I'm curious if any adoptees have been disinherited or cut off from their adoptive families. Either by being left out of the will, being left less than others, or having family heirlooms or remembrances not passed on to them because adoptive relatives wanted to keep things "in the family"
Here's a good blog post about that. It's a few years old but in speaking with another disinherited adoptee recently, it make me think of this:
I was adopted when I was 3 by a very "well off" couple! my mother always intended to make sure I was taken care of after she passed away! She made a will but never got to sign it so my father became power of attorney to everything and he didn't respect her last wishes by giving me her salon, money, land, a car and one of her houses/condo. Instead he sold everything before we could even make it to court. Also once my mom passed my dad told me I wasn't his daughter anymore and that he never wanted children to begin with....he stopped helping me with school payments and I haven't seen him since ( except in court)....he re-married 7 months after my moms death and his will states she gets whats left if he passes away before her. I was never the "daddy's girl" I was a "mommas angel" I ended up taking him to court and getting a settlement and some of my moms belongings that meant the most to me like her china, jewelery, ect..and the judge also made him finish off my payments for school! and since he remarried and I could prove that he had cheated on my mother he gave me the rights to her mausoleum plot sooo I removed his name and put mine there instead... that killed him!
Oh my gosh I don't feel so bad after reading all this. My birth father was adopted also, his family is wealthy and famous, but when he found me his stepfather said " she's not OUR problem" before he ever met me, people are so SUUUUCKKKKK. Ironically he passed away a few months later, I never met him! When my father's mother passed, he got a substantial amount of money, but no heirlooms, and I'm pretty sure the amount of money he got was much less compared to what his siblings (blood) received. His siblings are not adopted. His brother had control of the mother's money and will... I received zero, in case anyone was wondering, but my father gave me a bit of what he got, and has been helping my son with college and living expenses. I still don't get invited to weddings or graduations, from the birth family OR the adoptive family, neither does my son. The sad thing is that my adoptive mother nor my birth father seem to find anything wrong with that, even though they both get invited to everything. It's very eye-opening to see that I'm not alone. Oh just to add, my b. father's mother was a great lady. I don't think she meant for me to be completely left out of the will, either.
Yep, I got the shaft! But not by my adoptive mom. Her will stated that I was to keep the family home, but pay her other daughter (I refuse to use the word sister to describe that woman) half of the appraised value of the home.
All other assets were to be divided 50/50. But her other daughter was the executor of the will and between her and a lawyer, I somehow ended up being evicted from the house, the house sold and altogether I ended up with $5,000 and the other daughter got over $20,000
I don't know how but it was all done with a lawyer, and I couldn't afford my own lawyer, so I got scewed.
I DID end up with the family antiques. Mom gave them to me BEFORE her passing.
I was ejected from my "siblings" on my adopted father's side as soon as they knew I knew I was adopted... They stopped taking my calls, and never returned messeges.
Oh well who needs them. I have my REAL siblings now and they are much better than any forced siblings :)
ETA: I read the article after I answered. I felt everything she was saying right up til the end. Thankfully when I found my bio family, I was totally accepted by everyone and I feel like I have come home.
They may not have been the family of my childhood, but they are the family of my adulthood. My adoptive parents have both passed away, their bio kids could care less if I fell off the face of the earth, but I have my first mom, a brother and 2 sisters. They are my family now
I think these stories are absolutely horrible but Karma will get those people back.
I know somewhat how you feel even though I'm not adopted. On my dad's side of the family my siblings and I are the black sheep of the family (including my oldest aunt's youngest daughter). They never respected us or my mom because my dad didn't care about us and they knew he would take their side over ours anyday. They also knew he was abusive so they would get us in trouble for the stupidest things so they can have their favorite "show" to watch... us getting beat and humiliated. We never really got presents or invited anywhere and my grandma made it a point to make our lives a living hell. When my grandma dies I don't expect anything and I don't want anything. We are probably taken off my father's will since we disowned him but I don't mind since I now have a happy peaceful life.
My son was actually very close to his adoptive grandfather. He was the one person my son always felt like who truly loved him and took the time to look after him and raise him while his adoptive mom struggled with her addiction.
His grandfather always used to tell him how much it meant to him that he was going to carry on the family name since he was the only male grandson. To my son this was very important to him, something he was very proud of.
When he first approached us about adopting him back, he let us know that he didn't want to change his last name because of his grandfather and how important it had been to him. Unfortunately, the rest of his family let him know (his grandfather passed away seven years ago) that they did not think he deserved to carry on the family name. His adoptive mom, aunt and two uncles all made a point in contacting him to let him know they did not want him to keep the last name.
We explained to my son that they didn't have any say in it and couldn't "decide" he was not allowed to have his last name but in the end, after being hurt and angry from it all, he decided to change his last name to ours.
It broke my heart. It's been awhile since I have cried that hard. To this day, I just don't understand how they could have done that to him after all the hell he had already gone through growing up.