Does this sentence (possible opening?) draw you in?

They say life is worse than death, for it is with death that sorrow is brought into life.
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So? I'm thinking maybe it is to downbeat and sad... I don't think it will be my opening sentence but my sister is also writing a novel and she thought of something like this and so I might let her use it. What do you think?

Anonymous2011-10-22T09:10:32Z

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It's terrible. It doesn't make sense. What are you trying to say? life is worse than death because the negative aspects of life come from death? Death is the bad element on life, the good element, so how does that make life worse?

And who says that?

They say that picnics are worse than ants, for it is with ants that disaster is brought into picnics.

You are trying too hard to be profound, poorly thought out attempts to make a lofty statement about life and death would turn me right off reading on. You might fool some people but really it doesn't make sense.

I am not trying to put you down. Try harder, you can do better.

?2011-10-22T16:09:04Z

No.

I hate these "faux-philosophical" openings. Make something _happen_.

This can be slotted in later on, but as an opening? Maybe it's not enough for me to actually put the book down, but it would lower my expectations for the rest of the content a hundredfold.

?2011-10-22T16:39:59Z

yeahh its really good just so long as its not a childrens book because it might be a bit complicated. It really does hook you in! :)

YogiBear2011-10-22T16:05:34Z

Yes, it is a great hook sentence!

Rachel R2011-10-22T16:09:32Z

well you captured my attention because i actually want to know what happens next.

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