So I'm writing a story about the deadly Sins. What do you think of Ava?

So I wanted to do a story of the deadly sins working for a corporate Satan. Avarice (Ava Rice) is going to be the first. What do you think of her so far?


She walked into my office like any other morning. She wore practical pumps in a beautiful shade of melon with no stockings to hide her smooth tawny colored legs that went on and on. Her shape was perfectly robust in that Rubén sort of way and the sea foam colored suit complimented her complexion in every way. The cut kissing her curves like a lover’s caress flattered her every flawlessly. Yes Ava Rice exuded professionalism, wealth, intelligence and beauty.

“Sir, you summoned.” She asked. Her voice was as crisp as a winter’s frost and yet it still held the undercurrent of a warm fire on a snowy day.

“Yes Ava. Your next assignment.” I said handing her the file in the crimson folder, manila was so passé. The pages fairly hummed with energy when her hands closed the connection between us. “Understand that this is a ‘given’. There isn’t much to do. He is well on his way to me without you."
"And you need, me, your best agent on a simple matter such as this." She asked me, clearly knowing her talents were valuable to me and the agency.
"I have been sent an e-mail this morning that the ‘others’ have dispatched an agent to dissuade him. You know the rules allow intervention from both sides and they will try to stop us by any means available to them. So I would feel more secure with my best agent keeping an eye on things.”

"Thy will shall be done." The smile that dawned on her face was as mesmerizing as the sun setting over the mountains shading them in mystery and at the same time cutting through them with a darkness so final that you could never see your way out. It was so spectacular; any man would follow her to the Armageddon and step into the abyss of chaos in order to catch one last fleeting glimpse. Ava nodded her acquiescence without making a move and yet it was there for everyone to see. I released the file to her and she gave a wink of her dark seductive eye, a slight kissable pucker to her lips as she turned and left my office.

Within me I knew that Jude Harrison was one of Mine, why they would want such a corrupt man was beyond me, but I wasn’t about to let years of work dissipate on a man’s last whisper.

* When I cut and pasted I couldn't get it to indent. Go figure.

๒๏๏к ฬ๏г๓2011-02-01T08:31:27Z

Favorite Answer

Hmmm its not a bad story but its not really attention grabbing. Other than that characters are good but could use a bit more description in the setting