How do I move on, if at all?

Question

Hi
In May last year, our family cat Fluffy Bum (named after the cat in the book Badjelly the Witch) went missing. We searched, put up posters, called the SPCA and did everything we could, but still no sign.

He was an awesome cat. My first proper pet in that when we got him in 1997 (I was around 7 at the time) I fed him and did a lot for him. We got our dog Lui in 2000 and initially Fluffy Bum was quite put out by this energetic crazy ball of fur. After a day or two, and a few scratches in Lui's direction, the pair soon got on well and whilst there were a few swipes generally they were good friends (though my mum does recall the time Fluffy Bum got annoyed, went for Lui and ended up stuck in his fur, as she saw Lui run past with Fluffy Bum attached to his side).

When he went missing, first it was no biggie, I mean, he liked to explore, but after a day it got serious. He loved his food and would always demand it in the morning, yet he wasn't there.

So, like I said, we did all we could to find him but still nothing.

There is a website here, on which people list lost and found animals. I listed a lost advert when he went missing, and set up a search to email me when cats fitting his general description were put on (the SPCAs use this site too). Anyway, after a few emails that got me very excited, and one that seemed to fit his description so well, still nothing. 

So what do I do? His 13th birthday is approaching, on which he would have been missing for one and a half years, yet not a day goes by when I don't think about him.

I still haven't cut off the emails, I just can't bring myself to do it, and I still say goodnight to him every night. I have to say goodnight to my pets, so when he was off exploring at night I used to blow him kisses when I let Lui out to go toilet before bed.

It's a difficult situation as we have no answers. I fully accept that chances are he has died, been hit by a car or gone off to die as some cats do, but considering he had been hit by a car before (lost his tail in 2002 due to that) and was a healthy, happy cat I still can't accept that. I also hear the stories about cats that go missing then turn up years later. Very rare, but since we don't know what happened you have to consider it, no matter how small the probability.

We all miss him. It's easier to talk about him now, things that happen and remind someone of him, but I still have teary nights. 

I think not knowing is the hardest. He had a good life with us yet you can never fully move on without knowing the truth.

I still refer to him as MIA, and whilst we do have another cat now (who we adopted from the SPCA last year, not as a replacement, but as just a cat, with full intention of them both staying if Fluffy Bum came home) Fluffy Bum is still one of my pets.

Truth be told, I don't think I'll ever let go. Unless I ever find out what happened, I'll never ever stop thinking about him. He taught me a lot, and I loved the fact that he could be so grumpy one minute then snuggle up next to you on the couch another. He used to come for walks with us. I'd often walk Lui and hear a noise behind me and turn to see him running along, or back in our old house, when we used to have a walkway to walk to school in the mornings he would often follow us, and kids would run up to the fence and watch him walk, and then he'd sit there for a bit before heading home.

I was wondering if anyone else has ever experienced this happen, and if you can offer any advice?

Poodles NOT Doodles! · Accepted Answer

Well I have a few stories, which may or may not make you feel better.

The first two are from the Humane Society I used to work at. We had a stray cat turn up, guessed him at about 8 years, who *shocker* was actually micro-chipped. So we were able to call the people who is chip was registered to and guess what. They had not seen that cat in seven years. He disappeared at about a year old and they had never seen him again. He had clearly been living with someone else for the last seven years

The second one, we had a cat show up, who had been spray painted pink. She looked awful, we were going to hold her on our 'stray' period and euthanize her. She had to have been at least 16 years old, her eyes were sunken in, her organs were failing and realistically we couldn't invest a ton of money into a cat who would more than likely live out her days in a cage. About a week after she arrived we had an 'appeal' for another cat who needed eye surgery, and we raised almost $8,000.00. We were able to treat the other cat as well, a few days later her owner showed up at our shelter after seeing her on our lost cats page. She (the cat) was 22 years old, the owner thought she was gone forever when she disappeared from her house two months prior.

And the last one is the story of my cat, Willow. I adopted her two and a half years ago from an HS. She had been found in the woods wandering and was matted solid, she was guessed at about  2-3 years old. About a year later, I took her to the vet and the vet said she was more like 14-16 years old. I was shocked (and very upset). I wonder sometimes what her old family thought happened to her. She clearly belonged to someone prior to me, she was already spayed and she is incredibly loving.

