This is undoubtedly the most interesting question ever conceived:?

Please, dear sagacious viewers, help me with my SAT essay.
I wrote--and revised--this essay in 22 minutes--precisely--as practice for SAT essay. Please rate it from 1-6, while keeping in mind that I only had 25 minutes to compose it. Thank you in advance.

The prompt was what is your view on individual responsibility in which many people could have reacted?

Every individual has a personal responsibility to correct a perceived wrong. However, often times, many individuals shirk their responsibilities, and consequently, others suffer. For example, my mother and I shirked our responsibilities to discipline me, and many countries did not defend Jews from Germany’s persecution.

My mother saw me fail my classes, yet she did not admonish me for attaining bad grades. She believed that I would eventually “grow up,” and get better grades. Her behavior toward me was shaped by the false notion that all kids eventually matured, and came to self-discipline themselves. However, unlike she had hoped, I did not self-discipline myself to get good grades.

Relatedly, I too expected someone else to discipline me. I expected my teachers to force me to get better grades. Like a helpless bird that closes its eyes when an eagle approaches, I ignored my problem, which was my bad educational performance. And because of my failure to address the issue, I suffered.

Incidentally, many countries gave in to the mob mentality during WW2, and they ignored Jews’ pleas for help. These countries were afraid to fight Germany and let Jews suffer. Furthermore, to rationalize their quiescence, they falsely claimed that Jews deserved persecution because of purported claims by anti-Semitists. Those countries had a personal responsibility to save Jews, but they did not uphold it. Consequently, they paved way for themselves to be abused by the Germans.

When individuals or countries deny to uphold their personal responsibilities to address a wrong or wrong doing, they are augmenting the wrong. And because of their inactivity, righteousness ebbs and injustice and inequality prevail.

2011-06-28T09:42:09Z

I wrote it in 22 minutes.

2011-06-28T09:52:05Z

Thanks to all for inputs.

Manimal2011-06-28T09:39:05Z

Favorite Answer

I doubt it, i didn't bother reading it.

M2011-06-28T09:52:09Z

I am not going to give a number grade as I do not know the criteria they will be grading on. Though I will provide my critisizm of my thought process on the essay. The are that I thought was most easily refuted is where you basically blamed surrounding countries for the atrocities against the Jews for not stepping in. You act as if it is their responsibility to help when others are oppressed without weighing the consequences to their own people. Yes, Millions of Jews died, and this is a tragedy, but entering a war at a point when war may have been avoided would have killed millions of German Civilians, and whatever invading force there was. I am not weighing what is right an wrong, only to mention that the view is entirely too simplistic.

Also, if the topic is related to personal responsibility, and then blame your mommy and teacher for not making you personally responsible, where is your personal responsibility? Part of maturing is taking responsibility for yourself, and if you are unwilling to do that, this is your problem, not your parents. You suggest that you will not mature and get self disciplin and need someone to take you by the hand and walk you through life? At what point does this end? Does your mommy need to help you get a job also?

Anonymous2011-06-28T09:45:57Z

To be very frank, I object to the comparison between you and your academic problems and the failure of many nations to protect Jews from the Holocaust. Your problems are simply not on the same scale, so the comparison falls flat.

And you do not develop your argument very well. Your writing is not effective.

Get rid of the "helpless bird" analogy; it's bad writing. And you've used the word "incidentally" incorrectly in the context.

If I were you, I'd start over. Your first two sentences are fine. Go on from there to discuss Holocaust only. Leave yourself out, because what you want to discuss is the general social issue of personal responsibility, and the Holocaust can be used to make excellent arguments for that. You might try to come up with some similarly important event as a comparison.

?2011-06-28T09:52:57Z

Your speaking about parental responsibility to their children, good point. Sometime parents don't understand their role as teachers and shapers of young lives. They enable bad behavior which in a lot of cases is learned from a parent, Drinking, Smoking, cursing, lack of responsibility, etc. However I think you've lost your way when you speak of the countries that didn't support the persecuted Jews during the Holocaust. The counties that could help were fighting the Axis, Germany, Italy and Japan. The bulk of the European countries were under the heal of the enemy. The Jews were not the only ethnic group that suffered, Poland for one, most of Europe was enslaved during that war. You are correct Though in that we as individuals and countries at large to owe a responsibility to others of mutual respect and peaceful coexistence. Good question.

Hi, I'm Glory2011-06-28T09:54:53Z

I kinda see Your point. I had to think about it as I can see from the others that answered they did not! Wrong doing leads to more wrong doing. Left to its self to correct it won't get done but needs to be led and coached and fixed and helped by someone in charge that has some inkling of what is right and the difference between the two. If a child is left to his own devices and is never taught to do the right thing then he/she will do what will feel good to hi/her until it's to late to repair the damage unless someone steps in and puts an end to the self indulgence. As in the references to what went on in War between Germany and the Jews and the atrocities that were done to them, then we are talking a whole different story. The Germans knew what they were doing was wrong lead by a maniac and still they carried out the orders. They weren't taught from birth to do these things so I have to disagree with that mentality. Training and giving in are two different things. But as far as a paper goes for writing in only 22 minutes wasn't too bad. I hope it was a work of fiction! I would hate to think this is how your life was. Take Care and God Bless and Good Luck with Your Assignment, Glory

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