I'm a SAHM of an almost 3 year old and 8 month old and I am at my wits end dealing with toddler tantrums, breastfeeding, baby teething, lack of sleep, cleaning, organizing, shopping, bills, etc. When my husband comes home we have dinner and baths (which I used to do during the day but no longer have the energy) and bedtime which is all complicated by the extreme willfullness of our toddler. By the time the kids are both sleeping we are completely exhausted and usually wind up falling asleep on the couch so nothing really gets done at night either.
So, I'm wondering, how do you other SAHMs manage it all? I've tried making a chore schedule, plowing throught the fatigue to keep up and now I'm considering hiring someone a couple days a week to come give me a break so I can get things done or get some rest. It just seems no matter what I do I'm tired, crabby and resentful that my husband doesn't take charge of more "to-do's" even though he works a lot... and yes, we've already had many many discussions about it.
Please help me! I feel like I want to just fly off to a tropical island and lay on the beach for a week with nothing to do... unfortunately, there is laundry, dishes, bills to be payed, dinner to be made, a trip to the store for wipes and phone calls to be made all today! And if I don't do it today, it gets added to the list tomorrow! Ahhh!
2010-03-23T11:30:20Z
Thanks so much for all your quick answers! They have been helpful but I'm wondering one more thing... I'll post another question so you can all comment again! :o)
happymomof22010-03-23T11:51:56Z
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It gets easier when your baby gets a little older. My son was 15 months old when my daughter was born (a month early!). My husband also worked a lot (11 or 12 hour days) and I didn't have any family close by for two years. Here's what I did that helped: 1. Make your hubby do the bills. It's not like cleaning the toilet or doing dishes. He's capable of working the calculator and it will give you less stress and free up a little time. 2. Have your hubby pick up things you need on his way home from work (like wipes or small grocery lists when you notice you're getting low). It takes me an hour to feed the kids, get them dressed, pack the baby-bag, get myself ready and buckle the kids in the car; then into and out of the shopping cart...It takes your hubby 8-10 min. to run it and get it. 3. My husband is much more helpful when I ask him to do something specifically in the moment vs. a general long-term "help out more" goal that is more vague. Be specific with him ("Honey, can you put the laundry in the dryer?" or "Could you put the rest of those dishes away please?" or "Can you quick vacuum the crumbs for me?"). Try it, it and you'll be surprised! 4. Every time you make a meal, double the amount you make and freeze half of it for later (lasagna, meatballs, casserole etc.). You're cooking, anyway so you might as well double the ingredients. So much easier to grab and reheat when you're tired. 5. Give the kids a bath every other day (or two days if you're sick or exhausted!). I noticed my kids were getting dry skin from baths every day, anyway. You can always clean their hands and faces in between. 6. Make a rule "no tantrums" for your toddler and put him in time-out when he has one. My kids almost never have tantrums since I made that rule. Also, let your 3 year old pick three toys to take to bed. Tell him every time you have to go into the room or tell him to go to sleep you'll take a toy and he won't get it back until tomorrow night. That's what helped with my son! 7. Remember that sleep really is the priority for you! You have two little kids and a lot of responsibility. Unless you know someone is coming over, let the housework slide a bit for the sake of sleep and less stress. 8. It will get better/easier all on it's own. Next year you'll have a one year old toddler and a 4 year old, time goes very fast! Try to enjoy your kids as much as you can in the middle of the chaos and sleep-deprivation because they don't stay little forever. Soon enough you'll look back and miss those tiny hand-prints on the glass and slobbery little kisses, big hugs and first words. Things will get better! Good luck!
Tell your husband what he needs to take off your hands. Your resentment may build and it will only cause more problems. I work full-time, but had a break down a while back and told my husband I am just dead. I work all day and do 95% of the stuff at home. He said he would take on some stuff. He has started cooking 2 times a week and puts the kid to bed sometimes too. Can you just assign something to your husband to give you a little break? The bills? Laundry?
Also, if you can afford for someone to come in once or twice a month to clean, I'd totally do it.
Don't let the important things (children/family) get lost in the shuffle of all the unimportant things (laundry, cleaning).
Time to divide the responsibility. It is okay to ask for help.
I'm not a SAHM, I work fulltime, but I still do everything else on the list you mentioned. Plus, my daughter has gymnastics 1 day a week, and my son & daughter both have swim lessons 3 days a week. On top of that, I work 40 hours a week, I exercise 5 days a week (in the mornings before anyone else wakes up), I pay bills, I cook dinner every night, and I am also a paid writer for examiner.com and I write food articles. That's done in my free time. I also keep my house clean, help my husband in the yard, and care for both of our kids.
Do I feel like a machine? Yes. I never have a moment to breathe. But when I'm feeling overwhelmed, I can always ask my husband to please take over for an hour so I can sit in the bubble bath with a glass of wine and a book. He's the reason I still have sanity, and he supports me endlessly.
I use to be a stay at home mom of 2 and let me tell you there are always things that won't get done, The key is too not stress over it. If you get the most urgent things done let the little or less important things get done at your leisure. Lots of people don't understand the hard work SAHM really do. But remember your happiness and sanity are the key to your family's happiness and sanity. But i found that if I started the day with laundry and breakfast, dishes and lunch, nap time for the kids and me time for mommy(or pay the bills). Once you find a routine that works best for you everything slowly but surely gets done.
I stayed home with my son for 2.5 years. A month ago I took a weekend job. I found that it never all gets done no matter how you schedule it. The key is to take some time for yourself every week and then you don't stress about it all so much. You can not control the fact that there is not enough hours in the day but you can control how you handle it. Even if it feels like there is no time to take for yourself you have to clear up atleast a few hours just for you so you can be the best mom you can for your kids. Ask for help. Get family to watch them for a few hours even if you just go window shopping or sit and have a drink somewhere that time makes all the difference in the world.