I have been with my boyfriend for 5 years. I am 28. He is 26. I would like to go out and see shows and hear live music and just enjoy life more. He would rather sit at home and drink and play video games. He thinks that if he goes out, that I will be trying to change him. I think its good to be cultured. There is a show tonight and my old friend from high school will be performing. My boyfriend is jealous because i used to have a crush on this guy. And when i saw him recently, I blushed. But its not like I'm going to try anything. I love my boyfriend and I respect my friend! I just would really like to support him and his band before they move to Oregon, from Michigan in a couple months. When I asked my boyfriend if he wanted to go, he said no because he doesnt like my friend. He is being childish. I know for a fact that if i decide to go by myself, later, he will either ignore me or start a fight with me. What should I do?
snorkeling_llama2010-07-10T13:47:47Z
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I think you should tell your boyfriend that you are planning on visiting with/supporting your friend before he moves away, and that it is important to you. You should invite him along, but tell him that if he doesn't want to, he doesn't have to. Regardless of whether or not he wants to join you, you WILL be seeing your friend. Tell him approximately when you will be back, and leave.
Then proceed to have a good time, and have a conversation with your friend, and be supportive of his hobbies.
When you come home, if your boyfriend decides to pick fights with you, remind him that you invited him along and he didn't want to go. Remind him that you told him what you were doing and where you were going, and that he has no reason to be upset with you. Ask him if he really thinks that your relationship is SO at risk that you'd run off with somebody else. If he thinks so, then this should be a topic of further discussion when both parties are calm.
And then you can discuss the state of your relationship.
He's not going to change, and as you want more out of life, than staying at home, watching him drink and play video games, like some teenage boy, you will just have to do it on your own. To me, it seems, like you are more his mother, than a girlfriend. How jealous can he get, an old boyfriend, is in a band, is moving to another state, and he'll get all bent out of shape, if you go support your old friend. Crush or no crush, he's being a bit dictatorial. I know you love him, although, I can't see why, but you aren't married, and after five years, one would expect something more permanent for you and him. So go see your friend and his group play, have some fun, so what if you have a fight about it, couples fight all the time, over something smaller than this. You need to decide, if this relationship, is what you want for the rest of your life.Wouldn't you be happier, leaving him, and finding someone, who shares your view of life.To be a part of life, rather than some onlooker? As much as I hate advising someone to break up, I can't see a good outcome for your future, with this guy. If you are prepared to just live like this, then fine, but you really need to give this some serious thought. You are young, is this what you want your life to be?
If your boyfriend has been boring for the 5 years you've been with him, then it's not going to get any better in the next 5 years to come. Maybe some time apart from your boyfriend would trigger for him to do something with you two's relationship. In other wards like the fear of losing you would make him wake up and realize you aren't happy and he needs to put the spark back into the relationship. Sometimes you never realize what you have until there's a slight chance you might be losing it. If none of this works, then I'd say it's time for separation and seek out what's really best for yourself. Some soul searching. It's not always so bad to start over. Sure it's frightening but sometimes the thrill of fright can make you more anxious to find out what's going to happen next! At least I think so.
he says no because hes insecure, if you strip naked and show him that he is the one you want, then im sure he'd go with you because it would reinforce his confidence, and he would 100% not care about this guy anymore.