not trying to be baiting here, but seriously, every person on the planet had the potential to be aborted. legal or not. and for that same old song and dance about being a grateful adoptee is very frustrating.
it just amazes me that anyone could make such a comment to ANYONE. it seems really out of line, no matter who you are
2008-12-25T21:55:29Z
EMOJA....i am asking if NON adoptees are glad they were not aborted. many many adoptees are told they should be grateful they werent. it just amazes me that anyone would say this to another. no matter what their family unit consists of. i dont see how it is acceptable for us to have to endure such a silly question when bio children are never asked this. does that clear up the question for you? sorry if i was vague and you didnt understand
Robin2008-12-25T21:49:03Z
Favorite Answer
What I am MOST grateful for is that the entire time I grew up, NO ONE EVER asked me such a stupid question! Probably because abortion wasn't legal until about 15 years after I was conceived. So it wasn't a matter of "you could have been aborted".
And yes, you're absolutely right. While abortion was illegal, very expensive & very dangerous, it was still available. But I guess because it wasn't an easily available option, no one thought to ask me this constantly as I grew up. So hearing this question now seems ridiculous.
Besides, as it turned out, my 1st mom was hoping for a girl when she was pregnant with me, happy when I was born and had no intention of giving me up! But as many of you know, she was a separated, working poor mom raising me on a waitress' wages - DSS decided I'd be better off with 2 (alcoholic-abusive) married parents.
Do I feel grateful for not being aborted? A more appropriate question would be am I grateful for being adopted? I could have been raised by a divorced mother who loved me but had little money. I was raised by parents who were somewhat better off financially (though by no means well off), a dad who loved me & a mom who resented the heck out of me - both who drank in excess & were abusive. Hmmm.
How can I EVER know what might have been? Or who I might have been? Or how I or my life would have turned out. It's a fruitless, mind wasting exercise to contemplate.
I understand the question. I would never expect ANYONE to be "thankful" for not being aborted. I don't think it's a fair question to ask adoptees. But, as it is asked on occasion, I think it's fair enough to ask us, and I'll answer with my truth, my feelings.
I am pretty much thankful for my life (at least most of the time LOL) I can't imagine being "thankful" For not being aborted, because an abortion was the LAST thing my mom would have wanted. She was married for 3 years, had a son, and desperately wanted a daughter. She'd just gone through the heartbreak of a miscarriage as well. So, yeah. She'd have risked her own life to carry me to term, not vice versa. She's always treated me like I was the answer to all her prayers.
I guess I can be thankful I wasn't a miscarriage. Really. Not only my mom's history, but I also was born with a pretty rare genetic condition. I remember literally going pale the first time I read on the internet that 98% of babies (always female) with my particular genetic condition are miscarried. So.. that kind of makes me think there might be some divine or providential "special purpose" for my life, or however you want to say it. Though I have yet to find it LOL..
But on the other hand, the genetic condition I have comes with alot of unpleasant "side effects" including infertility, and all kinds of other things that go even further, much further, to take away the last little bit of self-esteem that I never had. So.. at times my thankfulness for my life is limited. It's not so much that I'd have preferred to have been miscarried/aborted/never born... but I SURE wish i'd been born "normal" LOL... I imagine what I SHOULD look like without my particular genetic condition. (for example, I should be taller, which would in turn possibly give me more of a figure like my pencil of a brother, or even like my mom, who was gorgeous when she was young. I likely wouldn't have had such a struggle with my weight, the bane of my existence.)
So how "thankful" I am for life, depends on my mood. I know I'm definitely thankful for the parents I have had.
Although my mom had a daughter she died from complications. She went on to have 2 boys. There was a child either before or after me but I doubt I will ever get a confirmation as to which side of me that was.
I assume it was after me since mom divorced dad when I started school. He stayed for a long time after the divorce, she didn't have the heart or guts to throw him out. That transferred even more of his attention from her to me.
Had my mother decided to divorce sooner, that could have been me. Then I would not have been the family embarrassment who went on to get pregnant at 16 and be the first one to give a child up for adoption.
Nor the woman who went on to have 2 more children unmarried almost 20 years later. Who btw have more promising careers ahead of them than their older cousins.
Had I been that illegal but very possible abortion, my surrendered daughter would not have gone on to have 2 children and take on 3 more full time through marriage, who desperately need a mother figure.
Twenty years ago I would have said my being aborted would have been better. Today I am grateful that I survived, lived, grew, procreated, and reunited with my own daughter.
I'm proud of my kids, all of them, and there is no better feeling on earth. So yeah, I'm grateful to not have been aborted. It was a possibility.
I was raised by my mom, who was a single mom. My father was a dead beat dad, who I never met. I never really wondered about who he was or felt I was missing anything while growing up. I have always felt that family is emotional, not genetic, and I never considered him family or cared to meet him or try to find him. I was very grateful my mother raised me - she was incredible.
Also, yes she could have had an abortion. I was born following Roe vs. Wade and she was in the middle of a divorce (from my and my brother's father) and already had a small child. Her doctor actually suggested having an abortion, as being a single mother would be too difficult with another child. But my mom told me once, 'I wanted another child, just not my husband anymore. So I got rid of him and had you.'
However - Every person is different, and so are every parents. If someone is adopted and feels they are missing something that is TOTALLY valid and needs to be respected by the adoptive parents. My mother always offered to try and find my dad if I wanted, I just never cared.
Well, my Mom and Dad wanted me very much (they weren't infertile, my mom just knew she wanted children and my Dad knew he wanted one too). So being grateful I was not aborted doesn't really work for me because my coming into being was very planned out.
That being said I am really grateful how awesome my Mom, Dad, and family are. More so now that I've gotten to know my boyfriend's mom. My boyfriend's mom has been divorced 3-4 times (can't remember) and she finally found a guy who doesn't treat her like crap so now she is ignoring her family and two kids. Last time we visited her, her apartment looked like it hadn't been cleaned in months, there was no food, and dirty laundry was piled everywhere. I went to get a shower only to find there were absolutely no clean towels.
So yes, I'm very happy. More so now that I'm old enough to understand not all kids have it as well (or even nearly as well) as I do.