Kinda wanting to give up, this is not life anymore for me.. PLEASE i NEED your HELP!!!?

Question

Ok so im kinda wanting to kill myself, im 16 years old. still in high school. luckily i graduate on december of this year.but i feel like im not well. im really struggling with myself, im having hard times at school and also at home.. at school im mostly alone, i try to talk but its hard for me to relate with the people over there, just cause im different u know. im not interested in what they talk so id rather stay alone.. anywayz i graduate this year so that shouldnt be my main worry.. the thing is that i feel like im different now.. i spend MY WHOLE DAYS worrying wanting to cry, ashamed.. and knowing that im alone at school i have lunch by myself and all that its only making everything seem worse. im very ashamed. im really shy and dont have self confidence and the worst part is that the only thing that keeps me like better or wanting to do sometyhing is gay porn and masturbation.. this is embarrasing and im so ashamed.. i know i really shouldnt but its like an addiction for me it may be a way to get over my anger or idk.. the thing is that i really want to stop doing those things why? cause i feel it makes me feel better,, but it really does not.. it hurts me inside i just dont want to go and say im gay cause im not too sure about it ive never been in a relationship before and this is rally worrying me.. also family is a problem..yes, i do have support, im also going through therapy.. but yesterday for ex. my grandma invited all of our family and she made ME feel like embarased.why¿ cause she obliged me to talk in front of everyone, to tell my aunt and uncle about my life.. and then she asked me what was wrong with me. why was i so silent during the diner.. also my cousins didnt talk to me even tho i tried to laugh at their jokes and all that. u know its like im pretending everything (cause otherwise they will get angry) and im being rejected.. im also humilliated in front of my family.. i seriously hate my grandma thats what shes been doing my whole life.. u know like keeping me as the black sheep of the family.. then i went to see tv and i felt like nothing distracted me im like ill or idont know whaty. im angry with everybody.. i beat my parents cause i felt so angry i felt like theyve never been able to stand up for me and do something about it just cause they are scared.. when i got back home i started hiting myself with everything and also wanting to give up with my life.. i seriously thought all night about killing myselfg and suicide cause i honestly dont see anything positie about it.. i feel like i dont belong to this world, nobody wants to be friends with me,, theres nobody who casn understand me, im just not ready to deal with all of this.. i cant enjoy ANYTHING. im sad inside, theres too much going through my mind.. im really sad and feel guilty cause idont enjoy anything even if its something that i used to enjoy.. i know theres serious trouble with me,, but this is something new to me.. i also keep changing moods, i feel like im sick.. yes, i am going to start playing the guitar and photography but sometimes i just dont fel like doing it, i feel like im not gonna get better with all of it and keep doing what i do.. so i feel so bad.. theres too much drama, i keep doing what i hate doing or feel uncomfortable most of the time.. i dont know what to do with life.. is it time to give an end to it?? i live in argentina and its not like the usa, its so much worse,,, i just want to live in the unityed states but i dont know.. i feel like ive got serious trouble and that im not necessary in this world.. maybe its time to kill myself.. i need your help, thanks for reading.. and sorry for the extension but i REALLY need your help i feel diferent and sad.. PLEASE HELP! 

thank you

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

"Today you are you, that is truer than true. There is no one alive who is youer than you." -Dr. Seuss

First of all, you're a beautiful person and don't tell yourself otherwise. Everyone has things about them they despise and everyone has moments in their lives when they just don't know what to do, because no one and no life is perfect, but that's what makes life so beautiful, because obstacles in life are here to push us into stronger people. If you ever need anyone to talk to, email me, alright?-- I can talk to you..  I promise you that your life will get better once you can overcome this hardship-- and you will. Don't worry. 

I strongly suggest really finding that passion in life that will keep you inspired and motivated. What is something positive that you like to do? If you can't think of any, think about your strengths instead. For example, if you like blogging, you should start creating and writing your own fictional stories! If you like helping other people, you can volunteer at various places around your community. If you like listening to music, you can start learning an instrument. The possibilities are endless!.. and there's definitely one out there that really speaks out to you. Once you find this passion, you are not alone -- you can befriend others who share the same passion as you & this will help you relate to them and comfortably talk to people.

Finding your passion will definitely boost your self esteem, give you a reason to live, help you learn and love yourself more, and help you find others who you can relate to & talk to. Sure, you might not get the right notes when playing guitar or snap the perfect photos, but that just means you can push yourself to your potential; the best you can be and the result will be satisfying. "Life is like riding a bicycle, you don't fall off unless you stop pedaling." In general, if you really want something, you'll be willing to work at it and keep bettering yourself at it, right?

