Last week I gave him an ultimatum and he is starting to help but with tremendous anger towards me. He is watching for all my faults and accuses me of everything WRONG in the house. I feel very alone in this marriage and want to leave. So many people told me not to leave because I have children. I know our relationship is dysfunctional. What to do? Anyone been there? done that?
Anonymous
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I just had the same discussion with my wife. I couldn't understand how she thinks cooking and cleaning is somehow worth as much or more than the extra $1k/month salary i bring home.
So, what we did: she pays half of everything now, and I do half the housework.
Barbie
You both need to compromise... maybe see a counselor? You do not give enough Information - how many hours does he work? Is he working two jobs or lots of overtime to make ends meet? Are you a stay at home mom or do you also work outside the home? Try to simplify things to be done at home, have the kids help so it is a family thing. Then spend some time together having fun, even just watching a movie together. It is frustrating, if he works all the time, and you are home with 2 little kids. Was he raised to help around the house, or did his mom do it all? If you leave the marriage, you will still be doing it all yourself. Back in the day, the dad worked and the mom took care of the house and kids. Maybe he thinks that is the way it should be? Try to work it out so it is a win win solution for both of you.
byrrdinca
It is nice to know that other women are going through this; however, friends try to play like they're husband is the best, but still end up in divorce court and nobody even knew they were having problems!
I go through the same thing; however, with one child. I refused to have more than one toddler at a time with my husband because I knew that I would be doing all the work.
I don't know (but would love to), if men don't like to take their daughters a bath is the reason that you can't get a break from the duties of being a mother(?). My husband has never taken our daughter a bath (when I was in town) (Oh, I forgot he did it for maybe a week, after I bit**** so bad when I was working) that he actually took her a bath.
My husband does NOTHING around the house, or for the children. He will only do things with the children (if I'm present). I never get a break (help from my husband) from my daughter. I have to leave town or drop my daughter off with her sister (without my husband knowing), just to get a break.
I too feel that I raise my daughter alone; however, she can say she has a dad. I know the outcome of this because I also have a 23 year old daughter that hates her father because she says he was just there. He didn't take her anywhere, teach her anything about life or do anything that she can remember. She says the only things she remember is what I did for her.
I stay now because I have no choice. But I'm tired all of the time, can't sleep because my daughter is always waking up in the middle of the night and I have no social life because my husband gets mad anytime I leave the house; telling me that I need to get back (like he wants to spend time with me)...that's not going to happen.
I hate my life!!! So I've been there, done that and doing it again!
Beth
I was in that exact situation. I was married 8 years also and have two boys 7 and 3. I don't think that this sort of man will ever understand what he is doing to his family. He does think that he is doing what is best for his family and that is being gone and working all the time making money. I didn't have much help from him with the kids either. If this situation has been going on a long time it probably will not change. There is more going on with him and needs to talk to someone. Mine did not and still does not believe he did anything wrong. I am raising my two kids myself also and on top of that work a full time job. One other thing I stayed with my ex a lot longer than I should of too for the kids. That isn't a reason to stay if you are unhappy get out. It isn't healthy for the kids to live in this sort of environment.
Anonymous
I have been married as long as you and have to same problem with my husband. We have two daughters ages 5 and 3 and they are hard work. Also I have a job and work nights. I have asked my husband with dinner and giving the girls a bath and he does it once and thinks he good for the rest of the year. I used to be a stay at home mom, but decided to go back to work. Thinking it would easier because I would be away for 8 hours a day, but now think it is much hardier then when I stayed at home. I simply cannot get everything done like I used to. I manage to keep up laundry and dishes but that is about it. He is mad because the house is not clean, but doesnt want to help me out. I have no time and when I do I like to spend it with the girls. I sleep from 8- 2:30 and then I had to go pick up one from school and the other from daycare and then I get home spend and hour with them and then time to make dinner, clean the kitchen, do a couple loads of laundry, give the girls a bath, and then shower myself. While my husband sets and watches tv. He doesnt get home till 6 but still it would help me out if he could do those two things. So trust me I know where you are coming from. Still marriage is something everyone has to work on. I dont want to leave, but I do. I do everything myself anyway. I just hope your situation is much better then mine. I really do hope you the best.