Kids expecting too much for Christmas?

My bf and I each have 2 kids and money is really tight this year for gifts. I've always kept it pretty simple for my kids gift-wise. The problem is my bf's oldest. She decided that she wants a $350 cell phone a few months ago and harped on him about it ever since. We explained to her it's not an option (we've got 3 other kids to buy for and he's been out of work for 4 months). We did get her a less expensive phone which will be added to an existing plan. Her mother apparently told her about the phone (that's a whole other story) and his daughter got pretty upset and asked her dad why he didn't even try to get her the one she wanted.

She's acting completely ungrateful about this, which is making both of us pretty upset. I told him I think we should give her the phone and let the rest of the family know that if it's that important to her, she can save her gift receipts and return all of her other presents to trade in for the expensive phone. I also told him that I think we should take all the kids to volunteer at a local soup kitchen or homeless shelter so that they can see that we're lucky to still have what's important - family, a place to live, food on the table... My bf says he doesn't want to give her ANY phone at this point.

I know that his kids are used to having more than what they'll be getting this year, but our other 3 kids accept this and will be happy regardless. How would you handle this? She's a great kid, but it really hurts me to see how ungrateful she's acting and how much it hurts her dad.

2008-12-21T09:20:05Z

She's 15 (nearly 16). The other kids are 7, 11 and 13. I think most of her attitude is coming from her mother, who acts like a spoiled kid herself.

2008-12-21T09:25:20Z

And I think the expensive phone is more of a status thing than a necessity. My 13 yr old would be happy with ANY phone, but he neither needs it nor is responsible enough to have one. The daughter has had phones that have been broken or lost, which is why she hasn't had one for nearly a year. Irregardless, my gift budget is nowhere near $350 for any one kid this year!

littleJaina2008-12-21T10:36:35Z

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I hate to be "mean" to kids at Christmas. I have to admit that I spoil my child (in many ways) practically rotten! He's getting far more than he needs for his birthday & Christmas this year. Even so, I don't think that if you add up ALL what I'm giving him (for birthday & Christmas) it comes to anything near $350. I've even gone a little wild this year because I actually managed the miracle of all miracles in this economy - a new, higher paying, job.

Still, in this particular situation, this child needs to be taught an object lesson. You and your husband have to nip this in the bud before it gets any worse. Soon she's going to need to be getting a job and learning how to budget - and allowing her to get $350 by whining is just going to make matters worse.

Here is my suggestion - no phone period! You husband is right. Her behavior right now warrants serious consequences. If you cannot cancel adding the new phone to the plan, then give that phone to the 13-year-old. She may not be QUITE ready for it, but she'll appreciate it far more than the older girl, and it will really teach the older girl a lesson about gratitude and responsibility. It will also teach her mother a lesson about interference. Guess who the girl will be whining to next about a phone!

Max Y2008-12-22T06:19:14Z

I say get her a phone that looks cool, but much less expensive. Shes probably acting out because that's the same personality as her mom when her mom isn't really around. keep the budget the same for each child, but if you have extra in the end you can add it to another kids budget. Or, you could take all the gifts back and save up for a vacation for spring break of something. That's what I got last year and it was much more fun then any other gift I would have gotten.

*lil M*2008-12-21T17:07:37Z

She's ungreatfull because people keep giving into her. You need to stop and treat her like all the other kids you have. how old is she anyways? she sounds young by the way she is throwing a fit so in that case she doesnt need a phone anyways! Why dont you explane to her that if u get her a phone that u will have to buy all the kids a phone and you cant afford that. you are her parents you have to be stern with her! if she still really wants the phone, then u can buy it for her but let her know that it was so expensive that she is getting NOTHING else at all for christmas, and while the other kids are opening all their gifts she will only have a little cell phone.

danakay912008-12-21T16:55:37Z

I can see why your hurt about this,
you have both had to struggle to get them what they got already, so she should understand this and be grateful ,
To be honest i wouldn't give her the option of getting the more expensive phone by giving her the reciepts,
she should be grateful for the thought that has gone into the presents she's got.
If she saves for the phone herself,
maybe she'll realize that money doesn't grow on tree's.
To be honest i would take the phone you have got her back and buy her something completely different.
Then she would have wished she'd hadn't been ungrateful and had the phone no matter what one it was.
If not, and you do want to get her the phone,
then why not ask her mother to pay towards it aswell ?
even though she doesn't deserve it
xx

Anonymous2008-12-21T20:33:22Z

I would give her no phone at all, or a dirt cheap one - after all, you can't afford the expensive one (and I wouldn't spend that much money on a status symbol for a kid regardless of if I could afford it) and she doesn't want the cheaper one. So call her bluff. Put the money you would have spent on the other phone in a savings account for her for her college fund, and be sure she can't get at it to spend on other junk until then. She can have it when she needs it.

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