Does the general public think the foster care system is full of juvenile delinquents?
I can't get over the number of questions I see about fostering or adopting from foster care, but people don't want those kids who "will stab my kids, or beat me up, or have a smart mouth, or fail school or......"
Seriously, does the general public hold the belief that kids are in foster care because they're bad? How can we dispel the myths about foster children?
2010-03-17T21:51:21Z
For the people questioning the sources of some comments, some of them I have read on this and other forums, some have been IRL.
In fact, I've been asked "what's wrong with them" regarding children as young as 2 or 3. I know many people who won't foster because "the kids are all delinqent and bad". I've actually heard that said. I think it's terrible, the vast majority of children in care actually have very manageable issues, if people would only educate themselves.
2010-03-17T21:52:27Z
Molly, I agree completely. Maybe we need to get more of the 'good' stuff out into the media.
2010-03-17T21:54:33Z
Walter Ford ll, wow, it's not often I agree with a lot of what you say, but I think you've made some really valid points. Thanks.
Anonymous2010-03-18T03:04:09Z
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it's not because the kids are bad, but some of those kids may have gone through some bad ****. Plus a lot of foster kids feel neglected and then turn that into rage and act out this way.
I was fostered thanks to my parents being 15, Europeans who just moved to Australia and my father was an abusive man who molested his own infant daughter. (me)
My foster parents son abused me from the age of 2 until i was 12 (when he moved out of home) I acted out because i told my foster mum what was going on and she replied "my son would never do that" so from that moment on i though f***. I will never tell the truth again... why should i when they didn't believe me when i was.
I started drugs, skipping school, causing fights, ran away etc. I never did good at school because my foster parents never had time to help me (even through elementary school which is called primary school in Australia)
Some kids are treated horribly in foster care; I've known a few foster kids who have committed suicide because their bio families are screwed and they're being abused in their foster home. some foster families treat them like slaves, steal their belongings, tease them, bring them down and tell them that they'll end up like their screwed up parents etc.
Low self esteem causes some of this (bad) behavior
BUT when i ran away, my social workers put me in another foster home (just temporarily) and it was the most nicest home I've EVER been in. So loving and caring. It made me feel safe and wanted.
The kids that go to these kind of homes aren't delinquents, god they have the love they've been searching for. All these "bad" kids need is love, TRUST, understanding, time and respect. They just want to belong.
My guess would be that people worry about that because the foster kids could very well have been stabbed themselves, beat up, etc. Obviously some awful stuff most likely happened in order for the children to be in foster care. Maybe people are afraid that the child will have severe anger issues and that they won't know how to control it or something along that line? I would assume that would be a concern with older children more than younger, but I could very well be wrong!
That being said, I don't personally know anyone who assumes that foster children are bad. My girls are adopted foster children and they are wonderful. Everyone loves them to pieces! I have several friends who are social workers or have been foster/ adoptive parents. I think THAT is the way to dispel the myths. By proof that these kiddos are wonderful miracles.
I don't think the myth is so much that children in foster care are juvenile deliquents as it is that children are often in foster care due to serious abuse and neglect issues from their past. Those issues can and do cause behavior problems in children. Sometimes, those behavior problems ARE serious and ARE violent. The child can't be blamed for the circumstances that led to he/she needing to learn what is often survival skills or ineffective coping skills.
There's a fine line to walk here. You want to encourage people to go into foster parenting or foster/adopt, but by the same token, you don't want people to go in with the "rainbow farting unicorn" idea of foster-adoption. That all they need is love and once they have it, all of the scars from all of the trauma the child endured will just magically go away.
It also doesn't help that there are many, many instances where a child's record has been "sanitized" by the state for the purposes of misleading the foster/adopt parents. That sets both the child and the family up for failure.
So I don't think you can say that children with violent tendencies in foster care is a myth, but you can help to put it in the proper context and perspective. This isn't about dispelling myths, it's about helping people make an informed choice.
I don't and most people I know don't think kids in foster care are there because they are bad. However many are bad because of what got them to foster care. As a former foster parent and talking with people who did foster care for years many not all foster children are violent and many act out. They cut school they run away they do drugs etc. Not everyone can be a foster parent it takes a paint person that understands that they have been through many difficult times and may not know how to fully handel it.
yes not all foster children act like that but many do and those are the ones that other people hear about and this forms their perceptions
I think maybe you are (at least partially) talking about my question. And no, I do not think the foster system is full of juvenile delinquents. But I also think there's a good chance that well behaved / safe kids find homes rather quickly. (maybe even with their aunts, uncles, etc...)
My worries only come from what I have seen. And unfortunately, half the kids I have seen that do these extreme things stay with their biological parents. I think they clearly belong in foster care so someone can teach them better ways. But I know that I personally am not up to it.
I have watched kids (without government interference) when their parents finally gave up and decided to have other relatives come to my house and take them in. - But I have also had to turn away some of their siblings because I couldn't let my own child be put in danger.
I just recognize that there are all types of kids who need homes. -- Just want to know if it's realistic to want what I want. Every time I check out websites that list kids, I see problems I don't think I could handle. ... Then again, kids aren't like used cars. I don't think they should be listed on the internet as if they were.