How do I tell my pressuring mother that I'm an agnostic/atheist?

Well I'm a 13 year old guy who has been raised in a Christian family. I used to consider my self a saved Christian along with my mother and my little brother. My mother can sometimes be narrow minded about many issues, though she is a smart women. She prays everyday, reads her bible, sometimes makes unnecessary judgements, etc. The bottom line is that she is a devout Christian (southern Baptist). I am considered to be a good, respectful, intelligent, creative, fun, funny person. I thought that I was a saved Christian, but I began to question Christianity for several monthes and have came to the result of agnosticism/atheism (for a VARIETY of reasons). And no, this is not out of rebellion or for any shock value, I still love and respect my family and friends with all of my heart. One of the challenges of this question is the fact that my mother has a very negative view of atheism, considering that she has had terrible experiences with people who were atheists. The second problem is that lately, she hasn't considered my "saving" to be legitimate and she has been indirectly pressuring me to be "born-again" via pressuring invitational periods in church sermons. But lately I have been silently backing off of these sort of things. And the fact that I haven't "validate" my "saving" has been emotionally wearing her down. This in turn has been hurting me emotionally to see her in pain like this. So it's getting to a breaking point, each church service is increasing this painful pressure, I need to do something NOW! The problem is that I'm scared of how she'll react if I confess my non-belief, but if I don't confess, then this pressure will increase and worsen. Please help me, if I tell her, then she will probably arrange for the preacher the confront me in an intimidating manner (which wouldn't turn out too well). So if I do need to tell her, then HOW do I need to approach and tell her my non-belief? If I shouldn't tell her, then WHAT should I DO?

?2011-01-28T22:34:36Z

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Unfortunately nothing you say is going to stop your mum. Being raised in a religious home and having your parents beliefs constantly shoved down your throat is very hard. The only thing you can do is put up with it until you think you can move out of home. Your still a child and your mother still has parental rights and guardianship over you and while she does she is going to keep trying to "save your soul". Sounds like you respect your mum and her religious beliefs even though they go against what you personally believe which is really good and im proud of you for that. If you do say something to your mum about it she will probably get the church involved and maybe counselling.

If things do get really bad and you cant find any escape and in extreme circumstances you need to take other actions. You love your mum this is obvious but if she continues the psychologicalical abuse you need to stand up for yourself. You have rights too and they should be respected. Child protection services are availible and you can even talk to a lawyer about divorcing your parents. These are extreme actions and i dont recommend them unless things get really bad. You just need to be aware that they are there for you and to help when you really do need it it.

Anonymous2011-01-28T22:25:11Z

You are caught in the middle, your mothers beliefs on one side, your observations that some of the things you are being told are unsatisfactory.
If you want to approach the problem from a "what would cause the least amount of harm" angle. Maybe you'll have to pretend for 5 to 7 years more. When you are an adult will she not feel it's so important as when you are your present age ?
The creation myths and god testimonials from the different religions do seem pretty bizarre.
There is one "religion" out there that isn't a religion that i won't name , if i did you'd think i was trying to convert you.Hold onto your observations, act according to your inner sense of "morals", with kindness and compassion. If your inner sense finds things "unsatisfactory" enough it will drive you to find a belief system that will help you deal with the problems.

Anonymous2011-01-28T22:21:53Z

First off, Southern Baptist families are very hard to come out of the atheist closet with. I know quite a few people that decided to tell their parents they were atheist and it didn't turn out too well. So basically there are two paths your can take.

The first option would be to come out to your parents. They might not accept it at first and they may even be angry with you. When I came out to my parents they thought it was a "phase" and refused to believe that I was truly atheist. Therefore, I read books on atheism, and this eventually proved to them that I was truly what I said I was. It wasn't the easiest of paths, and still eight years later my grandparents still don't know that I am atheist, because I am still afraid of what they will think.

The second option would be to fake belief. You don't really have to go to extreme lengths to make people think you are still Christian, but just enough where they won't really question you. This is honestly probably the easier of the two paths, because you don't have to deal with the family issues that come to being if you come out. When you come of age and move out of your parent's house, then you can come out as you will not be forced to live under their rule.

I understand that you may want to stand up for your beliefs and take the first option. But trust me, sometimes it's just not worth it. Don't be ashamed to take the second path. I again know a few atheists that have taken the same path and they had a much easier time.

Also, if you decide to tell your parents, make sure you have them sit down as you explain why you believe. Maybe have a list set up for what you want to tell them.

Rogue Christian: Lachrymose2011-01-28T22:06:37Z

Bailey W,

It is surely difficult coming out to religiously devout Christians, who are not shy about their belief in eternal d*mnation, and saying you're an agnostic/atheist.

What is most difficult is not being able to predict how she might react. Some parents do not react well to their children's beliefs. If you have a feeling your mother will react in such a way, I suggest keeping them to yourself. You will be forced to go to Church, and this isn't always a bad thing. This is the time you can use to decide what you believe on certain issues.

Tell your mother if you believe it must be known, but if you can't, do not.

Good luck. :)

?2011-01-28T22:07:09Z

If coming out of the atheist closet could bring a lot of suffering to you, then I suggest stay in it for another 5 years until you are 18. I know that seems like a long time, but it will seem like even longer with your mom believing you are going to hell. My advice is that if you think it will be traumatic for your family, and therefore you, just go through the motions for a few more years. In fact you could use this time to cement your beliefs by doing some in depth bible study (This is what led me to be an atheist! Trust me, there is some heinous sh!t in the bible!!)
Basically, I advise you 'keep the peace' while you are under their roof.

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