I ask because her and I were not on good terms as the marriage was ok, but the divorce was messy and a lot of hatred from her family towards me arose. I was just wondering what others think about me going or not going, sending a card or not, or just do it all in my own way and not deal with her family and say good bye over a crappy shot of whisky. Thanks in advance for your answers.
?
Favorite Answer
If the family doesn't get along with you I think you should stay away from the funeral. You can visit the grave later if you need some closure but you really aren't family anymore. If you aren't wanted you would just be making a horrible experience even more hurtful.
lucypiano11
Well, if I were a part of the family, I would respect you for coming to the funeral. I'm not sure what others would say, but the fact that you guys had a bad go and you still wanted to come anyway says a lot. If you feel uncomfortable with risking it, it's a good idea to send a card that's really heartfelt and honest. Saying goodbye in your own way is fine too. There's really no wrong way, I would just suggest the first option over the others.
LJG
It's you who has to live with it, not your ex's family.
If you want to say goodbye by attending the funeral, then do so. This woman may be the mother of your children-- and if not, she's still someone you spent a very important part of your life with.
Sit in the back of the church-- don't mingle with the family who were difficult to you. If someone does come up and start something untoward, you can simply say that you came out of respect for a woman you once loved and who once loved you, and leave it at that for the sake of her memory.
You may still want the crappy shot of whiskey later, but YOU are the one who needs closure-- don't let her family ruin that.
?
When you got divorced you both will have signed to say you can make no demands on the others estates and give up all rights, so don't worry, she won't be entitled to claim a thing
Anonymous
seems like a hard thing to go through but it's a public funeral.
My husband mother and father do not get along. I'm surprised they showed face at the same building meaning our wedding.
however when my husbands gramda pasted away.
My mother in law was there. Her ex husband and her had a nasty divorce as well.
My really good friend passed away a few years ago. she had cancer and her ex stole money from her and cheated on her. He had enought balls to show up. Everyone was giving him dirty looks. I did ask my friends to can the dirty looks I don't agree what he did to her but he has every right to show his respects. what little that he has. I at least said hi to him...
I think if you want to pay your respects you go and do just that. if someone says something mean to you ignore them. Just look at them and say i'm hear to pay my respects don't worry i'm not staying!