Should I end this friendship?

Question

Ok, I got this friend I've been friends with since I've been in High school. He lives about 5 minutes from me, oddly enough we both live about 45min south of where we grew up. He got a job nearby down here a few years ago and I've been here for about 5 years(were both 28). 

Lets call him Joe. Joe's has his own personal issues and I've accepted that for a long time, he was in special ed in school and I believe he has Aspergers Syndrom. He's an alright guy when he wants to be but hes got a major selfish side too. Like if you call him up, you'll be talking to him and if this other friend of his calls(he lives over in the next state), he will cut you off "Uh.. Jacks calling bye" I hate to sound petty but "cant it wait 5 minutes?". If your talking to him and he's not interested in what your saying, he will just start talking about something else. i dont like going over to his place because it smells and he has some really slovenly habits. 

Joes a big whiner and does nothing to solve his problems or better himself. I mean, he will get into screaming matches with his mother on the phone, hes always broke, and always having money problems. Hes never had a girlfriend. Just in general a big complainer. However, you try to correct him or point stuff out, Joe gets really pissey and resentful. 

He's always trying to get people to do stuff for him(i.e set up his stereo). Its almost like, all this stuff has gotten worse in the last year. I starting to feel like I'm being used, tired of all the selfishness. 

Talking to him doesnt work, I've tried, hes set in his ways and thats how its always gonna be. Should I just start seeing less of him or cut it off cold turkey?  What would you do in this circumstance?

? · Accepted Answer

Do you know if 'Joe' has ever been diagnosed with Asperger's Syndrome? Many people with Asperger's have a normal to higher than normal IQ, but still have the social awkwardness associated with autism, which means they can not understand the emotions of others and maybe even have a hard time processing their own emotions. That being said, it's very likely he may not understand that it is considered rude or inconsiderate to hang up the phone with you to answer another call. It also means that regulating his emotions is more difficult for him than it would be for you or I. I work with Autistic individuals, and it can be challenging, to say the least. And you definitely have to be willing to invest more in the relationship to make it work than with someone who does not have Asperger's. I tell you this so maybe you can understand the disorder a little better. Maybe you decide looking past his disorder (which he honestly can't help, no matter how frustrating) or maybe you don't. Just know that if you decide to end the friendship, it does not make you a bad person. Fostering a friendship with these individuals is a hard journey. 

People will always come and go in our lives. Just because you two were friends in high school does not mean you will be friends until death. If it is really that upsetting to you, start distancing yourself from him. Make yourself a little less available as time goes on, and eventually the relationship will die. Every relationship needs constant watering, if you will, to make it grow. By cutting off communication and quality time (two things very important to a friendship), it will eventually wither and die. 

And you have to think about yourself. Is trying to be friends with 'Joe' too stressful or fill you with hard feelings that you find yourself carrying to other areas of your life? Ultimately, you need to do what's best for you. I don't know that I would be able to be friends with 'Joe' and I work with autistic individuals on a daily basis. 

Hope this helps!

Travis · Answer

End it man I'm kinda going through the same problem and my friend lives wit me and all he does and what he wants and if its not his way its no way. I wanna kick him out but don't have courage or guts to do so.

greengo · Answer

Problem friends will always be there to suck you dry. I would quietly try to see less of him. I never "unfriend" someone that bugs me. But I have been known to avoid them.

Chris Wright · Answer

I would start seeing less of him. Try to distance yourself. Ignore his calls now and then etc.

Anonymous · Answer

You are talking about yourself ,get a grip.

Should I end this friendship?

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