I recently decided I want to meet my birth mom, i think I should probably write her a letter first, the major problem is, what do you say to someone you don't know and doesn't know you? She wrote some letters to my parents when I was younger and I read them for the first time a couple days ago (I'm 22). I feel that she would still like to meet me but I don't know what I'm really looking for, or what will happen, I'd love if someone could help me figure out what to write to her and maybe if someone was adopted and met their birth mom what it was like and stuff, thanks
gypsywinter2010-02-24T04:09:52Z
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To Tia: You are an adoptive mother, not a mother who surrendered her child for adoption. Please quit speaking for natural mothers, in regards to how they felt when they surrendered. You are only giving your version from an adoptive mother's perspective, how can you possibly know every feeling and reason why a mother surrendered? You can't.
To the OP: First I would ask, why is it that you only just read these letters a couple of days ago at the age of 22? Were these letters just now given to you? Write your natural mother a letter, tell her you just read her letters, tell her about yourself today, maybe ask some questions from talking points garnered from her letters. No need to get heavy in the first letter out. If you are interested in meeting your natural mother, let her know that too. I will give you this "opinion" from a mother that surrendered her newborn for adoption 45 yrs ago...please don't thank her for surrendering you...I know those words would have sent a knife thru my heart. Thankfully my daughter never thanked me for *giving her away*. And I sincerely doubt that my reunited daughter would have loved to hear from me..."what a great choice I made in giving you away, because I loved you so much". I did not surrender my baby to adoption *out of love*...I surrendered because my back was against the wall and given no other option but the option of adoption, when I was an unwed mother at the age of 18. That isn't love...that is desperation and hopelessness. I am sure there are other natural mothers here who can give you some good tips on what to include in your letter, as well as other adult adoptees who have done same as you are now contemplating. BTW...my daughter did send me a letter once, about a month into reunion (only phone conversations at that point)...I still have it almost 11 years into reunion now. She told me she missed me all her life (3+ decades) and my finding her was for her, like finding the missing pieces of her life.
Good Luck and wishing both you and your nmother much love, peace and harmony in reunion.
I don't know why there is such a slap fight going on here with the natural moms and the adoptive moms...geez....just answer this person's question!
I think your natural mother would be glad to get anything from you, no matter what you say. Just start with a simple opener and I'm sure everything you want to tell her all these years will just fall into place. I think that you should start with a shorter "hey it's me" letter and see if she writes you back. Then you will know what to do from there. This is a big step for you and I know that you are nervous but I think you will be so happy to know her some once you get past the inital letter. You could say something like what you are telling us "I've wanted to write for a while since I've read your letters but I had no idea what to even tell you so this is my attempt at writing this first letter to you". After that, it will just come to you, straight from your heart. Keep it shorter this time and don't get insecure once you send it off. Waiting for her response will be even harder for you but be patient and she will respond. Don't feel like you have to choose between your adoptive mother and your natural mother because you don't (as some people here make it sound). This is your life and you only get one life, make the most of it. You have 2 mothers, that makes you a very lucky person in my book. Twice the knowledge, twice the love, twice the experiences from 2 different points of view. I wish you a lot of luck and God bless you. Now go for it!
hello first of all i wish you luck i was adopted when i was a baby and have just found my birth mum . i no how you feel its so hard . i started by letter two i just put my name and what i liked and a little bit about my adopted family . but meeting up was the worst i was so nervous and scared but we sat down and just chatted about things but i didn't mention any think like why she put me up i just anted to get to no her first without all the feelings getting in the way its been several months since we met up and things have ground to a holt we do still chat but its so different to what i expected . im so close to my adopted mum that it felt so strange being round my birth mum . take things slow and just be your self good luck
this is glaring that she has a kinfolk and is ashamed of what she did. i will guess she has seen you well-known because you stumbled on her on facebook. particular - i think of you will desire to - in a hand written letter - attempt to touch her. no longer her mothers and fathers. this may well be a secret between you 2. you will desire to placed across that to her. you recognize the situation this would placed her in yet you have emotional holes on your existence that for the period of easy terms she would have the capacity to fill. believe ME - she feels an analogous. She has questioned approximately you for an prolonged time. i'm a start mom. no longer yours - by using fact i stumbled on mine - he stumbled on me truthfully. Now on that area of the fence - he's terrified to tell his adoptive mothers and fathers that we talked by using fact he would not choose to harm them. Adoption is a heavily no longer elementary concern - one that i'm keen that can assist you you thru - in case you decide on my help to compose the letter i will, only touch me interior the process the e mail hyperlink. i will show you how to recognize which you will face rejection and in no way get a reaction yet you will in no way comprehend in case you do no longer attempt. She would proportion a working laptop or workstation with somebody and is afraid that they are going to see facebook communications. do no longer supply up - ever. ************ you do no longer comprehend what she needs. do no longer assume something with counsel from her movements. which would be a brilliant mistake. You took her with counsel from ask your self and has theory approximately it well-known because. believe me. i will guess she's the 1st one to the mail field and the only diving for the telephone every time it earrings...it would desire to be to maintain the secret or connect with you - regretting her movements. i'm a start mom - i comprehend the "would desire to I - shouldn't I" thoughts. The what if's. She feels an analogous vacancy you do - she would have the capacity to no longer comprehend how incomplete her existence grow to be until eventually you have talked. ************* in spite of if she grow to be raped you're HERS. greater hers than his. She carried you. She made your first existence determination. And hers. you have a bond together with her exterior of every person else. A mothers love knows of out barriers. while and in case you do communicate - all partitions will fall away.
its really hard to write such a letter. i say write whatever is in your heart. meet her at a restaurant. to tell you the truth i dont think that she'll care as along as she sees you and speaks with you. it will be hard. dont get me wrong it will be. but once you get past that, i bet you'll be really happy good luck