Is it appropriate for the best man to wear dress blues to a traditional non military wedding?
My best friend is a dilemma. Her husband asked his brother to be the best man in their traditional nonmilitary wedding. Her husband brother wants to wear his dress blues or not be in the wedding. I was reading and they said that the dress blues are not appropriate for a formal wedding but rather a dress uniform. Also it will clash with the black tuxes from the wedding. I understand the money may be the issue should my friend cave and let her brother in law in. Or is he being stubborn and her husband should choose a new best man before he absolutely ruins the wedding pictures. Mind you the husband has offered to pay for tux and he is still not receptive.
2010-06-29T20:10:51Z
No this is really her fiancee's brother not her husband it is not a do over. She is 41 with no kids and this is her first wedding as well as her fiancees who is thirty-eight. I think the relationship with the brother is not really this issue but why is he being so inflexible even when his brother (the groom) volunteers to pay for the tux. I understand the importance of the outfit but in all honesty isn't it their wedding I have seen pictures and it does look out of place to have that uniform in the portrait with tuxes. I respect the military tradition especially but when you are participating in someone else s wedding I was thinking this was kinda unreasonable.
Libraryanna2010-06-28T19:07:26Z
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I'm confused. Her HUSBAND asked his brother to be in the wedding? IF he's a husband already, then it's not a real wedding.
The key for anyone in a wedding is not to show up the bride and groom by what you wear. He would be.
If it's not a real wedding, then they can whatever they want. But it sounds like the brother has issues, if it's not money. It's not worth a big family feud, but perhaps a sit down with the brother to ask him why he wants to outshine his brother at the wedding might say a lot. Maybe he's used to being the center of attention, he doesn't approve of the wedding, etc. Talking seems to be the best choice.
Maybe you could compromise and let him wear the uniform at the reception and a tux at the ceremony.
We got married a year ago. The 3rd groomsman, not even the best man, wore his dress blues in our formal Catholic church wedding. He did not "show up" the bride, nor "outshine" the groom and take all the attention. He looked really nice. NO, he did not clash with the other men wearing tuxes. He didn't look like a "clone", but he didn't clash either.
We, the couple, asked him to wear his dress blues in our wedding. We felt honored to have a US Marine in our wedding; and by wearing his dress blues, it was also a way to honor him and show our appreciation to him for serving our country, fighting for our freedom, and dodging bullets and bombs in Afghanistan.
I don't know where you read that dress blues are inappropriate for a wedding, but that's not true. Military men wear their formal uniforms all the time in weddings, and in formal weddings. Go figure... a formal uniform in a formal wedding.
The "husband" and bride are stubborn. I would tell your friend to worry more about permanently ruining the relationship with the brother than how it will look in pictures. . .
No. Military members should only wear their uniform for a wedding if the GROOM is wearing one. The brother needs to get his act in check, he should not be making demands. It's not his wedding, he doesn't get to choose.
By the military's standards he can only wear his uniform if it is a military wedding, or if he is the officiant. Since neither of these things are applicable, he is not allowed to wear it by military regulation.
Many people don't know this rule, and it's not enforced by any means. But it's there, in the Air Force it's in AFI 36-2903. Not sure where to find it in the other services, but AF is the most lenient with uniform wear outside of duty. So if they don't allow it, I'm certain the other branches don't.
There is also a separate uniform for formal events, in the Air Force it is called mess dress. This is not issued and is very expensive to purchase. It's basically a unique style of tux, with medals. THIS uniform he would be allowed to wear to a non military event, but it's not likely that he has it or will want to buy it.
If it's about money, the bride and groom could cover his cost as a gift, or tell him that his gift to them is being in the wedding so they don't want him to buy anything for them.
Tux rentals can also be as cheap as $50 for everything, at David's bridal it's $20 less without the shoe rental (if he's in the military he will have appropriate shoes already). That means all in all, he's looking at $30 to rent a tux if the bride and groom choose that affordable one. It's $5 less if he has a white shirt already also, so now you're at $25. That's not a cost to complain about.
I went to a wedding once where one of the groomsmen was in uniform but it wasn't a military wedding, the groom wasn't in the military and never has been. I don't think there's any rule that says enlisted men can't wear their uniform to formal events like a wedding but your fiance should check with his CO.
I don't think it's about the money-- I think it's about what the dress blues represent. Service men, especially men who have served, seem to be attached to them.
That being said, it's not his wedding. If it was, he could set the dress. Being the best man means that you do ANYTHING to support your groom, so he needs to step up to the plate or decline the position and come at a guest (where it would be even more inappropriate to wear a suit)
My dad is a retired colonel, and he wore dress blues to his wedding. It was a military wedding with the swords and all. But, even to my wedding, my dad escorted me down in a tux. There are Many times when he was even in the army when he'd dress in a suit, so if he can do it, and my uncle who is a retired general can do it, your friend can do it. It's not breaking a code.