If you could, would you continue reading this?

Chapter ONE

*italics* Whitney’s wine glass fell to the floor. Shards of glass bounced off of the concrete and danced into the air. Each intricate cut of glass caught the sunset in a brief moment of beauty, but wasted no time being suspended in the air and fell back down to the ground. Whitney gasped. She was always so elegant in public-even when she felt fairly tipsy from several glasses of wine. Holding back tears of embarrassment, she quickly summoned a waiter to help her clean up her clumsy act.
With an attempt to portray her demeanor as orderly, she smoothed out her silk dress and placed her perfectly manicured fingers on her husband’s shoulder. Tiny pearls of sweat hid behind her bangs, slowly trying to make themselves visible. Whitney casually dotted her forehead with her evening napkin and slid back into her seat while the waiter insisted on cleaning up the glass himself. Unaware that the entire restaurant held its gaze on Whitney, she went back to eating her meal without making eye contact with the world. *end italics*

Whitney flinched, suddenly aware that she had tuned out her boss’s lecture. For the life of her she couldn’t remember what he was talking about. She felt as if she had just been watching a TV show that put her on the edge of her seat, but come the end of the commercial break, she forgot what the name of the show was called. She waited to get the satisfaction of remembering what it was that had captivated her earlier on, but that answer never came. Her throat felt extremely dry and she noticed a migraine about to envelop her morning. As she massaged her temples, she turned her attention back to the projection screen.
Phoenix, Arizona was plastered in giant orange letters across the slide. Whitney’s brow furrowed at the city’s name. Why had her firm, a local accounting firm, taken it upon themselves to create a slideshow on another city? What was this, geography class?
“We have decided to base our new firm in Phoenix,” her boss paced about with a microphone attached to his collar, “because of the fairly cheap airfares and one hell of a hot deal.”
The room chuckled, leaving Whitney’s pale face unaffected. She stifled a laugh and continued to focus her sole attention on the movement of her boss’s lips. In the event she tuned out again, at least she’d be staring at his cracked lips to let her ears know they had a job to do.
“Despite the recent recession that left many in Phoenix in the predicament of shutting down their companies,” he continued, “we are going to be the face of the new economy.”
Whitney secretly rolled her eyes. She never had a knack for being interested in business jargon, or anything that had to do with money for that matter. No wonder she had tuned out. Shaking her head at herself, she shrugged off the memory lapse and began doodling notes on her legal pad.
“And Whitney will be the head of our Phoenix office.”

Person of Little Interest2012-01-29T22:27:04Z

Favorite Answer

I don't know where you're going with it. I guess it has potential, but I don't really know what it's about at this point, so, yeah, I'd keep reading. I'm not a fan of your writing style, though.

>Each intricate cut of glass caught the sunset in a brief moment of beauty, but wasted no time being suspended in the air and fell back down to the ground.

When I read that, it turned me off a bit. Honestly, a lot of your writing, especially the description, feels needlessly heavy with adjectives and extra "fluff" writing. Just say what you mean.

?2012-01-29T22:29:32Z

Yes I would! I want to know how Whitney reacts to this. It is interesting. And I really liked the description in italics; especially the bit where the wine glass fell to the floor. You plunged right into the story. I liked that.
And I don't think it's fluffy or something. Whitney's daydreaming. So your style suits the situation.

Anonymous2012-01-29T23:49:15Z

No, sorry.

Not plausible. Your character reads like a lazy 14 year old, not an adult pro, and no company would ever make someone head of a section of the business without discussing it with them in private first.

If you are a child yourself, I suggest writing about a child character. If you're an adult, then lose the "my character does all the things I secretly wish I could do but would never dare".

Anonymous2016-11-06T01:59:48Z

particular, you've a funky sort, and the plot must be exciting. yet you want punctuation, I were given perplexed, Use those "". And positioned the concepts in italics, that is reliable, save writing. you rather use reliable descriptive words to create vivid photos.

Kaylee2012-01-29T22:13:12Z

Yes! I want more to read!!!! Did you right that or something? If you did its good!(:

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