How do I tell my pressuring mom that I'm Agnostic/Atheist?

Question

Well I'm a 13 year old guy who has been raised in a Christian family. I used to consider my self a saved Christian along with my mother and my little brother. My mother can sometimes be narrow minded about many issues, though she is a smart women. She prays everyday, reads her bible, sometimes makes unnecessary judgements, etc. The bottom line is that she is a devout Christian (southern Baptist). I am considered to be a good, respectful, intelligent, creative, fun, funny person. I thought that I was a saved Christian, but I began to question Christianity for several monthes and have came to the result of agnosticism/atheism (for a VARIETY of reasons). And no, this is not out of rebellion or for any shock value, I still love and respect my family and friends with all of my heart. One of the challenges of this question is the fact that my mother has a very negative view of atheism, considering that she has had terrible experiences with people who were atheists. The second problem is that lately, she hasn't considered my "saving" to be legitimate and she has been indirectly pressuring me to be "born-again" via pressuring invitational periods in church sermons. But lately I have been silently backing off of these sort of things. And the fact that I haven't "validate" my "saving" has been emotionally wearing her down. This in turn has been hurting me emotionally to see her in pain like this. So it's getting to a breaking point, each church service is increasing this painful pressure, I need to do something NOW! The problem is that I'm scared of how she'll react if I confess my non-belief, but if I don't confess, then this pressure will increase and worsen. Please help me, if I tell her, then she will probably arrange for the preacher the confront me in an intimidating manner (which wouldn't turn out too well). So if I do need to tell her, then HOW do I need to approach and tell her my non-belief? If I shouldn't tell her, then WHAT should I DO?

? · Accepted Answer

I think you should wait until you are older. If your mother is anything like my family, telling them that you're an atheist will not help. I live in Alabama, so I know the kind of pressure you are under. Be sure to think it through before you do anything though. Good luck!

Mfh H *A* · Answer

Not sure to be honest because it might depend on how she will react.  My guess is probably not very well.

I guess the only thing you can say to her, is that you are on your own journey to spirituality.  That is really vague and does not say much.

I think you can also tell her truthfully that you really were saved and that further born again experiences will discredit and make the first experience to be nothing.  That is truthful.

I think given the circumstances and how young you are and your mum it might be better to say nothing.  You are very likely to face very adverse reactions if you tell them you are atheist.  It will only confirm her belief you were never saved in the first place.

I think you should mouth the words and play along until you are older.

Also be sure to ask insightful and intelligent questions, read the bible, try and show that you understand what they are saying, also make sure you still do all homework, and help around the house and be the best you can be.

Good luck

? · Answer

Just tell her. Sit her down and calmly explain that you don't believe what the bible says and that you consider yourself atheist/agnostic. If she refuses to "allow" you to be atheist/agnostic, remind her that your beliefs are not under her control, and you have the right by law (if you live in America, at least), to practice whatever you want or not practice at all. Try to avoid being spiteful, as this will only hurt the situation, but keep in mind that your beliefs are up to you and you alone, regardless of how much power your parents may think they have over you.

Oh and a great thing to ask is "would you rather I was a false/lying christian than a real/truthful atheist/agnostic?".

EDIT: And don't just go with agnosticism as the first answer says. If you truly feel you are atheist and not agnostic, say you are atheist. Don't hide your beliefs.

EDIT2: You have as much choice in the matter as you want yourself to have. As I said before, you are the only one who can decide what you believe. Your parents can try to sway you in one direction, but in the end the decision is yours.

Ha ha ha! · Answer

If you are afraid that this will cause a great deal of untold strife that will hang over your head for years to come, then unfortunately, the best advice that I have to give you is that you'll just have to grin, bear, and pretend. Yes, it is disgusting that you should have to lie to your mother about this, but it sounds to me like you are really not being given much of a choice in the matter.

If you do choose to tell her, you need to tell her the next time she brings it up. Do not try to soften the blow, simply come out with it in full and express it clearly. If she asks you why, then tell her and explain it to her at length. Coming out with the truth is probably a better option if your mother well and truly cares for you, though I never had the courage to come out to my parents.

Whatever you decide, I wish you the best of luck.

Anonymous · Answer

@ ... agnostic-atheism is a valid place. the sole way i can think of of doing that's being prematurely approximately it. My suggestion, nonetheless, may be to do alot of examine and practice your self for a war of words with a preacher. study up on each and every of the generic arguments for Christianity and be sure why they are so stupid. wish it does not prove badly with your mom, stable success.

How do I tell my pressuring mom that I'm Agnostic/Atheist?

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