So frustrated! What am I supposed to do about a depressed spouse?
I'm really at a loss here. In the past few months I've done some research on depression and begun to understand it more. I'm trying to be more supportive of my husband but I need some advice on specific situations. What am I supposed to do when there is something that I've asked him to do and he keeps putting it off? I asked him to take our portable AC unit down to the storage unit 3 months ago and it's still sitting in our living room. I remind him on occasion but his "legs hurt" or his "back hurts" and he can't do it. I've offered to help him move it and it's never a "good time". Should I just go ahead and move it myself? Will this just make him feel worse? I refuse to leave it because our apartment is very small and I'm just fed up with it being in the way. In addition we changed out the wheels and tires on my car and the old wheels and tires are still sitting in my trunk and back seat and it's been a week - I can't do weekly grocery shopping. He promised to move them this morning before he went to work but didn't. I don't want to make him feel worse but I really need them out of my car.
skinny2010-12-11T00:47:26Z
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have you told him how it is making you feel about not doing these things. and if you are in a open communication type relationship u should not be worried bout wat he feels. If you exlpain that you are feeling that is inconvient then he won't and he hasn't done it then just do it your self. if it make him feel bad then maybe it will make him think and realize he mite not be doing enough and want to.
Maybe you should stop initiating it? Do you think you are putting it all out there and he is kinda thinking "i could take it or leave it" and since you are his wife, he will "leave it" because he can always get it when he wants it, you are basically not going anywhere so he doesn't have to chase you down. I am in a similar situation like you. I want it all the time, and ever since I stopped initiating it, he hasn't been coming around me at all. I am ready to take up a sport or something to wear off some of this frustration. What is HIS reason for not wanting sex? Did you ask him? I can only assume that men like the chase better then sex itself. If you are always there, its no fun for him. If he doesn't come around in a week or so, I suggest you either send him to a doctor or look into that he might be getting it someplace else. Good luck to you.
I suggest you do it yourself ...he knows what you want him to do , but sadly he is not willing to help . You need to ask yourself a few questions...was he always like this ? were you the one who always took the initiative ? are you the one who always arranges to get things done ? If you really think he is suffering from depression ...then he needs to see his doctor ....you are not going to make him better , only with the help of his doctor can he feel better . If he refuses to get help for his "depression " then I really think you have only 3 choices . (1) learn to communicate as adults ,and resolve these problems in an adult way (2) you accept him and things the way they are (3) walk away and make a life for yourself ...a life that will bring you happiness.
You maintain normality and don't put any pressure on them at all. You don't try to cheer them up, you don't talk about it unless they raise the subject first, you don't do ANYTHING to remind them of their problems. You simply keep the pressure off so it's easier for them to get on top of their problems as they see fit.
Have a heart to heart with your husband. Explain to him that you love him and understand how he feels. But tell him you need him to be present in the relationship. Explain that he needs to consider therapy, diet changes, anti depressants, because it can only get worse.