Very long story short…My husband received a text from a very upset female (her boyfriend broke up w/ her and was cheating I think???) asking him to come over. He went to her house for 45 minutes or so and came home. Here is where it is not cool. I had NO IDEA he was friends w/ her. She hangs out in the same circle as his male friends, a friend of a friend of a family type of thing. I know they have hung out in a large group setting under a friend of friend setting. Anyway, I saw his phone light up w/ a message and I saw it. It felt weird to me for some reason. I called it later that night and it was the female (don’t remember her name) she said she was really upset and asked him to come over so he did. She said they are ONLY friends and not having an affair. She continued to point out that she was broken hearted so wanted to talk to someone and would NEBR mess around w/ anyone’s husband since it just happened to her. I did not know about this friendship and it almost makes it feel dirty. He did not tell me he went there; he even lied about who he was visiting. His excuse was that he thought I would be ad if he went. Duh…..I do not know this person. Why wouldn’t I be mad if you left the house to hand out w. / some random crying chock instead of being home w/ your kids? Your family comes first no matter what. OK men….what so the deal? Why lie about it? Most importantly, I pointed out to him that he would be mad if UI dud the same thing. He admitted that he would. WTF is going on. Just to pint out BTW, he is not on lock down. He can go out anytime he wants if it is someone I know or someone he works with.
Juana2008-12-26T12:44:09Z
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Absolutely, he did a foolish thing (to put it mildly) because he lied to you AND he went to comfort a woman who allegedly was in emotional distress. That means she is vulnerable and this is adding fire to any flame there might be.
She did a foolish thing in calling a married man to help her at a time like this, and she had no business whatsoever doing such a thing.
They both need to be told very calmly but very firmly that this is unacceptable behavior and shall not happen even once again. If either of them get defensive about this, I would definitely wonder what else they are not telling you. She should understand that she overstepped boundaries by calling on a married man, and he should understand that he did so as well by going over there.
On the flipside, I have to agree with another poster. They may have concocted this scenario of her being "heartbroken" and nothing happened. It's possible, but it's also possible that they are both lying. Keep your eyes open. And keep yourself protected, because this raises more problems than just (even though it's not JUST) a broken heart and family potentially, but also life-threatening diseases if he did something and hid it from you.
Both of them seriously need to be slapped in the proverbial face. Very very wrong of them. I would personally be livid.
Why would the woman even mention that there is no affair unless you asked that specific question? Obviously someone is lying. Upset people don't just come up with an answer like that unless they are guilty. Why is this woman only hanging out with men? If she has been cheated on wouldn't she confide more in female friends? The fact that your husband ran to her rescue says a lot. Why didn't he invite you along for support to this poor abused and mistreated female friend of his? It is very clear there was something he didn't want you to see or know about. Also the fact that he didn't tell you to begin with speaks volumes. Why would he think that you would be mad if he went to a woman's house and did not invite you along? I would really do some looking into this situation. Here is an easy way. You may want your best friend with you while you do it. Invite this woman over for dinner and do not tell your husband. Wait until he gets home to find out. Then watch how he acts around her (reason you need a friend with you). Body language can say a lot. If your husband acts different around her than he does around other women you both associate with, you will then know what is up. Watch for eye contact and such too. Good luck!
You've talked this over with your husband and he says that he is just consoling a friend for 45 minutes, you have to take that for a fact for now. You have even talked to the woman in question and she reiterated that nothing is going on other than her friend (your husband) is helping her coping with her present problem. Okay, for now you have to assume that nothing happened other a friend helping another friend. Ask your husband what kind of problem this woman has and state that you might be able to help her also. Bring it out in the open and if your husband refuses, ask why not. If he doesn't have a good answer then you can suspect wrong doing. If that happens I feel you're going to be asking more questions here.
I know you are looking for an answer from married men. But I just felt like putting in my 2 cents (for what its worth lol) I am recently divorced, was married for almost 20 yrs. My ex did alot of that same thing. Being sneaky and lying as to where he was going or had been, while I was home with our 2 kids. If there is NO reason to lie or sneak around, then you just don't do it. Period. You're right, and you should go with your first instincts here. If he has to lie about who he was "hanging out" with, theres gotta be a reason. Even if they were "just friends", theres SOME reason he had to lie about it. My guess is that shes probably a good looking woman and he thought you'd be jelous... with damn good reason! If I were you I would try and see what she looks like.. and try to keep and eye on his phone and his emails... take it from experience, its not hard to catch them, but its hard to make the decision about what to do about it once you find out! Good luck :-)
You should know all of your husbands friends. If not in person then by name. He shouldnt keep that from you. I dont know alot of my husbands friends personally,only by name. I had a situation similiar several years ago. I was pregnant and my husbands brothers girlfriend would call all the time for my husband to come talk to her cause his brother was running around on her. Well any way I made myself perfectly clear one night about it.He hasnt done anything like that since. Plus he would also think its wrong to hang out with someone of the opposite sex without me being there. So maybe you can tell him that you dont approve. If he usually has freedom, then he will understand. If he gets defensive, I would dig deeper about it. Good luck.