So I guess my point is, maybe Fluffy Bum just found another home. He might never come back, but you can maybe take solace in that thought that he didn't just die somewhere alone in the woods, that he might have been picked up by someone and is living the good life elsewhere and probably missing you too.

•Poppy• · Answer

It's been almost exactly 2 months since my Lucky Cat went missing (he disappeared on Aug. 21st) and not a day goes by that I don't think of him, wish that I could hold him, lay down with him, something. He was a very special cat, when I was stressed, he helped me cope. Christmas is coming--our very special time of year--he would help me put up the tree (he loved that!) and I bought an ornament every year with to put a picture of him in.

He was a happy, healthy cat. He only had three legs, but man, was he fast. He would have turned 5 this year.

I still hope some miracle will happen, and that he'll show up, but honestly we live in the country. It was a mistake to have him outside, and he's almost certainly gone for good, but it would be amazing if that just weren't true. 

I raised him from a bottle, and our bond was just awesome. I'll get another cat (someday), and never let him/her outside, but it will never be the same, either. 

I'm sorry for your loss. It's one of the hardest things I've ever had to do, I understand what you're going through.

Catherine Rose · Answer

I was born into a family with cats and I'd owned hamsters, guinea-pigs and fish, but, and I'm not sure why, my mum bought me a cat when I was 7. 
After my riding lesson, my mum pulled up outside the RSPCA. I asked what we were doing here, and she said 'I'm getting you something you've always wanted'.
Maisy came to live with us, she was 7 weeks old and really cute.
That meant, that we had 2 cats and some guinea-pigs. 

We got Maisy in July? And the following January we moved to New Zealand. When we came home, because it had been so long, Maisy had forgotten us and was not as sociable as she should of been. 
Then Timber (the other cat) died. Several years later (we now had Herbie as well, who got on great with Maisy) we acquired a second cat, Stinky. 
A year after that, Maisey went missing. 
We think it could of been because Stinky was having kittens, but we just don't know.
I cried yes, and put up posters and a notice at the vets, checked the rescue centres and asked the neighbours, but we didn't and still haven't heard anything. 
This was about 3 years ago now and I do still miss my little cat, but I've come to terms that I wont be seeing my little friend again, and I think that the little kitten from Stinky, who we kept and named Emo, is Maisy, come back :)

? · Answer

I am so sorry for your pain. I know the feeling. I had a young adult male tabby when I moved out of my mother's house into an apartment with roommates. He was a typical tom cat, always prowling. But he always came back home. When I moved out, he was nowhere to be found. I searched everyday, my mom and friends searched too, driving across town to return to that apartment complex. This went on for months. I had almost given him up as lost, or worse, when Mom called and said she had found him in the parking lot of the complex, I think coming out of a trash dumpster. His lower jaw was totally askew, like he had been kicked or worse; it was completely healed when he was found. He knew where he should be and he stayed there until we found him. He lived with my Mom after that for a good 7-8 years. 

Don't let your Fluffy Bum go out of your heart. That's where his home is, and he knows it!!!

I wish I could tell you it gets easier, but it doesn't. Christopher was such a cool cat and he was definetly my cat. I still miss him.

Pug❤Bug · Answer

Aww I feel so sorry for you! I know how horrible it can be to have a pet cat go missing.

We had a cat named Felix (I know, how original!) who we had had for many years.  He would always go out to explore, but the same thing happened to us - one day he just didn't come back.  We were out of our minds with worry as this was so unlike him.

We put flyers up, placed adverts in local shops, asked around the neighbourhood and informed our local shelter.  

About a year or so had passed and it was the morning we were going on holiday.  We were outside getting into the taxi around 4.00am and out of nowhere Felix came running down the garden path looking very thin but otherwise ok!  We dropped him off at a family members house who took him to the vets for us.  Apart from needing a good feed, everything was ok with him!

Don't give up hope on your cat - one day he may just suprise you!

Sadly, Felix died a few years later from old age and I really miss him :(

How do I move on, if at all?

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