I have a question concerning bipolar disorder to those willing to take a moment and read.
Three years ago, my grandfather died. While I had dealt with the deaths of other close family members both before and since then, the death of my grandfather was the hardest for me to deal with. I know that traumatizing events in one's life can trigger hidden mental disorders, and I think that his death may have triggered more than one problem in my mind. However, I think that the biggest problem it caused was bipolar disorder. Every year since his death, I've gone through a period lasting usually between 3-8 months of extreme depression, in which I cut of connections with people that matter to me in my life, stop doing things I enjoy in life like my writing and music, and pick up on more harmful behaviors like self-mutilation and drug usage. When I start to phase into a more stable or possibly hypomanic mindset, I see everything in color again and I don't understand how I could have been so depressed before. The people and hobbies in my life become everything to me again, and life seems nothing short of beautiful in every way possible. While, based on the past few times I've experienced this, my happier mindset never lasts as long as my depressed mindset, it always seems to come, even if it takes a long time, long enough that I suspect it will never roll around.
I just wanted an outside opinion on this, I guess. I don't exactly have anyone I'm comfortable enough with to talk about these kinds of things, but I really wanted to explain myself somehow and ask someone else's thoughts about me. I'm just curious as to whether or not this sounds like a legit case of manic depression or perhaps something else. Any help is very much appreciated.
Thank you for reading and/or any help or insight you may be able to offer. :)
Anonymous2010-06-07T06:58:46Z
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Bipolar is genetic so unless it runs in your family it is unlikely. What you describe sounds more like a normal period that a hypomanic episode..... even normality can seem to be extra awesome after being depressed...... Sounds more like recurring depression. Still if it is interfereing with you ability to function or yoru quality of life then you should see your doctor about it.
Everyone has all the symptoms of Bipolar Disorder....... because everyone has mood swings, momentary loss of judgment, likes to go shopping, likes sex, feels down sometimes, gets angry now and then and is hyper on occasion. The difference is that all of these symptoms in Bipolar are so intense that they interfere with your ability to function. Think of a pole (biPOLEr) with 0 at the center (0 being normal) and 10 at one end (manic) and -10 at the other (deep depression). Most people have swings but stay within 3 to -3. I have fairly severe Bipolar 1 but since my psychosis is mild I go from -9 to 9.... Also depression that comes and goes is not bipolar but just recurring depression, you have to have mania for it to be Bipolar..... you have to go to both ends of the pole.
Rapidly changing moods or becoming angry or sad easily is not Bipolar. That is just having emotions. People with Bipolar Disorder do not change emotions quickly, they go through long periods of deep depression followed by long periods of mania or elevated mood, long periods meaning weeks or months or years. Mood effects everything about you.... your energy level, self esteem, sleep patterns, appetite, sexuality, emotional response, etc.....
This is what it is like to have Bipolar disorder:
Depression - too tired to get out of bed, shower, even to brush my teeth. Cry all the time, sleep 16 hours a day. Feelings of self loathing and guilt that drive me to think of suicide but I'm to tired to even think about how to go about killing myself. It makes you feel small and worthless and completely insignificant. It makes you think about how big the world is and how meaningless you are in it..... and it refuses to let you have any good thoughts or see any good things.... when you look in the mirror all you see is pain, you don't even see yourself, you don't taste your favorite foods anymore, see that flowers are blooming, whether or not the sun is out, you become so inward that you hardly even notice your surroundings..... You don't even feel love for people anymore.... positive thoughts are just not possible...... it is a deep dark hole with no way out and no light for hope.... and most of all it makes you feel sooooo alone. And even if there were someone who cared about you they would be better off if you killed yourself....... because all you will ever be is a burden....... this can last from a couple of weeks to a couple of years.
Mania - Way too happy! PARTY GIRL! love drink and drugs. Talk really fast and pressured because my thoughts are going faster than my mouth can keep up with. Hypersexual - like I sleep with strangers and guys I just met on the internet or I masturbate 10 times a day. I once became bisexual because there were twice as many people to sleep with. down load porn and spend tons of money on sex toys. Spending sprees..... I once spent my mortgage money on african violets, yep, $1500 on African violets (then I got depressed and let them all die). Quit my job because I wanted my vacation pay for lottery tickets and I was so convinced I would win that I started shopping and writing bad checks because I'd be rich as soon as the numbers were drawn. Decided that I could replace the furnace in my home by myself... I mean how hard can it be..... Only sleep 2 or maybe 3 hours a night for months on end and never feel tired. In the end I was unemployed, $30,000 in debt, and had almost lost my home, which needed a new furnace because I had removed the old one.. or parts of it anyway. This can last for months.
I also have mixed states when I am depressed and manic at the same time which are truly the worst... By body and mind are depressed but there is this undercurrent of energy running all the time..... I'm highly emotional but the emotions tend to be negative (guilt and anger) I have intrusive thoughts and urges to mutilate myself (like wanting to stick my hands in the garbage disposal or cooking them on the BBQ), and I also have psychotic episodes where I hallucinate. This is when I am most suseptible to suicide because I am depressed, wanting to hurt myself, and I have the mental energy to plan and carry it out.
When I am on meds I am a normal 45 year old single mom of 3 and no one would even guess that
It sounds very much like bipolar disorder, although if the three months of happiness coincides with summer, it may also be seasonal affective disorder.