I have written b4 about my son. He has a mental illness and will not go for counseling or on meds. He has been diagnosed and hospitalized 2 times for 3 days. He is constantly out of money, he gets evicted from every apartment and usually is homeless. The family is tired of helping him because he won't help himself. I told him today, he came and said he had no food I gave him some and a couple of bucks. My husband said if i stop giving, perhaps he will go for help, if no one helps him he won't have a choice but to go to the clinic .
I feel so bad for him and wish i could just do something. He is rude, verbally abusive and can be and has been physically abusive.
There is a criminal tresspassing on him for our property, but he still comes here and don't care. My husband is fed up. I am too in a way, just feel bad for him.
He is almost 24. He is on disability. He is really out there lately, and needs meds badly.
What should I do, I have tried i think everything. I even offered to go with him to the mental health clinic. he says no.
What to do?
Cool heads prevail2009-09-14T15:37:39Z
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He has secluded himself.... know one did that for him! Sometimes people need to learn the hard way... You've obviously helped him many times in the past, and it sounds like the rest of your family has as well. you will put hardships on your marriage if you continue to help someone who is obviously unworthy of help! You have to make a decision!
Your husband is right... He won't get any better if you continue to help him! He chose his life, you've tried to help, it didn't stick... you have to let him go! Pray for him, but don't get sucked down under with him!
It sounds like you are all he has and everyone else has given up on him and im sure by the way it sounds he has given up on himself too. I just want to say Hope for the best but except the worse he's an adult so you cant make him do anything anymore. And you cant change someone who doesn't want to change himself first. My only idea would be either try and find someone around the same age maybe a little older who maybe has this disability and let them speak to him about the options and how they are living their life hopefully this person is making good life choices and can be a mentor to your son or maybe this person hasn't made the right decisions and can show your son the hard life in the opposite direction. Or next time you see your son tell him ur cooking his favorite meal on a special day and see if you can get the family doctor to your house to speak with him .. . if he wont go to the doctor will the doctor come to him? Ask him why doesn't he want to take his meds .. does it make him sick, dizzy just ask y .... hope this helps !!!! best of luck
You didn't mention what you have done for you thru all this? Have YOU gone for counseling? The hospitals and social workers can recommend groups and various counselors to give you guidance. You are allowed to have a life and still love your son at the same time. The key is to find relief and ways to lessen the guilt. Can you do a search online in your area or call the hospital where he has been? I'd also try Catholic Charities...(they have numerous counseling centers) and either they can help (free or low cost or covered by ins) or suggest where to call.
You are at a point where you need to be strong and even a bit selfish so that you can be of some use to yourself, your husband and other people in your life you love. Again...you can still love your son, be there for him in a healthy way and tell him you love him..and take care of yourself. Get started.
As a mother, this is a heart breaking situation. I do know how you feel, I have a similar situation. First of all, his age limits what you can and cannot do for him. Second, he has to admit he has a problem and from what you are saying, he doesn't seem ready to admit that. The only way he is going to get help and straighten out his life is if he wants to. And that is going to have to come from him being sick and tired of being sick and tired. It may come down to him being arrested and put in jail. I have bipolar depression and anxiety disorder and I got to the point where I had to realize I wasn't going to get well on my own. A man in my therapy group had a son, who was on drugs and doing alot of what you are mentioning in your question. He was helping him and also trying not too. He finally got himself arrested and the judge gave his son a choice. Jail or hospitalization where he would get help, medication, rehabilitation. His son took the hospitalization and his life completely changed. This man said it was the best thing that ever happened to his son. He now has a career, wife, children and is on medication and is stable. So, although things may look so dim and I know you are hurting, it may come down to that and be exactly what he needs. I'll be praying for you. Take care and I wish you and your family the best. Gloria, NJ
What your husband says is correct. If your son knows that he has you to take care of him...then he thinks he can do what he wants because he has you to fall back on.Stop helping him and let him know that you don't condone his actions. But I know that might be difficult for you because it is your son.So if you can't see yourself putting a stop to helping him, what you can do is the following. If he's on disability benefits then you can apply to become a representative payee for him. What that means is that you are going to be responsible for his money.So the monthly checks will go to you in the mail(both your names on it) or be deposited in the bank(an account you open for him).You will monitor his spending and once he runs out of money, he has to wait until his next check.You have to be firm on not giving him any extra cash. If you go to your local Social Security office and speak to a representative and explain that your son can't handle his funds, they can help you get the process started. Have you ever had an intervention with him? Have you spoken to him and explained how his actions make you feel? I also suggest that. But overall try REALLY hard to not help him.Let him see how hard it can be without the people who love him.