When a 1st mom wants no contact, what about siblings who do?

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A mother has every right to refuse contact on her own behalf, but not on behalf of another adult, especially ones with a sibling relationship. Adults have the right to contact and association with other adults as they see fit. A person only has a right to dictate who they themselves will see, but not who another adult will.

In situations like these, the human rights of the siblings to free association trump the wishes and desires of the mother-- not because the siblings are more important than the mother, but because rights trump wants, regardless of who is doing the wanting.

However, I hope the siblings would respect their mother's feelings by not rubbing her face in it, and not sharing more than their mom is emotionally prepared to hear. There is no reason the siblings can't be discreet about how they exercise those rights of association. The mother shouldn't have to be involved in an unwanted reunion, but the siblings can reunite without her input, and shouldn't drag her into it unless she chooses to be part of it....Show more

Adult siblings have a right to make their own choices about who they want to associate with, and that includes siblings separated by adoption.
That's the one of the few times I would say a first mother is being selfish if she refuses to allow any contact or uses guilt to make them show their loyalty to her by not seeing a sibling they really desire to have contact with. Especially when they're adults, to make the Choice for them is still treating them as children.

The relationship between siblings is different from parents and their children. My kids have siblings and that's the focus for me mainly with any contact and visits. I ask everytime "Are you bringing the kids. It would be great to see them..." I make an effort to take photo's of them playing together and make it a fun time for them to have some good memories of their siblings. I feel they had no say in it at all, so why should they be punished for it. They might hate us (the adoptive parents) in years to come and for all I know hate us for them being seperated, but you know not everything is about either of the parents adoptive or biological....Show more

Of all the people who answered, I answer as a sibling seperated from another sibling when I was 3. Yes, adult children have the right to a relationship. And the mother may not want a relationship with the now adult child, but that is no excuse for not answering a few questions on the mothers part. Answering a few questions and having a relationship are different. Take the time to read this and you will understand: My two brothers fed me and cared for me when I was born. They remember taking pop bottles and turning them in for money to buy me milk. My birth mom had 3 children by the time she was 16. I have reunited with her and thanked her for placing us for adoption. But we have no continuing relationship. I have yet to meet my real father. I know he went to prison for theft so I am told. But my brothers remember going into foster care before we were adopted (seperated). We have a bond from birth that has no boundaries. They cared for me when no one else would. My older brother was my mom's favorite and my other brother was my grandmothers favorite. Had it not been for the love of my brothers, I doubt I would of survived. What 6 year old thinks to feed his sister? Let alone finding a way and means to do it. My brothers and I have trouble being around each other because of the memories it brings back. We deeply love each other, but can only bear dealing with the memories of the situation occasionally. They are in the past until we are all together about once every other year. Then they become so real all over again that after only a few days we have to part in order to compose ourselves again and get back into reality....Show more

I think siblings should be allowed to contact each other. My son's situation is a little different. He has contact with his first mom and his full blooded sister that she chose to parent.

However, my son has 8 half siblings through his first father by several different women. My son's first mom is not ready for all these people to know she gave him up for adoption, so out of respect for her, we have not made any contact with his half siblings or their mothers. My son is only 2 so it's not an issue right now. I know when he get's older, he is going to want to know all of his siblings. I hope his first mom will give us her blessing to make contact with them. Some of his siblings are very close to being adults and I think it's fair for them to know that they have a half brother out there that they may want to get to know.

Through my research and reading, I have heard that sometimes the sibling relationship is even more vital and important to adoptees than the first parent relationship. So to answer your question, I absolutely think siblings should be allowed to have a relationship....Show more

I feel strongly about this one because I help people search and reunite. If the first mother says that she does not want contact, then I believe that her raised children have the right to know that their long lost sibling is interested in a relationship.

They can then mutually negotiate if and what kind of relationship they will have.

Personally, I have difficulty with mothers who refuse to at least meet their adopted out child. If you bring a child into the world; I think you have a moral obligation to at least meet once to answer questions. If then the 1st mom wants no further contact that is her right but I do not believe it is fair for her to deny all of her children the opportunity to make their own decisions....Show more