I've met a few fathers over the years who have serious sadness about losing a child to adoption, but usually it's mothers who read and post on sites such as this. Wondering why that is?
Anonymous
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This is a good question. I suspect they are less vocal about adoption loss due to social stereotypes about fathers in general, whether it is the emotionally distant workaholic, the deadbeat dad, or the philanderer who fathers children with numerous women. We hear a lot about them because it's easy to bash them, just like it's easy to bash natural mothers.
Sadly I'm sure there are more than a few who fit kitta's description, too.
But I'm inclined to believe that the loss of your flesh and blood leaves a permanent scar on your soul. Mother's may feel it more profoundly due to the in-utero bonding process and maternal hormones, but I think fathers can be affected, as well.
Although they aren't as outspoken about the loss, I have noticed a trend of father's having an easier time with reunion. This is just my observation from reading blogs and forums, but it does seem that at least the initial reunion is a little easier for the father to process. Could this be due to fathers lacking the primal mother-child bond...does that become a potentially devastating emotional Mt. Everest for many mothers? Speculating here, just my own observations.
On a similar note, there are often comments about male adoptees searching and reuniting less frequently than female adoptees. I also question this stereotype because among the mothers I know who are reunited, the adoptees are evenly split between male and female. If women searched and reunited in greater numbers I would expect to know mostly mothers and daughters...that is not the case.
monkeykitty83
I think it's a combination of factors.
Some fathers are never informed there was a child conceived in the first place. It's entirely possible for a man to father a child without realizing he got his partner pregnant, but pretty hard for a woman to be pregnant and give birth without being aware of it. There are fathers out there who don't know they had children who were given for adoption, whereas it's hard to imagine many circumstances where a woman would have no idea in the same way that she birthed a child.
The father doesn't share the experience of carrying the child in his body. While some fathers make an effort to connect to their baby pre-birth (talking or singing to the mom's belly, using his hands to feel the baby kick, going along to ultrasound appointments, etc.,) he can avoid that experience, whereas a pregnant woman really can't ignore the fact she's carrying a baby. The mother also has hormonal changes that the father doesn't. Because of that, she may feel a greater bond to her baby pre-birth, even if the bond would have been equal and he would have been a good father if they had parented.
Also, men just seem less likely to talk about their lives on the internet. While on sites discussing their interests it seems about equal, women vastly outnumber men on sites related to family relationships or feelings. Even sites devoted to parenting by those who haven't lost a child are mainly populated by women. I don't think that means that men care less... just that expressing emotions is more accepted by society for women than for men.
wagstaff
I want I were allowed to charm to close all of my relations - good from the start - and no secrets and techniques and lies were ever held. it would want to have made it more beneficial widely used - truly than spending such an excellent number of hours having a pipe dream about what would were. i imagine i might want to have acted weirdly also if i might want to all of surprising had contact in my kids years - after no longer something - those are heavy years for all of us - yet frequently even worse for an adoptee. Questions are so frequently requested in this time - and once you've an open courting with the first relations (from the start) - solutions would nicely be received then and their - no speculations - only immediately from the 'horses' mouth - to be able to speak. if you're open and common - you'll sometime help your little ones act interior of a similar way. yet another plus for openness - is that it would nicely be more beneficial healing for the first mum and dad - truly than only shoving away those thoughts - and under no circumstances coping with the inevitable grief. My first mom is a mess - emotionally - as she became compelled to grant me away - then informed to under no circumstances talk about it - for 38 years. which will do in all of us's head!! particular - it would nicely be not elementary to stay with (open adoption) for both instruments of oldsters - i have examine many blogs of mums in open adoptions - and it truly isn't any elementary feat - yet - an excellent type of the blogs I examine are from first moms that were no longer supported of their pregnancies - and many coercive techniques - even subtle ones - were used to acquire the toddler for adoption from the adoption 'professionals'. If adoption is done brazenly and with certainly - and ethically - then it may all artwork more beneficial positive for all in contact - quite the newborn.
MamaKate
The other answers are right about the reasons why there aren't any men here, but there are a few First Fathers who post here. "Birthdad in Hell" and "Irish" are the two more regular posters who jump to mind. My husband is a First Father and he has an account here too, he posts under "Ace". He doesn't post much - I'm usually on here so he can't! He and I discuss lots of these questions and answers and he gives me his POV. Adoption is a very painful subject for him.
caro
I am a mother who . by force from my elder sister, had to have my daughter adopted at eight days old, which created a lot of grief. I have regretted it ever since (1972)
Last April my younger grandaughter found me via genesreunited...and we met and stayed with my daughter and her family in may.
They belong to a certain religious sect and because I cannot feel comfortable being part of that same religion...she has stopped all correspondence. Adoption is a very sad, cutting experience, for either or both natural parents.