i am not religious or anything but i am afraid i have an impending divorce i have no control over. if that happens i will be so embarrssed i will want to die. i don't even want my family to know but i might have to move back in with them. i think it is so embarassing that someone who once pledged their love to you forever doesn't want you anymore and i know that reflects terribly on me as a person people will think i'm a bad person how can i deal with this
Anonymous
I'm sorry you're going through all of this. Being divorced is nothing to be ashamed of; and realize that the divorce is not your choice. If anyone would frown on the situation, it would be focused on him, not you.
Your family will be your emotional support group; and your friends as well.
This divorce will NOT reflect on you as being a bad person, a failure, or anyone who is unlovable.
As far as how to deal with it emotionally; sure it will be painful and you'll feel abandoned and rejected. But time is truly the healer. You won't get over it in a week, but you'll have to be patient.
If you do move in with your family it would prevent you from being alone at first and it will help in you keeping busy and have people to help you keep your mind on things other than the divorce.
You will heal, and you will come out of all of this a stronger person.
I wish you the best.
kim h
There will be people that think badly of you but do not let them get to you. It is not their place to judge and they need to worry about their own back yard first. Another person not holding up their end of the marriage vows does not make you a bad person. If you were true to your marriage that is all that matters. Try not to put too much into what others think. It only matters what you think. You can be perfect and there are still people that will find fault with you. I do not think that any of us plan to get divorced but sometimes these things happen.
?
Half of all marriages end in divorce. If you come from a family/culture in which shame is attached to divorce and are expecting a divorce, you need to go to a counselor to learn how to deal with this.
In general, I would look people in the eye, keep my chin up, and just announce, "we got a divorce. Things didn't work out." No one needs to know the details. If they ask, the answer is "I don't want to talk about it." You have no obligation to discuss your marriage or your divorce with anyone, parents included.
Also, go ahead and work on establishing a career. If you are an adult, you need to support yourself. You'll find yourself much happier and much less worried about what others think.
Good luck to you.
Anonymous
i am not religious or anything but i am afraid i have an impending divorce i have no control over. if that happens i will be so embarrssed i will want to die. i don't even want my family to know but i might have to move back in with them. i think it is so embarassing that someone who once pledged their love to you forever doesn't want you anymore and i know that reflects terribly on me as a person people will think i'm a bad person how can i deal with this
?
If you have no say in the matter, the spouse outright refuses to try to work it out, marriage counseling, communication, etc, then there's no shame in this. Being abandoned because of his immaturity is not necessarily your fault. Unless you've done something horrible, like cheat on him, then the problem is his own immaturity and selfishness.