my Dh doesn't want me to hire my own trust and will attorney?

Question

He is putting his will and trust together, and brought home some papers for me to sign. usually I ask him, what it is all about, and sign without reading. I trust him. But this time it happened that after he explained to me, that this is a signature that he releases all bonds and stocks to our two under aged boys 50-50, and I am going to be a IRA primary beneficiary. 
For some reason I felt pretty uncomfortable to sign this paper. I needed to know more information on how much we have in stocks and bonds, which I never knew after DH inherited some from his late relative a year ago. I also wanted to know how much id IRA. He answered those two questions of mine rather poorly, saying dumb I don;t know. Hmmm, I though, who should know then??

So I asked him to read the paper before I sign. To my surprised, the paper was IRA release to our two boys (my stepson and our son), as primary 50-50 beneficiaries.

I said, well excuse me honey, you have just said that the paper I am signing is stocks and bonds release.
He got pretty confused, saying that "there are two different IRA funds...

I am not as good in finance structure, never been. 
That is why i said, listen, I have to hire an attorney to get understand how all this stocks and trusts and funds work.
He got very upset about it, saying literally: ok, you want divorce??? I work hard here trying to provide, and you have no trust in me??? And walk away.

A red flag?

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

You need to read those papers, and it's not a trust issue.  If he drops dead tomorrow, or gets hit by a bus, you NEED to have a degree of financial literacy you can rely upon.

The saddest thing in the world, once or twice a year, I get a customer whom I've insured for DECADES, and her husband just died . . .and she has NO IDEA how insurance works, or what's covered, etc. 

Don't cripple yourself.  Be an active partner in the marriage, and that includes being privy to both financial decisions AND knowing what and why.

Now, he probably legally CAN'T take you off of being beneficiary of the IRA - I do believe EVERY state requires this.  Regarding the boys, if he's releasing all stocks and bonds to them, that means THEIR legal guardian will get total control of the assets.  It's usually a pretty bad idea.  

He probably gets monthly statements on the IRA.  He SHOULD have a pretty good idea, within $10,000, how much is in there.  Likely, with less than five minutes of effort on his part, he can get the info down to the penny, of the value of the stocks, bonds, and IRA.  That's not an unreasonable request on your part.

You don't need an attorney.  You need a marriage counselor.  And for heaven's sake, do NOT relinquish your automatic ownership in the IRA.  The ONLY reason I can think of, that he's turning the IRA stuff over to your boys NOW, is to get your name off of it, so you can't get half of it if he decides to divorce YOU.

The obvious answer to "I try to provide but you have no trust in me", is, "you're hiding assets from me, and question MY trust?"

And I don't think he'd mention the D word, unless he was already thinking about it.

? · Answer

You bet it is.  Sign nothing, hire an attorney NOW and make copies of all Tax returns and any other documents you can find.  Normally a spouse is the Beneficiary of an IRA and the children are secondary.  That means they inherit the IRA after you pass away.

Anonymous · Answer

DH is your "Designated Hitter?"  Your question is confusing, but in some states the spouse has to release from being the beneficiary, so don't sign them and you'll have  to be the beneficiary.

my Dh doesn't want me to hire my own trust and will attorney?

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