not want to give up but in all honesty and a alot of reality unless both partners want the same thing it will just be an uphill battle with no resolve.
She is politely asking you for a divorce.
Your doing more around the house but seriously how do you expect to have some one fall back in love with you even though she has just told you she has never loved you.
I think you need to realize it is over man and time to move on as I said you sound like a good guy and you should have someone to love you back if you given the love to them.
God Bless and Best Wishes
One way to see if this is going to work is mention marriage counselling if she is not wiling to put in the effort to work on the marriage why should you?
I resemble that. Years ago (we have been married for 18+ years) I had told my husband that I didn't love him, and maybe we should separate. He responded by backrubs, footrubs, doting, etc. What I was really missing was conversation and honesty, something he could never give me. I also missed dedicated alone time, just the two of us. Did I mean that I wanted to get separated, no I didn't. It was to elicit a response from him (yeah I admit I hit below the belt), but he responded by the backrubs, etc, never by open communication. There were several times he either broke promises that we both agreed on, or did things behind my back, then glossed over them, which over the years I put up with (stupid me), but also wore me down. These weren't minor things either. Two years ago I even asked for counseling, and he just ignored me (he's very passive aggressive).
Things have drastically changed now. He said he fell out of love with me, called an old girlfriend from high school, started an internet/cell phone romance (she lives several states away) and has now moved out to be with her. This all took place in a couple months. Now that he is gone, he doesn't even call the kids (8 & 13), which he has always been very close with. Throughout this whole ordeal I have told him I love him and don't want to get divorced.
I think you need a frank discussion with your wife and ask her if that's how she really feels. Find out the things that attracted her to you to begin with. I would also recommend counseling as an option, because even if you two separate/divorce, maybe you could at least remain cordial to one another, but you may also reconnect on some level too. Now, my husband treats me as if I never existed, even though through the years he seemed very devoted. I would hate for you to go through what I am experiencing now, especially if you have children (mine are devastated because they don't understand why he could walk out of their lives so readily). Good luck and good planning.
if your wife said that she dose not or never has loved you then why has she not left you.i don't believe that she truly dose not love you,because if she didn't she would have moved out or asked you to leave.it seems that the 10th year of marriage is when a lot of couples have major problems,myself included.that is when i was told the old ( i don't love you anymore )other married friends of mine ( 2 different couples ) also at the tenth year of marriage began considering separation/divorce.it make me very sad to see such an increase of this 10th year problem.it use to be the 7th year itch,now it is the 10 year dooms day bomb.stats say that over 65% of divorces are initiated by women these days.is that because women are lacking in morality and put less value on family value,or is it because they are financially capable of taking care of themselves.i still am IN love and still love my wife even though we have been separated for almost 2 years now,but sorry to say that nothing can make someone love you back,no matter what you say or do.love either IS or is NOT. but just in case someone has a sure fire,no fail,guaranteed solution to this problem i will keep on viewing ANSWERS.
Sorry man, but all the stuff in the world will not get her to love you. In fact, she actually resents the stuff you are doing. Some women do not like to be treated good, and will not live their lives with a good man. I was you, once, then came the divorce. My personality did a 180. I no longer have to worry about being loved or cheated on, because I'm the one that doesn't care, and I'm the one that cheats.In my world if someone cheats, it's going to be me. It's a weird world.The more I mistreat them, the harder they try to please me. Life is just a joke! Let her go, and tell her she can never come back.