Should biological parents have the right to hide from their children?
Again in reference to some of the answers to a recent question, do you feel that it is a parents "right" to hide from the children they produce? Why or Why not?
Again in reference to some of the answers to a recent question, do you feel that it is a parents "right" to hide from the children they produce? Why or Why not?
gypsywinter
Favorite Answer
I find this a most interesting question and some of the answers as well. Though I personally have no problem with an adopted person (or a former surrendering mother) having unfettered access to their original BC.. I do believe anyone can hide from anyone, if they choose to. I also don't believe that any person, related by blood or not, legally 'owes' anything to another person, once they become adults.
By law, surrendering mothers are no longer related to the child surrendered to adoption, nor the adopted person to the nmother/nfamily. Biology/ancestry/heritage is another matter..and only the individual can decide for him/herself if they want to acknowledge their common biology, whether that be the surrendering mother or the now adult adoptee. Notice I am speaking in 'legal' terms only. The state laws tell all surrendering mothers and their surrendered children they are no longer legally 'related', hence no legal 'owing'.
I have never felt that I 'owed' my reunited adult daughter any info about anything in my life or the lives of others in my family. I have shared with her, because for me it was just the right thing to do...not because I 'owed' her. I feel the same in relation to my other adult children I born and raised. This word 'owes' really disturbs me...as I see it remarkably along the same lines of the word 'grateful' in regards to adoption. I have read many an answer where people have castigated adult adoptees for having their own feelings about their adoptions...and the person 'commenting' telling the adoptee..they 'owe' their aparents many thanks and much gratitude. Is it possible for those adult adoptees that the use of the word 'owe' in regards to their natural mother...this is a word that they might have heard in their lives told to them in their adoptive families? If not by the aparent, but by an extended afamily member, whether overtly or covertly?
I would only hope that either mother or adoptee could muster enough compassion, empathy and understanding of the other...without the demands of who 'owes' who.
We can also reverse this question...Do adult adopted people have the 'right' to hide from their natural mothers/families? Do aparents have the 'right' to hide the adoptee from the non-threatening surrendering mother...especially as an adult..i.e. when an adoption agency contacts the aparent of the adult adoptee that the nmother is trying to make contact? I am sorry, but I do get a little perturbed everytime I read about what the nmother 'owes'...personally I think she paid her dues at least 10 times over. If one of my adult raised kids told me 'you owe me'...well..I can only tell you...man..would they get a mouthful! I will willingly share any and all info about my personal life, as I see fit with any of my adult children...but someone demanding and telling me I 'owe' would only cause me to say...WTF!
The only people I feel that 'owes' the adult adoptee and the surrendering mother anything...is the Adoption Industry and the individual states with their Sealed Records laws.
Carol c
I suppose they have the right to hide from anyone of their children or other relatives. But I'm inclined to feel they have a moral obligation to at least give their child information about their genetic and medical family history. I also believe a biological parent should at least attempt to meet once to answer any questions their child may have.
Relationships however, are negotiable by all adults and whether to have one or not is a right of both the parent and the adopted out child.
?
I am an adoptive parent, and I believe everychild has a right to know who their biological parents are. I don't think it is fair to hide their identity or not tell the child at all.
monkeykitty83
I think everyone has the right to protect their identifying information, to keep their phone numbers and addresses unlisted, or to refuse contact with anyone else. This includes biological parents, but includes everyone else in the world too.
That said, I think biological parents who are considering hiding should give some SERIOUS thought to their motivations, whether it's truly necessary for safety, and what the effect will be on their children. I think they should give consideration to their children's need to know their truths, as well as to their own comfort.
Should they have the right? Yes. Should they actually do it? In most cases, I really don't think so.
SJM
Sort of. Even adoptive parents have the right to hide. If my ap's really wanted to hide from me, they could. They could change their name and ride off into the sunset if that's what they really wanted. But they don't have the right to hide ME in order to keep their lives and still end our relationship. There's a big difference between the two.
ETA: I want to be really clear that I believe the information listed on my authentic birth certificate including the names of my parents is part of my identity. As an adoptee, if my natural parents wish to hide from me, they need to alter their identifying information (change their name or whatever). They do not have the right to deprive me of the information listed on my own birth certificate. Anonymity is not a parental right, and even if it was, their rights have been terminated. As someone legally unrelated to me, how could they possibly have any right to dictate whether or not I can obtain a copy of my own birth certificate? It's a completely ridiculous idea.