Sorry if I'm rambling, by the way, there's so much I want to say and I'm just so scared you might make the wrong decision by taking your life -- that's definitely not the way to go.. even though it may seem like it is, but it's NOT.. you have the ability to change your life, if you have your heart and mind set to changing it..

If you feel where you live right now and the people who you are surrounded by isn't the place where you belong, right now is the time to plan for your future.. it's time to really start anew and I can sense that that's what's important to you. If your dream is to live somewhere else, you're going to have to start having your goals set. What are the things you're going to need to do in order to move?.. once you find the answers, you'll be one step closer to living out your dream life! :] ..the next step is to ACT & DO.. and if you do so, soon, you'll be where you want to be. Life is definitely what you make out of it.. once you have a positive and open mind, your life will definitely reflect your positivity.

Also, if you really want to leave your past behind, you're going to have to accept the lessons it has given you and move on from them, whether you like it or not. Holding grudges will only make you feel very negative, which is a feeling that nobody wants to keep forever. Be mature towards your family members, even though they might not be the same towards you.. treat others the way you want to be treated and maybe they'll change their ways; if not, gradually, they will know their actions aren't justified. 

If you feel guilty towards the way you treat your parents, it's time to apologize to YOURSELF and to THEM; let them know you love them & let them know your feelings about the whole situation. It's good to share feelings with others so you can just let it all out, because keeping it inside isn't healthy.. you know your actions had been wrong, therefore, learn from this life lesson and don't let it happen again. 

You are a very fortunate person. You have a roof to live under, food to eat, dreams to made into a reality.. although you're struggling right now, I can see that you have potential to do really great things with your life; not only for yourself, but for others too. Only YOU can change your life, no one else. YOU are the only person that knows you best & with that said, don't let anyone bring you down; you are your own person with your own strengths and flaws. YOU have the ability to turn your life around, so it's time to push away all of the negative energy out of your system, find that thing in life that will keep you inspiring to become a better person, and just start to LIVE life to its fullest. :) "Don't add days to your life, but life to your days."

Anonymous · Answer

Hmm, it was kind of bitchy for her to say that to you... and that excuse about other people helping with her issues... so what? Even if she has these other people what's the problem with having you in her life also? I think she was making any excuse to maybe get rid of you. I think you should just leave it, dont do anything. See what she says next. And if she never ever contacts you from now on well... then maybe you should just consider letting her go altogether. I know it hurts but its a better idea than to still contact her and get on her back about it... it'll just tick her off more. See what happens, like you said, she could've just had a bad day. I'm sure after a few months or so you guys will talk again.. when the dust settles. Just leave it for now, let her calm down, then see what happens.

murphysmurphy · Answer

Sweetie, you have no Idea how big this world is outside of your town. Chances are once you graduate, you will never see any of your classmates again. and if you do it will be rare. Especially if you take the advice im about to give you. Move. Get a job, save up some money and move out of your town, county and possibly state. No one will know you and you will have a fresh start to be anyone you want to be! There are so many things left in this world for you. High school isn't even the beginning. Be strong and keep your head up. Open up your beautiful eyes and see what is in store for your future.

Nicky · Answer

Listen teenage years are so hard and sometimes you will feel this depressed. Please remember that as your hormones settle down a lot of this will pass as you gradually learn to understand who you are and what your place in the world is. You have so much to learn and experience in life yet and this all takes time. Growing up is hard especially if you feel different which because your gay I expect you do. You do not need to tell anyone about you being gay yet because its your business not anyone elses and your still very young and perhaps its better to deal with all that when you are a bit older and wiser. 

There is however NOTHING wrong with being gay and it is not something you have chosen so you MUST NOT feel guilty about it! It is part of who you are and decent liberal fair minded people will NEVER judge you for your sexuality .. those that do are cold hearted and bitter people with very minimal insight into this world as they view everything as black and white! 

Please dont worry things will get better! You have so much in life to look forward to .. of that I am sure!

skater · Answer

DUDE IF UR GAY UR GAY IF UR STRAIGHT UR STRAIGHT U R WHO U R  u gotta be positive about dis i know ur going thru some hard times but it will get better just move out of ur house and come to the u.s its awsome over here dont kill ur self dude u came to this world for a reason get a job get some money get a plane ticket and have some money when  u get to the u.s get an apartment get a new job and ur set for a whole new beggining a whole new life i know it wont be as simple as it sounds right now like im saying but its possible just move out GOOD LUCK  :) remember THINK POSITIVE

Kinda wanting to give up, this is not life anymore for me.. PLEASE i NEED your HELP!!!?

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