My husband got laid off I'm so frustrated with him?

My husband went to work this morning. Where he gets the heart breaking news that he is being laid off. So he calls me and TELLS me we're moving where we're moving and how we're doing it. He decided all of this before I even knew that he was laid off. He didnt have a job lined up and he just wants our two babies him and I to move in with his dad and his wife.
It's something that I'm willing to do. I'm just so angered that he made a huge decision before even telling me there was a problem.
I even understand that maybe he did it because he believes it's his job to take care of the family and this is wha he came up with to make sure we still have a roof over our head a month to two months from now. How can I make him understand that it's my life too. I need to be involved in a decision like this?
Also his stress coping is stressing me out more then the actual lay off. I made him call a few places and make sure before pickup and move that he actually has a job lined up. I also wanted him to take the night and meditate on it talk to god talk to me map things out on paper. He's very impulsive and doesn't always think about the distant future. He does and then decides that it wasn't he right thing. So I was just making him take the time and think. Let him get some time to himself. instead he goes out and drinks. Then he gets high. He gets high in the bathroom in our house with OUR babies! Thn tried to lie about it. Right now I'm just so lost and can't get my husband to involve me in anything. How can I get him to understand that this is the time we need eachother the most?

2009-05-04T22:24:25Z

Oh and he expects us to move in 4 days

2009-05-04T22:25:57Z

I would at least like to give my land lord thirty days notice and a two weeks notice at the church I'm working at. I got 4 days.

2009-05-04T22:27:54Z

I don't mind where we're moving. Or even anything like that it's the matter he made the decision. His dad knew, my sister knew before I knew what was happening.

2009-05-04T22:34:03Z

Mike thanks for being the first nice response

2009-05-04T22:35:00Z

I told him everything and he listened but he won't hear what I'm saying. Is there a way I can present it that he'll understand?

2009-05-04T22:36:44Z

Wow ricky I agree with the drug test but you're stirring the pot of anger to my a little on the last sentence you wrote.

2009-05-04T22:45:15Z

My husband made enough money for me to not have to work. I do have the babies to look after and the house to keep not some simple stuff just keeping the clutter. I tie all the ends. I wash the window he gets three meals a day. I only have a part time job that ensured that we got things we wanted I was saving up for his harley and a down payment to own a house. When he told me he got laid off I said I'll go get another job you can get unemployment and take care of the babies while looking for another job. He said no I already called my dad we're moving there I'll find a job there. You can have mydads wife watch the kids when you get a job

2009-05-04T22:47:54Z

TO GET THINGS CLEARED UP A LITTLE. JUST BECAUSE I'M IRRITATED WITH THE SITUATION DOESN'T MEAN I'M A DIFFICULT LAZY NOT WILLING TO DO NOTHING NAGGING *****

2009-05-04T23:04:59Z

Mike. it was a completely new thing. He screwed up once on the job a few weeks ago. He's xrays pipeline and made really bad film. His job was on the line he was suspended for a week but his boss told him he was gonna keep his job. Then today happened.

2009-05-04T23:07:18Z

Patrick I tried to make him wait. Your right his mind is made up. I don't think we should take a break from eachother right now tho. I'm not sure we would make it through if we did.

2009-05-04T23:21:03Z

Sorry patrick I miss understood you. No your right maybe that'll make a huge difference start on a partially clean slate when we've had time to get out of the shock of things

2009-05-04T23:40:55Z

I spelled misunderstood wrong. Patrick its a good thing you work with unemployed people you really helped me. I was starting to regret even asking when I got my first two answers. Almost felt like I never even contributed to our lives with a couple of other answers

2009-05-04T23:49:25Z

Toy I gave you a thumbs up cuz that's along the lines of what I was thinking.

2009-05-04T23:55:35Z

Oh yeah Pure Star I wanted to make known that you sound very intelligent and If your not already very successful you'll go far if you say things in a manner that a person would want to hear it so they don't just blow you off as an insult.

2009-05-05T00:21:28Z

soldiers wife I appreciate you gave me an optimistic boost thankyou. I did tell my husband i appreciated him but focused more on the other. he tries i'm thankful for it. maybe i don't tell him that enough

Patrick B2009-05-04T22:56:50Z

Favorite Answer

All I would do is to try and get him to wait before making a decision. I counsel people who have been laid-off and most people should not make big decisions right away. If he placed a lot of his self-worth into his job, then he is now scrambling to try and find some way to accomplish something so he can feel better. Try and get him to take some time out and make some better decisions later.

But the fact of the matter is that he is impulsive. If you have not found a way to deal with his impulsiveness since knowing him, then there may not be much you can do to change his mind- other than try and get him to focus on something else, or at least come up with alternative plans and then pick one of them.

