What is the best way to deal with a roommate that will not follow instructions per my request?

Being in a roommate situation for past few months and have been having some difficult times as we continue with our lives. I allowed him to stay and eventually start renting from me, but from what I am seeing over past weeks and after talking with him about what I want or do not want in the way of doing things in the household he still refuses to do as I ask. I make it as clear as possible that I am not attacking him, but more like I want things done my way and not the way he is used to. He has been a huge help with my move and day to day chores, but there is the above issues and also the fact that he also does things without asking first or throwing things away without asking...Any decent advise on how to approach him with him blowing a gasket?

2010-03-23T19:55:29Z

I am not talking about what he does that only effects him. I am talking about what I want to have happen when dishes are washed by hand vs by dish washer or the use of my personal computer without asking, or taking my car when not asking. He has placed some gas into the car, but before he moved in I told him that I did not want to have him stranded where we now are and I told him that I would not be a taxi for him. Once agian he has done some good things in the way of chores and it is much appreciated, but then again I like the way I do things and when you or anyone else does something that goes against me as a person I become agitated. I do not raise my voice at any time toward him. I like when I read the paper as the first person as I pay for it or buying a new coffee maker for MY person ues as he likes and drings coffee throughout the day and I do not. I am at a loss for now.

Mushu2010-03-23T19:43:45Z

If he's paying rent, he should have the right to do his things his way. It's one of the things you have to understand when sharing a living space - that not everyone does things the same way, and your way is not the only way. His throwing things of yours out is a different story, and you must approach him on that. Just don't raise your voice, and simply say, " (insert name here), please make sure you ask me before throwing anything away that belongs to me."

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Anonymous2010-03-24T01:15:12Z

I was in the rental business for many year, had hundreds of tenants, and know what you mean. First off, you can't having a paying room mate and expect your life to be the same. Generally it won't be. So you have to set boundaries in your own mind. You'll have to decide how much his money is worth to you, or whether you'd be better off alone

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Sir Jam2010-03-23T19:45:55Z

If he is behaving inappropriately, ask him to leave.
I cannot help thinking that the phrasing of your post implies you might be a mildly arrogant and controlling person. He may end up leaving of his own accord if you are continually lecturing him

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Monica2010-03-24T07:25:29Z

the best thing to do is have a sit down and let him know how

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