B&A: Please read and critique!?
Hey, B&A, just asking for some honest critique on this bit of my novel. Anything you like? Anything you don’t? Any grammar mistakes or other stuff? Just be honest and give me something I can work on in the future. Read a little bit, read it all, please leave a comment, though. Thank you!
(If you need to know a little background, just ask)
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Peering round the door Rune could see Richard walking down the long corridor. Her instincts told her to stay in the room, to act as if the door was still locked. But there was something else that drove her. A feeling of curiosity and bravery, if not stupidity. She took a step. A step outside. Her heart raced and pounded and seemed to explode as she continued to silently walk down the corridor, following Richard cautiously. The walk quickly turned into a brisk trot; she couldn’t be locked out now. Not now. She was given this chance and would not pass it up. No matter how scared she was.
(i) I can't be doing this. It’s pointless. If I’m caught then . . . No! I’m not going to let myself get caught. I told myself I’d find out what happened and I’m not going to stop until I have done so. But – (i)
Her thoughts were brought to a halt as Richard opened a door. It was an unfamiliar door to Rune, but that was expected. She stayed silent, standing behind a wall where the direction of the corridor changed. Rune watched as Richard entered the room using his activation card.
As the door began to close, Rune dashed through using an iron block she found stacked on top of a precarious looking tower as a stopper. There were a few of them down the corridors of The Lab, the only things that didn’t seem to be white. She rolled under a desk, not wanting to be seen. She remained silent. Richard continued through another door, but not before sliding a file into a cabinet.
Rune was left alone.
@Brahian: The (i)s are thoughts and would be put in italics if Y! A let me.
@***I'm Halle Berry's Boyfriend***: Rune, thinks she is in The Redenal Laboratory for a medical case and has lived there her whole life. She's been told she couldn't survive outside because the conditions would affect her and she couldn’t survive out there for long. After a bad confrontation with Richard (the antagonist and the head of The Lab) and a chance to leave the confinement of her room, she decides find out a secret he’s been hiding from her.