Maybe you need a time out from each other too, if talking is getting you nowhere then stop trying to talk. Don't do the silent treatment, but only talk when he approaches you. That way he is ready to talk.

I am sorry you are having a rough time. Good Luck and God Bless

P.S. Not a break, like getting away, but a break in the conversation...just some time to stop beating a dead horse for a little bit. Maybe for a few hours, maybe longer, maybe shorter. Sometimes we get fixated on details that do not matter when the conversation seems to be going nowhere. Take some time and let your, and his, thoughts process.

P.S.S. Glad we are on the same page now, sometimes typing does not get thoughts across the best. Like I said in the beginning, I work with unemployed people and their families to help them. I have done it for some time now and there is one fact and truth I have learned, it is not easy for all involved, not for him and not for you. Don't dispair, things will get better- no matter what paths you take.

Anonymous2009-05-05T05:52:06Z

Indeed, he seems immature. Such actions cannot be taken without taking some time to think, and also to at least discuss them with other involved people (with you, in this case).

Also, your request that he thinks for a while about the entire situation was completely reasonable. That he did not do it, but got drunk instead, shows immaturity beyond any hope for recovery in the near future.

Or in other words, his current level of maturity is so much behind the level that is needed for a husband and a father of a family that it will at the very best take a number of years to get there.

As for you, I would advise that you should complete your education if you haven't, and add whatever education you can, so if **** happens, you can get a job on your own. If things work out in the end, okay, but if not, you really need to be prepared.

You can only try to be reasonable with him, discuss things calmly and without drama. If he doesn't want to listen to that... I'm afraid there's not much more than you can do to save the marriage.

?2009-05-05T05:50:17Z

If I were you I'd start looking for a job. Its hard being a man (if you are a real one) with your whole family depending on you. Men like that don't want to go to their wives for financial advice. He may feel like he is less of a man if he cannot provide. If I was in your situation I would look for a job (although he may not like it) so that I could take some of the burden off of him. Also men don't think like us. Most of the ones that I know thinks the "manly" thing to do is to keep things bottled in. Just tell him...say honey we are in this together. We will get through this but you have to open up to me so that I can give you some guidance on these issues. You cannot always do it alone, just lean on me sometimes and things may not be so stressful. I often have to remind my husband that we are 1 and I am suppose to be the rock whenever he falls. Don't let him make all of the decisions by himself. While disagreeing with him make it seem like you are merely making a suggestion and see if he likes any of your ideas Sorry you are in that situation. I hope things lighten up for your family.

Sorry just now reading all the additional stuff. Take the money that you saved and put it toward yells finances. You definitely should not just move out without informing your landlord your credit could get ruined.

Betty M2009-05-05T06:11:07Z

Okay what your husband did behind your back is totally wrong, but what is done is done.

You just can't up and move and not give your landlord a 30 day notice. You are asking for a whole lot of trouble you don't want. A friend of mine did that and the landlord got pretty angry about it. They turned this problem over to a collection agency. It took 2 years for the collection agency to track them down, but when they did, they were charged with a month's rent for not giving a 30 days notice and a bunch of other fees for skipping out on the rent. Plus they ruined their credit in the process.

First you have to talk to your landlord and explain the situation and ask them if they will let you out of your rental agreement without a 30 days notice. If they say yes, then get it in writing for your protection. Then tell your husband it's never looks good on your job history to just quit your job without giving a 2 week notice.

If the landlord will let you out of your rental agreement, tell your husband that you are willing to move out in 2 weeks and you expect him not to make matters worse for the two of you by drinking and using drugs and since he's not working, you expect him to do his share of taking care of the children and do half of packing up all your things and cleaning your place up before you move.

Remember, you are not his child, you are his wife and equal partner and you will go along with him this time, but you are very angry about how he made all the decisions about your future without him even talking to you about it. From now on you will both make decisions that concern both of you and your children together. If he ever pulls this on you again, the end results will not be in his favor, because you are not going to put up with being treated like your opinion is not of any importance.

You don't want to be treated like this, then stand up for your self.

MRSBE2009-05-05T07:06:58Z

i give your husband his props for coming up with a idea for a roof over your head really quick.but sometimes you have to make impulse decisions when it is for someone you love and your family.he could have discussed it with you also,but he may have thought u wouldnt have agreed with him.he just wants you all to be taken care of until he can get back on his feet.tell him thank you for lookign out for oyu all.but be sure to discuss how you feel in a calm and nice manner.also come up with other ideas so that will be a temporary stay.including you getting another job and him also.explore the other job options.the economy is rough for the non rich families.so you have to take what you can get for a job.God bless and i wish you the bless.put your faith in God and pray to him,he will make a way out of no way and help you all out of the struggles you are about to go through.God has came through for me always,but i had to appreiciate the little blessings he has gave me before i got the big ones.and show him i praise him through good or bad,happy or sad!!

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