I'm really nervous.
I caught my hubby gambling. He won't admit to it. He gambled while his family was waiting for him. When confronted, he totally denied it. It feels like I was kicked in the gut. To me, it feels like cheating because he's so good at lying. I know this hasn't been the first time.
Kitty Vomit
Favorite Answer
does he have a gambling problem? just curious - because if not, I cant understand why you are on his back about a simple lie - this is trivial and minor - nothing to worry about - dont jump to conclusions
David L
(We have a family member that was a gambling addict. He's now recovered - unless he's placed where he has easy access - then he'd fall right back in place.)
The first thing you need to do is look through your back statements and credit cards. If this is truly the only time he's done this, then perhaps it's not that big of a deal (although lying is hard to excuse). But - if you see any signs of money missing, or balances charged up on credit cards, etc. Then you have a REAL problem - this is an addiction.
Like any other addiction, he needs to go to counseling. There are some medications than can help - sometimes. If you live where gambling is legal (or where casinos are nearby such as a reservation), then you may need to seriously consider moving. This is an addiction just like smoking, being an alcoholic, or any other nasty addiction.
Help is available. If you're positive that he was gambling, and you're positive he's lying, then give him an ultimatum - show him the evidence you have (so denying it isn't possible), and demand he tell you the truth, or you're leaving. And you have to mean it. Be willing to follow through. Once he starts talking (and he probably will, if you have hard evidence on the table in front of him), then demand that:
a) he seek immediate counseling (go with him to the first few sessions to make sure he does).
b) Have him read this: http://www.gamblersanonymous.org/qna.html
c) Be willing to take additional advice and referrals from your counselor - possibly your priest/rabbi/clergy, if you attend church
d) Consider talking to an attorney (without him) regarding how you can protect your assets from any follow-on gambling.
I wish you the very best of luck.
Anonymous
You'd have to be absolutely positive where this money is going. Gambling is an addiction and can cost everything in the end. You definately have a choice here... ask him directly and watch him lie again, have an intervention and let him know you know he is gambling and he needs to stop. OR... wait for him to hit rock bottom and yes, lose the house or more. I wish you luck... it's a bad situation.
Collette L
A liar is a liar. they will say whatever it takes to get out of a sticky situation.
You have to decide if living with a liar works for you in the relationship.
I hate being lied to, it's so easy to read people and know when they are not being honest.
He has problems and he is denying them so they are probably deeper than you think. Is this what you want in life? Only you can decide that.
Nothing is easy.
Anonymous
My sister eventually left her husband due to his gambling - he pissed away $30k.
And yes, generally lying about it worse than doing it.
How much did he lose?
If its a small amount maybe he's just embarrassed by liking the "vice".
If it;s more than you can afford, you need to reign him in - even if its not at an addiction stage treat it like one to stomp it out. (Explain this approach to him - treat it like a full-blown addiction to prevent it from becoming one.)
If he hasn't lost more than you can afford, he has to stop lying about, tell you everything about it now and for now on and all the money he spends on it has to come from his allowance.