Couples Who Live Together For Long Periods Of Time, But Don't Get Engaged or Married?
My friend and I were having this decision over dinner. I'm about to be engaged and getting married in Summer 2010. I do not live with my boyfriend. I'm not a very religious or even conservative person. But, my Fi and I both believe you shouldn't live with someone, until you are engaged or married. I told this to my friend and she agreed.
We continued to talk about many, many couples and friends that we know who live with their boyfriends, but do not have an immediate plans for marriage/engagement. A few friends are starting to wonder, "Why hasn't he proposed?" I'm wondering the same thing for them too. Moving in together, combinding assets and arranging the financial situations tends to be the most difficult aspect of getting married. They have already done that, but just aren't taking the trip down the aisle.
My friend and I both think it's rather foolish. Does anyone else agree? Why do couples move in together, but don't pursue wedding plans? What is the hold up? What's the issue?
2008-11-12T21:50:46Z
These are individuals that have no issues with the idea of marriage. So, it's not like they don't believe in it, most do.
I also have nothing against engaged couples living together prior to their wedding. I plan to do that.
Anonymous2008-11-12T22:02:53Z
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I've lived with my boyfriend without being engaged or married for about three years. When we first decided to move in together we weren't ready to be married, I was still in school and wanted to be independently financially stable before we got married, it was a stipulation I always made for myself. When I was getting ready to graduate with my Bachelor's degree I found out I was pregnant with my son which changed everything. Instead of saving for a ring or a wedding, we saved for our son. It became the most important thing. Recently we decided that we would start talk about getting married again.
I guess the reasons that you stated above "combining assets and arranging the financial situations tends to be the most difficult aspect of getting married." We've all ready done this and done it successfully. Further to the point, we've been together for five years, we are committed to each other and love each other in the forever kind of way. Neither of us are going anywhere and we trust that about each other. Getting married is in the cards for us eventually, but we don't need a piece of paper to prove that we love each other and are going to be together forever. You just need trust for that.
My fiance proposed to me the day we moved in together. It was a surprise that it was that day, but when we had decided to move in together (when I was finished me bachelors degree) we both knew we want to get engaged and then married within the next few years. So now we live together and are engaged, and will be getting married in a year.
When my sister moved in with her girlfriend they never really talked about getting married. They wanted to be a happy co-habitating couple, and they wanted to be together forever. But to them getting married wasn't a requirement for that type of happiness. And I kind of agree with them. Living together as a couple without being married isn't a bad thing. It's a learning thing, and some people like to grow together as a couple while living together.
Once my sister and her girlfriend decided to get married they were engaged (giant rocks on fingers) and had the ceremony within eight months of deciding. I don't think there is a wrong or right order, as long as everyone is happy with the situation and it's a healthy relationship.
If both parties want to get married it will happen (eventually), but if women are moving in with a guy and she assumes it's leading up to engagement, and he doesn't want to get married for 5 or 10 years (or ever) it's not the moving in together that "ruins" the relationship/future marriage. It's the lack of communication and common ground the couple shares.
A guy who is already getting all the benefits of being married is not probably going to push the issue of marriage. A woman has a lot more to lose and marriage helps to protect the status and inheritance of her children. A woman will often not press that issue as she gets more involved in the relationship because she knows that men are visually oriented and another younger model is always around the corner. I think that a woman who wants to have children and will be out of the work force for even short periods of time is a fool to forgo that security that a marriage license affords. To each his own.
I dont want to be one of those girls that spends her entire life waiting and hoping and dreaming of her wedding day, to only be disappointed at the little things that go wrong on that day. To me its really not that important. I'm happy living with my boyfriend, and just being with him. I dont feel the need at this point in my life to jump up and get a certificate stating that I love the guy I'm with.
Personally, I wouldnt want to wait till marriage or going as far as getting engaged before living together. You learn a lot about a person living with them, things you may have not known, and wanted to know, before getting married.
I personally could not commit to spending the rest of my life with somebody until I have lived with them for a couple years. I want to know before I marry him if he has habits that I can not live with. I also want to know if he is going to be good to me. There are many things you do not learn about a person until you live with them. I do not want to marry a man and then find out that I can't live with him and end up divorced.